I'd fail this, simply because a lot of other horses can fit the same description. Tall, muscular, ruler type, evil/nasty, evil, not ugly -- there's so many that fit this category, Mauja included (I thought of him when I read Witch-King of Angmar, actually, but I'm not sure if he /can/ be stolen at the moment?), and there is nothing that is, to me, Elizabeth. There is no clue to her name, personality, direct appearance -- nothing to say, it is this character, specifically, and not just someone else who fits the description. It'd be a bit like writing "black mare" and looking for Mirage - she's black, yes, but there's countless other black mares running around as well. Ultimately, my critique/judgment is that it is not specific enough. Toss in some clues leading directly towards the horse in question, and I think it will go better for you :) I know that it's a very difficult line to toe, being either too vague or too obvious, but some day you'll manage! ^^
Lord of the Rings
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12-27-2012, 06:51 PM
Not sure if it counts or not, what with me playing a character somewhat in the herd that is not really involved in this stealth except that the character stolen belongs to it.. so take it as critique, and not judgment, unless the admin allow it? I don't really know what's up with stealth rules anymore. xD
I'd fail this, simply because a lot of other horses can fit the same description. Tall, muscular, ruler type, evil/nasty, evil, not ugly -- there's so many that fit this category, Mauja included (I thought of him when I read Witch-King of Angmar, actually, but I'm not sure if he /can/ be stolen at the moment?), and there is nothing that is, to me, Elizabeth. There is no clue to her name, personality, direct appearance -- nothing to say, it is this character, specifically, and not just someone else who fits the description. It'd be a bit like writing "black mare" and looking for Mirage - she's black, yes, but there's countless other black mares running around as well. Ultimately, my critique/judgment is that it is not specific enough. Toss in some clues leading directly towards the horse in question, and I think it will go better for you :) I know that it's a very difficult line to toe, being either too vague or too obvious, but some day you'll manage! ^^ | |||
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Messages In This Thread |
Lord of the Rings - by Tor - 12-23-2012, 08:56 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Blu - 12-23-2012, 09:19 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Aitheria - 12-23-2012, 09:20 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Phaedra - 12-23-2012, 09:22 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Blu - 12-23-2012, 09:25 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Mandrake - 12-23-2012, 10:08 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Faelene - 12-25-2012, 11:44 AM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Rapha - 12-25-2012, 12:21 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Tor - 12-27-2012, 05:28 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Mauja - 12-27-2012, 06:51 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Ázzuen - 12-27-2012, 07:04 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Blu - 12-27-2012, 08:55 PM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Blu - 12-31-2012, 12:34 AM
RE: Lord of the Rings - by Tamme - 12-31-2012, 01:19 AM
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