the Rift


First Move [Smoke] - {Judge me!}

Official Posts: 847
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Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#6




Paladin | Smoke
- - - - -
By my verdict PALADIN is the winner.

PALADIN -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Mention of summer heat.
+ 1| Attack: biting at her neck
+ 1| Attack: kick to cannon
- 1| The only thing I did not like about this post is that I felt the movement was sluggish. His attacks would be too easily evaded.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow


SMOKE -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: rearing to avoid bite.
+ 1| Defense: allowing hooves to touch, no injury
+ 1| Attack: using the rear to lunge at him
+ 1| Attack: biting at his neck


[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read - watch your pronouns, though. You made Paladin a "her" at one point.
+ 1| Flow
0| Emotion - there was a mention of surprise, but not much else.


PALADIN -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: pivoting to avoid her lunge
+ 1| Defense: allowing a bite to the mane, avoiding injury to the neck
+ 1| Attack: kicking because his rump is facing her

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion - Paladin goes through several emotions, and even has a bit of comedy in his thoughts.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy to read

SMOKE -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: leaping back and taking the kick to the side, not enough time to evade it completely.
+ 1| Employing her magic after the shock of the kick.
+ 1| Smoke obscures her vision as well
+ 1| Attack: biting at his neck

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion - Very affected by the kick. It changes her perspective a lot.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

PALADIN -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Being affected by the kick as well.
+ 1| Defense: almost being knocked over by the collision, forcing his front end down.
+ 1| Defense: taking a painful bite the neck and squirming to get away.
- 1| Defense: I don't think the bite would have dragged as much as described and end up drawing blood.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read


PALADIN

[Bonus]
+ 1| Mention of difference in build
+ 1| Surroundings

[Injuries]
None

[Creativity]
+ 1| I loved the comic relief of mentioning shaving his mane off.

Comments: Paladin is very present in all of your posts. I think you have a very good mind for what is going on in the battle the whole time, and you work well with his breed and battle buff of swift. You handle your character very well throughout the fight. Awesome job!

SMOKE

[Bonus]
+ 1| Differences in build
+ 1| Surroundings
+ 1| Good use of magic

[Injuries]
None

[Creativity]
+ 1| Realistic yet creative ways to defend yourself.

Comments: Your attacks and defenses are very well thought out. Clearly, you are good at seeing the battle realistically, as you never place your character in an unlikely situation. Sometimes, you make slips on the emotions - don't forget to make Smoke present every post! Very good fight!

TOTAL
Paladin - 70
Smoke - 68





Messages In This Thread
First Move [Smoke] - {Judge me!} - by Paladin - 07-05-2012, 11:12 PM
RE: First Move [Smoke] - by Smoke - 07-11-2012, 01:48 AM
RE: First Move [Smoke] - by Paladin - 07-13-2012, 01:46 PM
RE: First Move [Smoke] - by Smoke - 07-18-2012, 12:23 AM
RE: First Move [Smoke] - by Paladin - 07-18-2012, 03:56 PM
RE: First Move [Smoke] - {Judge me!} - by Official - 07-18-2012, 09:22 PM

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