”What if you don’t this time?”

What if? I frowned and felt his words tug on a string inside breast; this pressing concern wasn’t something that I wanted to think about. It was often pushed to the darkest corners of my soul because as mortals we often thought ourselves to be invincible; never wondering about death and its grasping fingers that so often robbed us of life as a thief in the night. To have it so bluntly pushed forward made it feel ever more tangible and frightening. Frightening enough that my instinct as a guardian was to question the weight of duties, what if I didn’t come back? What would happen to Cera?

Even considering the possibility of being permanently separated made my heart and stomach sick with dread. Nauseous, I forcefully pushed this ‘what if’ aside and closed eyes, taking a slow breath and closing mouth seemed to help with the sudden rush of sickness. As a parent, as a father, nothing was more important to me than returning to the warm embrace of friends and family.

I wondered for a mere second that perhaps me taking on the role of ‘General,’ was a big mistake. But amidst my surge of concern your face comes to mind, Ktulu. My dragging fears lift ever so slightly and clarity comes as welcomed friend. Again, I fall back to her with safe knowledge that even if I was too part from this world—she would surely step up to care for him in my place.

This precious child.

Without him, my world would tip on its axel and possibly chuck me off. Imagining a life that didn’t include him was like imagining my wings suddenly clipped. He was the focal point of my existence, the reason I fought day in and day out. He stole breath, and gave endless surprises with each new dawn. It kept me young and with vigor, but it also aged this body beyond its years. They say you grow up when a child comes into your life, and already I felt like a tired old man.

His face is close to mine, small muzzle pressed into my cheeks. It is upon them that I feel wetness, he is crying; fear and anger finally wane. ”I-I love you too daddy.” My left wing slips out to touch him, the feather brushing across what parts they could reach and shadowing head from the sun. His scent is warm and comforting, familiar, family. ”I-I don’t want you to be hurt, dad.”

What could I say? The feeling was mutual. My lips slide open to gape like a fish; but no words come forth to offer anything that would further aid my case and earn his trust. Pulling him closer, while also being mindful of were Ilaria likely rested between lithe shoulders; l snuggle until we were but a heartbeat from each other and I simply hold him there. Wishing my soul could reach in and forcefully remove all bad memories for us both. Sink back into a time when he was younger, less corrupt, and without pressing wound that took turns ravaging us both. My neck twists over his lean body, shadowing and covering in a warmth that isn’t needed because of Tallsun; but we both had need for physical contact in this moment.

“You must trust my judgment, trust that I can protect you. Trust that I will return again.” I speak wholeheartedly and gently, soft as fur. “I also need you to do something for me when that time comes, something very important.” Pulling back a little, my gaze tries to catch his eye. Bottomless stare a pool of melted honey, that he would recognize and hopefully find comfort in.