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08-18-2013, 11:10 AM
- - - - - By my verdict KRI is the winner. Kri receives 2VP and unlocks the battle buff MAGE. Kri -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Body slam into Midas' wing. +1 | Attack: Kick towards Midas' left rump [Prose] + 1| Emotion: I LOVED this line: I am bound to them. A dragon and her precious treasures. + 1| Flow +1 | Easy Read Midas -- post 1 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Throwing weight to the right to avoid Kri - 1| Injury: You do not specify if Midas felt any pain when she collided with his wing - only that it was unbalanced. - 1| Defense: Taking her hit to Midas' croup: I don't know what 'below his croup' means - 'below' the croup, would be his dock - given Midas' compact body, it isn't as though there is a lot of length there. More to the point, if Kri is coming UP at Midas, and he veers RIGHT, I don't reasonably see how Kri could manage to kick on TOP of him, namely anywhere near his croup, or dock. - 2| Powerplay: With gaining acceleration I rise and soar above her. - You cannot dictate where your opponent is - you can only judge where they might be in relation to you, or when you are trying to place yourself. + 1| Attack: Bite to the top of Kri's crest. + 1| Attack: Hoof attack to loins and withers. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: I bend down to take up a mouthful of mane or whatever happened to come in contact should I miss entirely. The caveat at the end saved this from being a full PP, but it still implies that even if it isn't mane Midas comes away with, it will still be something, which is PP. [Prose] + 1| Flow - 1| Easy Read: I had to pause a number of times to try and understand what Midas was doing. Things like "below his croup" or "teeth inside the top portion of her crest" - how can you bite inside her crest? It's either on top, or left or right. + 1| Emotion: ..she kicked my rump so I was going to pull her hair in retaliation. xD Kri -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Experience: Recalling the spar with Azzaron + 1| Injury: Bite to the neck + 1| Injury: Kick to the left wing + 1| Attack: Kick to Midas' rump + 1| Attack: Forelegs to Midas' shoulders + 1| Attack: Bite to Midas' neck [Prose] 0 | Easy read: Spelling. he offers litter resistance; tucked tight across my best and..; instead toward the the left side, +1 | Flow +1 | Emotion Midas -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Attack to his shoulders - 1| Dropped attack: Kri kicks with her hindlegs first, then her front. 0| Defense: Kri bites at Midas' neck almost immediately after she extends her front legs to his shoulders. Your post reads as though there is enough time for Midas to feel his shoulders hit, then raise his wings and push back. Kri would have already bit by now - or slammed her face into his neck. +1 Attack: Wing beats to disturb the air [Prose] + 1| Flow + 1| Emotion: I love how you write Midas - especially how he tries to copy Kri's movements, but find it hard due to the sound of blood pumping in his ears. + 1| Easy Read Kri -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Avoiding Midas' head after he stalls + 1| Defense: Responds appropriately to the disturbed air - 2| Powerplay: now underneath my General once more. + 1| Attack: Left shoulder to Midas' right barrel + 1| Defense: Head turn, and wings held in. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow + 1| Emotion: HA. I loved Kri in this post. Midas -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Attack to Midas' left side. + 1| Defense: Thrashing out to warn Kri off 0| Attack: Kick to Kri's shoulders or back - She is small and quick, and likely wouldn't have lingered once she hit Midas. But then Midas also rolled away left, after dropping a few feet. It's very unlikely, given his breed, that he could have hit her. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow + 1| Emotion Kri -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Hoof to the left shoulder and barrel. + 1| Defense: Evading Midas' kick Kri [Bonus] + 1| Breed Comparison: + 2| Surroundings: Your knowledge of how to write in wind, and what flying in the air would be like, is excellent. [Injuries] None [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Great to see Kri off balance! Midas [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison: You were very aware of Kri's size as well as her skills in this battle. + 1| Surroundings [Injuries] None [Creativity] + 1| Wing Stall: Although I felt it was an unrealistic maneuver given the time frame, this was an excellent attack! Comments: I think it would really help in aerial battles, to consider how little resistance there is in the air. When something large shoots towards a relatively stable air born object, it's going to send it flying. Sometimes I felt as though that got lost in your posts. The second thing, is that you don't need to write Midas, where Kri thinks he is. A number of times Kri came towards him at a great distance, and he just patiently waited for her attacks - why wouldn't he move? Or only try at the last minute? Lastly, careful for PP! Always indicate intent. You were penalized for it once, and close again in this instance; I bend down to take up a mouthful of mane or whatever happened to come in contact should I miss entirely. - It reads really strongly, even though you qualify at the end that you could "miss entirely". Really great writing though! TOTAL Kri - 73 Midas - 62 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
