KRI the Resolute</style> My friends, I am only flesh and bone, but I won't let you die alone.</style> I feel the pressure of skin against mine a split second before the jolt of bone against bone. There is pain on both sides of this line, but as I am used to throwing my weight around, I am prepared to handle the jarring of my body as it collides with his. Note's slender figure gives in comparison to mine, the momentum of my body colliding with his and sending him backward, even as my teeth are unleashed like ravenous beasts at his neck. The clutch loosely against the skin that yields away from me, leaving little damage on the neck of Note, hairs crowding my mouth unpleasantly, but nevertheless causes an shock in my own jaw as our bodies meet. Even before my head retreats, I feel the motion of his neck downward since I cannot rely on my sight as easily in this poor lighting, craning around my own, and instead of fleeing away from Note, I slam my weight backwards onto my hooves, allowing my front end to be pulled up into a half-rear that as I twist my body farther left. I was not foolish enough to be caught in a rear during battle while my opponent was still on the ground and fully aware of my presence. |
[ Critiques for this last post.
It was great that you allowed Note to be pushed back, and you followed my advice to throw up his head! Realistic redirection of Kri's bite.
The first thing that really bothered me in your revision was that you have Note move his neck around Kri's to be able to bite her, but you don't explicitly say that. Instead of saying he swooped his neck down and back up, you should say something like "Note weaves his neck around Kri's to get a clearer view of her back as he moves in for a bite" or something. I was at a loss as to -why- he was moving his neck for like five minutes. xD I was like ...why doesn't he just bite her. Until I remembered that Kri is biting him around the same time. It was a good attack, just not really articulated well.
You did better on emotion and I definitely saw some good breed comparison there. ;D
Kri's attack synopsis:
Kri attempts a sort of half rear (more of a lift of her front end caused by suddenly stopping), which jams her left shoulder into Note's mouth. After that, she throws her body forward, hoping to knock her right shoulder into Note's stomach as he rears to knock him over. ]