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I HAVE BURNED MY TOMORROWS, AND I STAND INSIDE TODAY
At the edge of the future, and my dreams all fade away
Ophelia could still hear the ringing of the Sun God's voice in her head. The memories had flooded back suddenly, and she felt as if she had been struck in the chest with a solid, heavy hoof. Breathing had been a laborious chore; to succumb to asphyxiation and the racing of her heart would have been so simple. Swaying on her hooves before the god of the Sun, she had realized all that she had done. The one god she had loved above all others, the God who had give her hope, light, love had left her alone on that rock. He had taken from her the memories she had forged through her life and expected her to be grateful when others were injured. He had taken everything she had, her sister, her loved ones, the Grey, and then, he gave it all back. Why would he set her up to fail? What had she done to deserve his wrath and disappointment? Did he truly believe that he had done her a favor? That she would thank him for making her forget her family and cherished friends?
Anger burned a hole in her heart that was soon replaced with hopelessness. Ophelia had loved the god of the sun. She had given him presents born of thoughtfulness. Not a day had gone by that he was not in her thoughts, thoughts which he had removed. Only when she realized the harm she had done, when she had already made her fated choice, did he leave. When there was no chance at absolution or resolution, he abandoned her once more to the darkness that consumed her soul - to two halves of a puzzle she was still trying to put together.
Was there a point in love, or would she forever be disappointed? She relived each memory one by one, realizing for the umpteenth time what a fool she had been to think Orisis would love her as anything more than a friend. A bitter snort escaped her grey muzzle and cast a shadow on her heart like rot on a flower. Was she a fool once more to think that the Sun God loved her? He toyed with her, and now that his plaything sits broken, he leaves it for a new one. Did he not appreciate the fact that she possessed a mind capable of rational thought? That even at her most dense without her memories, that she was able to recognize that she was living a half life? Of course not. The God of the Sun wanted her to shower him with praises for fucking up her life beyond repair. He wanted her love and adoration for making her hurt her friends and sister. He wanted happiness at his ability to make her apologize over and over at her inability to remember.
The Sun God wanted thanks for putting her in danger. A stallion who had watched as the life was drained from her body met her in a dream, and she casually ran into the stallion who had nearly taken her life. Djinn, who had saved her from nearly dying once more, had been devastated by the fact she did not remember him. Ophelia hated the Sun God. She knew that making the choice to lose her memories had been wrong, and even without them, she accepted that as truth. The mare took responsibility for her choices, her actions, but he did not have to abandon her - to blame her for choosing to be whole.
As she moved through the murk and grime, the alabaster glory of her coat faded to a dull brown. Cloven hooves shifted beneath mossy trees that blotted out the dull halo of the moon, and she vacillated between flicking her tail angrily at her hocks and hanging her body dully upon her frame. Bones rolled beneath her hooves, unseen by her strange eyes, and she felt this location rather apt to try and pick of the shambles of her life. Death and decay hung like fog among the rotted trees much like the remnants of her faith and love for the fire god. How was she going to face her sister? The Earth God must think her a fool for trusting his brother now; he had known better.
She came to a halt on a small, grassy bank, and she lurched her figure from the mud to stand on the island of solidity. Without care, she leaned against a thick tree, squeezing her eyes shut as she carefully moved through every memory. Smells of the tides moved past her nostrils, the call of gulls a melancholy sound as Nyra's horn made a gash in her side. The shades ran her family away, and she shouldered Ktulu's weight for miles. Bright, white snow, crisp and beautiful in the north lifted her spirits, bringing her to a cave where she had forgiven the spotted king for his sins. Everything was intact, perfect, flawless as always.
The sun was behind her and the dark lay ahead. Eagerly she plunged into the welcoming blackness that embraced her in obscurity and cradled her in anonymity.
Perhaps she could make them all forget.
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