Lakota was seriously tired of babysitting.

God damn it sure, she was older. She was wiser, had far more experience than the little runts, and had magic to back her ass. But that didn't mean she was a nanny! Okay, so she'd taken on the task of watching over Ophelia, Ktulu, and Hototo on her own. But that was the task she'd always taken on, far too loyal to not do it. The vixen would kill herself before she ever let them be harmed simply because she wasn't watchful enough. She knew she had big sister instincts far larger than most, and had a problem with being a grumpy bitch that watched out for her charges with a chaste, subtle kind of love. Most of the time she came off as awkward and unhappy, but they always seemed to get the message. Nevertheless! Gods, she'd had to save Phaedra from a fucking sea monster and a pack of wolves! Then the youth had somehow grown on her, and Lakota had unhappily (fake and you know it, Kota) taken her beneath metaphorical wing. Jesus the only ones who had sense about them seemed to be on the mercenary side of things! (Except Apollo. Apollo doesn't count) Flipping the bird to her sarcastic mind that loved to remind her of things she didn't want to know. They were pushed away for a reason. Rafe and Osiris were the only others she knew that weren't more trouble than they were worth, and she hardly ever saw them around. Ktulu, at least, didn't seem to care about her personal shadow.

She had nearly exhausted herself to the point of unconsciousness when she had saved Phaedra, and directly after recovering she had fled the shadows of her home and broken into the sharp sunlight of tallsun. There was no use trying to hide. Shadows were her friend, hiding her in swathes of obsidian. With the sun beating down on the earth, she was a sore thumb in the beautifully flowered meadow. Despite the slowing rains, which were hardly noticeable, the flowers were blooming relentlessly. It seemed that this meadow always made her walls drop, crashing like glass to her hooves. It was simple why this happened, and once you understood the backstory you would also understand why she traveled to this particular place only when she wanted to let go. Stupid Ithrim...

When she was young and cold and he'd saved her from herself, she'd been the epitome of a fumbling filly. It seemed everywhere she'd turned he'd be doing something stupidly sweet with that half goofy grin half smirk. And every time she would feel as if her legs were tangled and she was falling. At the time she hadn't understood that sensation was her falling impossibly in love with the goofy smartass. Despite knowing she could never keep them around her parents, he would place flower after flower in her long black locks. Lakota would grumble, flustered and anxious, hiding it behind sarcasm and biting comments that never seemed to affect him. Even so, she would never shake them out until she absolutely had to for fear her parents would catch her. Every flower, even the thistle that crowded them, reminded her of him. Stupid Ithrim...she thought again, with sorrow. Stupid, stupid Ithrim...I love you. Long ebony legs bent until shins touched the earth. Curling up on the earth, eyes shiny with tears she knew would never spill. Lakota was not worthy of crying. Slowly she lowered down to her side, dark lips touching the petal of the nearest flower. Every soft breath made it flutter and sway. Feeling as if her heartbeat was connecting with that of the earth. Hoping to the Gods that somewhere Ithrim really was waiting, that he could feel it still beating. What the fuck did she care if someone ventured upon her, judged her? Let them see! Let them see what happens when you meet the perfect other piece of your soul, and have it torn apart right before your very eyes! If anyone judged her for this intimacy, this vulnerability, then they were foolish and blind. For losing a lover as she had lost hers was a pain not worth enduring. Had she not sworn her continuing existence to her dying soulmate she would have cut short the rhythm of her heart within seconds of his death. No, instead he had made her swear to move on. To divert from the path of her parents, to love again. He had saddled her with a curse and a blessing. You know you can't love again. For he was the only one you could ever love. Pained thoughts made tears sting sharper but still they did not fall. No. No, she promised. She swore that she would love again, and she would.

Heavy sigh made the flower bow dangerously, and Lakota turned her gaze to the sky. Lifting the front half of her body, resting still on the warm sun baked earth. Depression does not suit you, she snapped at herself, and struggled to push away the memories that flooded out every time she let down the barriers of her mind. Ithrim smiling, laughing, winking at her. Flicking her with his tail, putting flowers in her hair. Pushing her lithe body around but always there to steady her. Slowly they faded as she forced them back, though face was weary from doing so.

Fuck you Ithrim.

I love you...