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L e v i | G a u c h o
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By my verdict GAUCHO is the winner.
Gaucho is awarded one Victory Point!
LEVI -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Ram to Gauncho's left shoulder.
- 1| In order to be close enough to ram, I feel it would not be possible for Levi to fly over Gaucho, who is substantially taller, in such short notice.
+ 1| Attack: Kick to the right ribcage of Gaucho.
- 1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's cheek and neck. After ramming a shoulder, Levi should be facing the opposite way. This is also a bit of a stretch in time, because even if he managed to turn slightly in the air, Levi would still have to partially pivot to have his face in the first direction to bite at Gaucho.
[Prose]
- 1| Easy Read: You did not clearly state when Levi took off from the ground. One moment he is running, the next moment he is flying. All you mention is one wing opening, which is not enough to lift a pegasus into the air.
0| Emotion: This post was very mechanical and dry of emotion.
+ 1| Flow
GAUCHO -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Aiming to "shoulder bump" Levi in response to his ram, throwing his weight into his left shoulder against the impact. Accounting for Levi's "fat" was an humorous addition.
+ 1| Attack: Bucking out at Levi in the air.
+ 1| Injury: Taking Levi's kick to his ribs, sustaining no broken bones.
+ 1| Attack: Wing slap to Levi's ribs.
+ 1| Defense: Throwing up head to avoid bite.
- 2| Powerplay: "...while at the same time, rearing up and into Levi." You cannot say that Gaucho throws himself into Levi. This is too restrictive of language, and forces Levi to take the hit.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking front legs during rear at Levi's head or chest.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion
LEVI -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Allowing the blow from Gaucho to land on his right shoulder and neck.
- 1| Injury: You make no mention of the damage done by Gaucho's attack.
+ 1| Defense: Gaucho's kick hits Levi in the stomach.
- 1| Injury: You do not really describe the wound well at all here, not to mention you took an attack to a very unguarded area of a horse. I would much have preferred a kick to the lower ribcage than the stomach.
- 1| Defense: You missed Gaucho's wing attack.
+ 1| Attack: Headbutt into Gaucho's shoulder.
+ 1| Defense: Rearing in response to Gaucho's rear.
+ 1| Defense: Taking Gaucho's kick to the face.
- 1| Injury: No description of damage again.
+ 1| Attack: Attempting to kick out toward Gaucho's face. I decided to award you this point, even though Gaucho is significantly taller than Levi. I can still see it as possible, as they are not that disparate, but something to keep in mind.
- 1| Attack: Kicking out with a back leg toward Gaucho's back thigh. You never mention Levi repositioning to make this attack plausible.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
GAUCHO -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Allowing the kicks to Gaucho's neck, trying to shove Levi to avoid further damage.
- 2| Powerplay: You cannot say that you shove him directly, again, as it is restrictive to your opponent.
+ 1| Defense: Taking the kick to his leg, further up on a less delicate area.
- 1| Injury: Your description of the injury for this attack is minimal at best. A muscle cramp is about all we get out of it, but this does not fully describe what happened.
+ 1| Attack: Charging toward the left shoulder of Levi.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Levi's neck.
+ 1| Attack: Bucking at Levi as Gaucho feints away.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: Angry Gaucho
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read
LEVI -- post 3 (closing defense)
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Being shoved by Gaucho after Levi's attack.
+ 1| Defense: Taking the ram from Gaucho.
- 1| Injury: no mention of injury from the ram.
+ 1| Defense: The bite from Gaucho reopens a former wound.
- 2| Attack: This is a closing defense, you are not supposed to attack. Also, I am not sure how horses would bend their knees backwards. The joint only goes one way.
+ 1| Defense: Throwing wings out to try and blind Gaucho.
- 1| No mention of Gaucho's last kick.
- 1| Attack: There are to be no attacks in a closing defense. Kicking out at Gaucho.
[Prose]
- 1| Easy Read: I was very confused with with you were doing often in this post.
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
LEVI
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed comparison
+ 1| Using the sand of the desert to feel vibrations
[Injuries]
- 1| Excessive bleeding of the neck and stomach.
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: I think you should definitely focus on describing injuries in your fights. You almost never did this, and when you did it was often less than I would have liked to see. You seem to be lost a lot in terms of positioning, as well, and timing. I would work on the basics and nail them down. They are pesky little things, but you could have done much better not having missed so many of those little details. It might seem nitpicky, but these are what are called for on the rubric. Be sure to read over it carefully!
GAUCHO
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed comparison
+ 1| Effect of the heat
+ 1| Least injured
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: You did well! I think that you have made strides in your fighting abilities. The one thing I want to stress is to be very careful about powerful wording. If your writing comes across as too declarative, it is powerplay. You cannot say that your actions affect your opponent, as that is for them to decide. Powerplay is very easily avoided by simply adding "trying to" before the attack or "aiming to". It is a small change, but it makes a big difference in meaning! That is the only real issue I saw throughout the fight.
TOTAL
Levi - 55
Gaucho - 65
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Will we not survive ourselves? Practise Spar | Levi
