Kri</style> A brush of hooves against the silk of fur, my smile grows into one of delight as I rush upward toward the skies in a graceful arc. The wind tugs at my body, my mane, my soul, pulling the silken tendrils into a frenzied dance while my feathers struggle to uphold my weight in the air. Despite all of the worries that one might feel with their back to the ground and belly up toward the sky, I feel nothing but a calm, warm feeling growing in my gut and exuding from my face in a light through my dark eyes. As I begin to make my downward descent, my wings fold, locking to my side as I swoop in like a masterful hunter of the skies, hearing the howl of the air as it slides by my slicked back ears, blocking out the sound of the whinny from my mouth of my newest soldier. A beautiful day for flying, I think, before opening my wings to stop me from colliding into Aryel's body hovering delicately in the invisible sea. My teeth grapple with her mane, a smirk forming around the dark ribbons in my mouth before she shakes her neck, sliding easily from my grasp. Blue eyes widen in surprise as I recognize the pattern of movements as she begins to snake her head around, and desperately I throw my neck down, following pointed hooves sinking beside her shoulder. I twist strangely in the air to throw my own right shoulder toward her left, the grip of her mouth finding purchase near my withers, clamping tightly and sending a wave of surprised pain from my spine upward. In and effort to dislodge her, having little option in this weird awkward position where her wing could easily reach up and slap my girth, a bobbin now in the lake of the sky, I kick my back legs down toward her back with enough force to push her hopefully reeling downward if they should meet their mark, but not enough pressure to break the skin. As a consequence, my once lurched neck and front end comes flying back up like I was on some damn twisted see-saw, blurring my vision and possibly causing my crest to collide with her throat, or even less mercifully my forehead with the hard edge of a jaw. I had a lurking suspicion that today would end with a headache. [ 3/3; WC: 414 ]

[ OOC commentary;
I have very few negatives for you this time. You have really come so far! :D

I like how you paid attention to the details and strain of flying in this post, and that you avoided being confused about what Kri was doing in the air. This was something minor that I came to first in your post that isn't exactly wrong as much as it can be made better. " She wasn't going to ram her in the air, was she? If they collided and couldn't regain flight fast enough, a tumble at this height could seriously injure them both, if not kill them." This is great! However, I would really have liked to see you mention the fear that Aryel is feeling. Nervous, panic, scared, what have you. This is emotion that the judges love to see, and it will get you extra points. Do not be afraid to discuss how your character feels throughout the battle.

Mmkay, so the next critique I have is this. "She did so, twisting her head upwards and to the left to snap at her neck..." The way they are positioned in the air right now, their heads are kind of like at a point. Aryel would have to... idk bend her neck impossibly toward the side in order to bite at Kri's throat. The bite was a good idea, but your target was not. you could have aimed for her shoulder or leg, which was easily within the grasp of Aryel's mouth at the time.

Things to work on.....
Emotion. Just try to make Aryel as present in your post as possible. Keep your reactions true to her character, bring in personal thoughts and memories, and don't be afraid to mention panic or anger or joy!
Positioning and anatomy constraints. These are big problems for newer fighters, but just make sure you keep your limits as realistic as possible. Draw out a sketch like I did, if you get confused, and try to visualize it.


OKAY. So Kri's post is probably a little confusing.
Basically, Kri is sinking her neck and front end down between Aryel's neck and wing, sort of like she is "diving". Aryel's bite lands upon her withers, causing Kri to slam down with her back end, throwing her head and front end back up toward Aryel's at the time outstretched neck, trying to push Aryel's body down and away from her. If you are still confused, don't be afraid to ask questions or draw it out. ^^ GOOD LUCK ON YOUR LAST DEFENSE POST! ]