the Rift


ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge]

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Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#11




d ‘ A r t a g n a n | A a r o n
- - - - -
By my verdict D’ARTAGNAN is the winner.

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: horns to chest
+ 1| Attack: ram

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Experience: Mauja fight
+ 1| Defense: horn to side
- 1| Injury: a red line is not much description of being gouged by horns, how painful was it, how severe?
+ 1| Defense: winded by strike
- 1| Attack: rams at d’Art’s left side – it seems you mean to do this while d’Art is still passing you from his ram? But there wouldn’t have been time for this and you make nothing to say you chased after him to accomplish this.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: you do not say if aaron’s attack lands or not. Even if you use an attack as a counter, you need to be clear how the other’s attack pans out still.
+ 1| Attack: buck
+ 1| Attack: read

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: buck to chest
- 1| Injury: no description of the injury from the buck, something that powerful would do more than wind you.
+ 1| Defense: you do not say if d’Art’s rear lands or not. Regardless if you counter with an attack, you must describe how your opponent’s attack pans out.
+ 1| Attack: war stomp
+ 1| Attack: rear

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: unbalanced by war stomp
+ 1| Defense: shoulder takes rear
+ 1| Attack: ear bite

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: mentioning in detail the horn wound
+ 1| Experience: Lace fight
- 1| Defense: bitten on side – if he was aiming at your ear, very tall and even saying his feet lifted some off the ground, not sure how he could hit your side instead and not sure how a large draft would be faster.
0| Attack: fire illusion magic – there was hardly any description to this

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: running around like a maniac
+ 1| Attack: ram at Aaron’s left side
+ 1| Attack: random buck

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 4

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: avoids the ram – if you waited until last second and d’Art is galloping, he would have hit something
- 1| Defense: no mention of the buck?
+ 1| Attack: ram at d’Art’s right side

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: glancing ram
+ 1| Injury: injured shoulder mention


D’ARTAGNAN

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed
+ 1| Surroundings
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| I really enjoyed your reaction to the war stomp
+ 1| Love your use of age affecting d’Art, especially in the third post.

Comments: I really don’t have much to say, you had lovely writing and very fair and balanced reactions with attacks and defenses, fantastic!

AARON

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have a good handle on how horses fight, as you had good defenses and attacks, although sometimes your timing and ideas on speed with the breeds seemed a bit off. Overall the largest impact on your posts was lack of detail. You seemed to use only the minimal effort to write your posts which impacted your prose, particularly emotion, as well as some of your realism. Attacks that may have been viable were marked down, or injuries marked down, simply due to lack of explaining them better. Remember to really take the time when fighting as it does pay off :)

TOTAL
D’ARTAGNAN - 81
AARON - 66


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


Messages In This Thread
ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by Aaron - 12-22-2012, 11:17 PM
RE: ITS ON! [Challenge] - by d'Artagnan - 12-23-2012, 06:25 PM
RE: ITS ON! [Challenge] - by Aaron - 12-25-2012, 08:39 PM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by d'Artagnan - 12-31-2012, 06:19 PM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by Aaron - 01-03-2013, 12:06 AM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by d'Artagnan - 01-03-2013, 08:01 PM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by Aaron - 01-09-2013, 07:59 PM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by d'Artagnan - 01-11-2013, 05:48 PM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by Aaron - 01-12-2013, 01:18 AM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by d'Artagnan - 01-12-2013, 06:52 AM
RE: ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge] - by Official - 01-15-2013, 07:38 PM

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