|
N o t e | M i d a s
- - - - -
By my verdict MIDAS is the winner.
NOTE -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: bite
- 1| Power Play: “as his hooves started to rake down the general’s sides…” some re-wording would make this a non-power play, but as it stands you do not give Midas the option to take the hit or not.
+ 1| Attack: rear
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
MIDAS -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: rear
+ 1| Defense: knocked by forehooves
+ 1| Defense: chin bitten
+ 1| Attack: neck bite
+ 1| Attack: kick
+ 1| Attack: tail slap
[Prose]
0| Emotion – very dry and technical post
+ 1| Flow
- 1| Easy read – you leave out pronouns, like: my, his, the etc.
NOTE -- post 2
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: no mention of Midas’ hooves during that rear?
+ 1| Defense: bitten on muzzle
+ 1| Attack: head slam – you’ve backtracked a bit too far with this attack, as the scenario between them during rearing has since ended, and now Midas has to backtrack doubly to include it in his next post.
+ 1| Defense: nicked by kick
- 1| Attack: buck – the position doesn’t make sense here, you leaped forward to avoid the last attack, with Midas already running away from you, so how does just spinning around make your buck in range?
- 1| Defense: no mention of the tail slap – even if it misses entirely, please state so.
- 1| Attack: hoof to rump – How did you go from bucking to now close enough to paw at Midas’ rump while he’s running? You’re standing still too much and need to describe moving to follow your opponent’s movements.
[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read – some confusing areas
MIDAS -- post 2
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: buck hits hock – it doesn’t make any sense that you were running, then saw him begin to buck and stopped to buck back. That’d take a lot of damage and this could have been fully avoided, the positioning is all sorts of weird here.
+ 1| Attack: buck counter-strike
- 1| Defense: you mention Note’s hoof attack, but nothing in regards to hitting or missing
+ 1| Attack: sun blind
+ 1| Attack: flying dive – with nothing to push off in the air and you only being barely off the ground, this attack will not have much force. Greater height and you falling lets momentum build from gravity to make it more powerful, or pushing off from a solid object, but otherwise the power of aerial attacks is less.
+ 1| Attack: bite
[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
- 1| Easy read – pronouns!
NOTE -- post 3 (defense only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: dives away from hooves
- 1| Injury: having a horse’s body dive onto your wing would do more than take a few feathers off
+ 1| Defense: hair bitten
NOTE
[Bonus]
+ 2| Surroundings
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
None.
Comments: You have some good attacks and defenses, but I’m not sure you fully get the timing and positioning of it all. Sometime drawing it out can help you visualize better, and watching actual horses fight will help you get a sense of the timing and flow. This fight was only maybe a couple minutes, so everything happens quick. I liked the emotion in your posts but would love to see more! Keep up the good work :)
MIDAS
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 2| Surroundings
+ 1| Health
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| I liked your trick with the sun.
Comments: As usual fantastic job with the attacks and defenses, but I need emotion from you! Midas reads like a robot in fights, which isn’t helped by the absence of pronouns, which not only makes it much more difficult to read and understand, but makes it so much less personal feeling. Great job with surroundings and breed mentions though!
TOTAL
NOTE - 58
MIDAS - 63
|
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
⇒
[Judge] let's play a bloody game [Midas]
