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A i s h a | P h a e d r a
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By my verdict PHAEDRA is the winner.
AISHA -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: buck – you assume your target will continue to stay in one spot, but that’s not a realistic assumption, so all that time you used to go past (granted that could be a feint, but you don’t describe it as such…), then circle around and turn back the same way you just came to attack, was unnecessary and gives your opponent plenty of time to then kick you, as now you’re hanging out by her haunches, a horse’s strongest area.
+ 1| Attack: bite – again you assume Phaedra is standing there this whole time for you to circle her and bite, would have been wiser to bite while bucking or to circle around to her right side for a bit, wasting less time and giving Phaedra less opportunity to move around. As it stands both these attacks could very easily be completely avoided.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Easy read
+ 1| Flow
PHAEDRA -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: sidestep away, slight jolt
- 1| Defense: bite – you do not mention if it lands of falls, using an attack to counter a defense doesn’t mean you can disregard explaining your defense.
- 1| Attack: wing strike – she was circling around from behind, where the wing could not have reached her as she aimed for your flank
- 1| Attack: rear – if Aisha is on your left (you said you attacked with your left wing, and she had been coming around to bite your left flank) and you are rearing forward, as you make no note of saying you turned or shifted, her back would not be near your hooves.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Easy read
+ 1| Flow
AISHA -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: jolted by your own buck attack
- 1| Defense: stopped by wing – not a viable attack and thus defense given their positions, nor would it be likely you’d have the time to just stop and retreat if you were already attacking.
- 1| Injury: you say nothing of what taking the wing to the neck did injury wise, I would assume a bruise and some pain.
0| Attack: bucking – not described at all
- 1| Defense: no mention if the hoof attack lands or not – you cannot use a counter attack and not describe if the opponent’s attack lands or not. The character is already committed to attacking you, it is up to you to decide if it lands or not, regardless of what you do back at the character in that time.
- 1| Attack: horn to stomach – normally a sound attack, but as you said you left Phaedra’s side, I cannot fathom why you could come charging back into a rear, nor would you have the time to accomplish that.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Easy read
+ 1| Flow
PHAEDRA -- post 2
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: no mention of Aisha’s errant bucks after the wing jab
+ 1| Defense: flying away, cut by horn
+ 1| Injury: hurt by haunch wound
+ 1| Attack: kick at Aisha’s back
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Flow
AISHA -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: kicked in back
- 1| Injury: zero mention of pain much less detailed injury of a kick to your sensitive backside
- 1| Attack: buck – a good response and a likely reaction from a horse, but given you were just hit in the back unlikely you would actually physically accomplish this. No mention of the back pain this attack would cause you
+ 1| Attack: rear – unlikely you could hit the head of a horse taller than you, heads are hard enough to hit as is. And no mention of the back pain this attack would cause you
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Flow
PHAEDRA -- post 3
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: avoid buck – although not likely Aisha could have bucked, she did so you must handle that attack as realistically as possible, and seeing as you said Phaedra had barely made it over Aisha and had been close enough to strike her, then Aisha too would be close enough to strike Phaedra. In the chest? No, but perhaps knocking Phaedra’s back feet, even if you get no injury damage from it, still a highly likely connection
+ 1| Defense: rear, taking hits to chest – normally a good response, and I could see it even given haunch pain, but it likely would have been a low and short rear given the pain.
+ 1| Attack: rear, pawing back
+ 1| Attack: biting
[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Flow
AISHA -- post 4 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: pain from bucking
+ 1| Defense: legs tangled
- 1| Injury: you mention no pain or describe injuries from their legs clashing
+ 1| Defense: bite to neck
- 1| Attack: pushing at Phaedra to make her hit her cut leg – you cannot attack in this post
AISHA
[Bonus]
+ 1| Health
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| I liked your opening attack actually with the horn feint and then bucking, worded a bit better next time it could be successful.
Comments: You have a lot of potential, but I’m not sure you grasp the mechanics of fighting in regards to position of the characters or the timing of attacks. You had some creative ideas, but ones that were not always realistic. You especially need to remember to take proper injury, being sure to describe the pain and lasting effects. Try to be a bit more descriptive when explaining your attacks and defenses, you often wouldn’t say the side or explain it further than a couple words which leaves opponent and judge guessing as to what you had pictured. Also please use your opponent’s name, sometimes you’d refer to both of them as ‘her’. That can work when it’s a mare vs. stallion, saying him and her, but it’s always best to use names to avoid any confusion, even if you feel like you’re saying their names a lot, that’s much preferred over guessing who’s doing what! Keep practicing and I know you’ll improve quickly.
PHAEDRA
[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Love the awkward flying leap.
Comments: I definitely think you have more skills than the outcome of this fight reflects of you, I think in this case there was some confusion that led to some of your point reductions. You write very well, although sometimes it seemed to lack emotion – you last post was lovely though. You have a keen eye for plausible attacks and defenses, and did a great job remembering your injuries and describing them well. My best advice to you at this stage is to be sure you react to all attacks and defenses, plausible or not from your opponent, and to continue to incorporate more emotion, injury, breed and surroundings to earn you more positive markings.
TOTAL
AISHA - 59
PHAEDRA - 64
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There'll be peace when you are done [Practise Spar, Aisha] - JUDGE PLEASE
