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A r c h i b a l d | G a u c h o
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By my verdict GAUCHO is the winner.
Gaucho has been awarded 2 VP for winning, and may now use the Battle Buff Swift.
ARCHIBALD -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
+1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's ribs.
+1| Attack: Bucking out at Gaucho's elbow.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+1| Flow
0| Ease of Read: The gap you had between the mention of his jaws opening and the actual bite was confusing and I thought at first that he had snapped out Gaucho and then continued running and bit again. Reading again, I knew what you meant, but because I struggled I can't award you the point.
GAUCHO -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Throwing his body weight toward Archibald's left shoulder.
0| Injury: Bite taken to the ribcage. You did not explain the extent of this injury.
- 1| Injury: I am not sure how Archibald's legs end up between Gaucho's front legs under his ribs. For one, Archibald is taller than Gaucho, and you do not mention lifting of any kind, but dropping even. Also, Archibald is running toward the opposite end of Gaucho. This injury did not seem plausible, even after reading through several times and your summary.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking at Archibald's right shoulder with front hooves after a pivot.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at the withers/neck of Archibald.
0| Attack: Bucking at Archibald. Given that you describe no attempt to chase after Archie, and he did not mention stopping his movement, I doubt this attack would be anywhere near the draft (unless Gaucho is standing on a treadmill of some sort o:).
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy Read: I was really confused with the way you took Archibald's kick, and also the wording of that sentence was questionable at best. I'm not sure how you turned around, and "dropping his left shoulder" is not sufficient for me to assume a turn.
ARCHIBALD -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: Taking the slam to his side.
- 1| Defense: You mention sidestepping, but not the direction. This made the acceptance of the attack to his right shoulder confusing. Gaucho is originally aiming for Archibald's right shoulder before the sidestep, so I pieced together which side you were going for, but I shouldn't have to. I also am not sure why you would not have Archibald just side step out of the reach of this attack.
+ 1| Injury: Good mention of the former injury.
+ 1| Defense: Moving the bite to the mane instead of the neck.
- 1| Defense: Backing up to avoid a kick. Kicking is slow as far as horse moves total, but horses are extremely slow when backing up. Drafts are also not exactly known for their graceful footwork. Basically, I find it very unlikely he would miss this attack entirely.
+ 1| Attack: Using Archibald's magic to turn Gaucho to stone.
- 2| Powerplay: "his magic rushes forward, gripping the stallion before him with all of its might." I know this is magic, but you still cannot word this as a certainty, and especially with such definitiveness. Your magic restrictions clearly offer some variation of the strength in this magic, and your opponent should be able to use that variation here if they wish. The language of this phrase suggests that the worst possible effect is going into play.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's nose and trying to rip out the bone if successful.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read
GAUCHO -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Forcing his head to the right to avoid losing his bone piercing.
+ 1| Injury: I cringed from imagining the tearing in my nose during this post. Ouch.
+ 1| Defense: Enclosing himself within his wings to avoid life threatening injury
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I really enoyed Gaucho's "real talk" at the beginning of this post when he realizes how outmatched he is, and the response to his magic.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read
ARCHIBALD -- post 3 (defense only)
[Realism]
0| Defense: Responding to Gaucho's wing movements as an "attack". This was clearly written in a defensive manner in the post and summary, and while I cannot fault you for having responsed with a buck at the brush of feathers, I also cannot award you for misconstruing your opponent's movements.
ARCHIBALD
[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings: mentioning the hardpacked dirt of the terrain.
+ 1| Least injured.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: You know Archibald very well, and I think you used your buffs realistically. Your attacks were all plausible, and I had no trouble with the logic you used. However, I do want to tell you now that you will not be awarded Experience bonuses unless the fight has taken place IC on Helovia or Isilme. Also, unless your use of the surroundings affects the fight or your character in some way, bonus points will also not be rewarded. Overall, you really just need to work on making your posts as clear as possible, and I would suggest trying to avoid fishing for points and making your fights more organic and natural! Trying to play the rubric is smart, but there were also sore thumbs stuck in there to goad points out of me. :)
GAUCHO
[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed comparison: Making an emotional connection between Gaucho's uncertainty when facing a larger, stronger opponent. Gaucho noted that Archibald should have been slower, but was not because of either experience or magic.
+ 1| Surroundings: heat around his face after Gaucho encloses his head in his wings causes dizziness and nausea.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: You have done well in this fight! You had a rocky start in your first post, with the jumble of attacks that were not exactly realistic given the time frame you were attacking in without readjustment for Archibald's position. Your second post was miles better, despite the lack of attacks, and I definitely appreciate your valiant efforts to avoid powerplay. I would work on the clarity of how you write out movements. In the first post, I was confused on what Gaucho was actually doing, and I think that ultimately made the entire post read as choppy.
TOTAL
Archibald - 60
Gaucho - 62
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[COMPLETE] They all fall down | Practise Spar, Archibald
