|
L u p u s | G a u c h o
- - - - -
By my verdict GAUCHO is the winner.
Gaucho is award one VP.
LUPUS -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
- 1| Attack: Attacking Gaucho's chest. This is not a good idea for a wolf to charge head on a horse which can easily just tromple over him before he gets a chance to latch on to his chest. The side would have been a better and more logical target.
- 2| Powerplay: "My neck also extended with open jaws,suddenly clamping down to grab a chunk of his chest or fleshy neck." -- This is declarative language which reads that his jaws clamp down on Gaucho's chest or neck area, just that Lupus is uncertain of where his attack lands.
[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
- 1| Ease of read: You have many, many grammatical errors that made reading this post difficult. I suggest running your post through a word processor and proofreading before posting.
GAUCHO -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Trying to scoop Lupus into his antlers.
+ 1| Defense: Closing his eyes to avoid the claws.
+ 1| Injury: Claws of the wolf to his nostril.
+ 1| Attack: Swinging head up and trying to hit Lupus along the way.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking with forelegs toward Lupus as the dreamcatcher wolf is attempting to distract him.
[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read
- 1| Emotion: this sorely lacked emotional presence and motivation.
LUPUS -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Being tossed in the air by Gaucho's horns with the unexpected throw of his head.
+ 1| Injury: Being scraped by his horns in the air.
- 1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's back. Unless Gaucho had flung his head entirely backward, Lupus would probably be flying forward (or back the way he arrived), and not toward Gaucho's back. It was a creative thought, but not realistic.
+ 1| Touching the mist wolf was an interesting part of this post, and you handled the magic well.
- 1| Attack: Running to attack the underside of a moving horse is not smart, and not a good or plausible attack unless you want to walk away mangled.
- 1| Injury: No specifc mention of whether or not Gaucho's kicks miss.
[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read: there were some errors, but I was never confused during this post like I was in the last one.
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
GAUCHO -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Crow-hopping to dislodge Lupus from his back.
+ 1| Attack: Running over Lupus and kicking as her leaves.
+ 1| Magic: Corraling Lupus was neat.
+ 1| Attack: Aiming to knock Lupus with his horns.
- 2| Powerplay: "form of Lupus, surrounded by the three snarling wolves" -- This is declarative language which reads that Lupus could not possibly evade being encircled or escape Gaucho's attack.
[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: Much better in this post.
LUPUS -- post 3 (defense only)
[Realism]
- 1| Injury: Gaucho does not kick at Lupus as he is dislodged from his back, but you write that he is clipped by hooves. Either Lupus is defying physics and jumping in front of Gaucho, or you have read your opponent's post wrong. I still cannot count this injury as being realistic.
0 | Defense: You were supposed to be attacking Gaucho's chest, and then he was going to run over you and kick after he had passed. I won't count off more points for this, but I felt I should clarify.
+ 1| Defense: Leaping over gap between the wolves and avoiding Gaucho's attack.
LUPUS
[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings: You mention several times the heat of the desert.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: You have made improvements in your fighting abilities. I really appreciated seeing you take some attacks during this fight, but I think you still need to work on mechanics. Don't be afraid to draw out what is happening if you get lost or confused on which way your character shoud go. Also, I really encourage the use of a word processor just to clarify the reading of your posts, as I often struggled due to spelling and grammatical errors that could easily be caught otherwise. Good job!
GAUCHO
[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings: Mention of the heat.
+ 1| Past experience: Comparing your spar with Ayaka to Lupus to help Gaucho decide how to go about this fight.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Defense: scooping up Lupus into Gaucho's antlers was a brilliant and fun idea.
Comments: I can definitely see some improvement in your skill as well. You still have some problems with declarative language which can be misconstrued as powerplay. Be extra super ultra careful when writing, and reword things if necessary. You understand well the mechanics of fighting, and I think you really just need to work on the extra details to really make your scores skyrocket.
TOTAL
Lupus - 53
Gaucho - 64
|
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
⇒
[COMPLETE]All that counts is here and now | Practise Spar, Lupus
