D e s t r i e r | S m o k e
- - - - -
By my verdict DESTRIER is still the winner.

DESTRIER -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
- 1| Attack: in a way, this is a good opening attack, as it's really hard to do them, but I think that you could have executed it in a much better way. First off, you do not specify on which side of her you aim, nor where in particular, mentioning only that you try to bite (however, plus points for mentioning that you'd try and stick close if Smoke tries to dodge). As you did the first attack in the opening post, it also leaves little room for Smoke to say where she would be in relation to Destrier, which is kind of borderline powerplay. (If permission to assume the opponent comes in and stands there was given, it's always best to state so.)

[Prose]
0| Emotion: this post comes off with surprisingly little emotion, as it does contain a lot of his past.
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow, though you did change tense a few times.

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SMOKE -- post 1

[Realism]
0| Defense: I know that the attack was not the most detailed, but my reaction to your description was "I expected more" - not necessarily that Des would land a bite, but some description of how and where they glanced off, and most importantly: it still would've been felt, wouldn't it? Did his teeth just rake across her skin, and if so, what did it feel like?
- 1| Attack: "she didn't expect to have any better success with her own bite" lacks direction and aim. The left/right is not an issue here as they're clearly head to head, but would become one should the bite land after all, as Destrier would have to know where he got bitten. But on the whole, you could've aimed from anywhere between his muzzle and his dock: his entire side is too wide a target to just say "I try to bite".
+ 1| Attack: charge to his side.
+ 1| Attack: biting towards his neck.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion.
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.

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DESTRIER -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: teeth to his side. Though I really would've liked you to state where it hit, you did describe the sensation and marginal effects of it (hence the +1 and not a 0 as Smoke's).
+ 1| Counter-attack: bucking towards her. I like that Destrier moderated his power as this is just a spar.
- 1| Defense: however, you also should've written that the pair of you collide, probably mid-buck, as she'd already committed to the attack and had to hit you anyway. The only thing you couldn't have been able to specify was where your hind hooves hit her.
- 1| Defense: no mention of her bite.

[Prose]
0| Emotion: this post seems a bit dry and emotionless to me. Try to put more adjectives in it! (Though, I know, emotion is one of the hardest things in a spar, where you can't fuel yourself with anger.)
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.

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SMOKE -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Fight mechanics: you had already committed to a charge, meaning you cannot break it off and throw yourself to the right. As Dingo's was not a defense (for example, Destrier turning and Smoke running into his ass), but a counter-attack, she couldn't decide how/where to hit Smoke, but as it was a reaction to a committed attack, you would've had to follow up the initial plan, ie crashing into him (mid-buck probably).
+ 1| Attack: smoke screen.
- 2| Powerplay: ".. but she knew exactly where he was." Maybe she knew where she'd left him, but she can't know he's still there, as that is up to Destrier.
+ 1| Attack: rearing towards his shoulder.
0| Attack: bite to topline. Topline is defined, as far as I could find, as "the upper curvature of a horse's withers, back, and loin", meaning all the way from the withers to the butt (all sources differ, some include the neck (which would only make it an ever broader region, some not, so I went with wikipedia in the end; however, "neck topline" (poll to withers) also exists, so the deeper I go into the mystery of the topline, the vaguer the aim becomes). Even under the circumstances, it's not specific enough for me, and I would've rathered you'd just said "where his withers ought to be" or "the middle of his back" or "his nape" or something, depending on what exactly you wanted to achieve.
0| Experience: I actually looked up the fight I think you were talking about, the spar between Smoke and Paladin way back then. They differ in aim, as there she tried to push Paladin's head down, here she's striking towards Des' back and later bites his back. Nor would I say it was "quite successful" as she didn't achieve what she intended that time.
+ 1| Attack: spinning away and bucking.

[Prose]
0| Emotion: I feel that Smoke was less present in this post, it was to me, really, in the last couple of sentences that you brought her out.
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Emotion.

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DESTRIER -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: coughing from the smoke.
+ 1| Defense: taking the hooves to his shoulder.
+ 1| Counter-attack: bucking at her.
+ 1| Defense: missing the bite.
+ 1| Defense: nicked flank from buck, as he'd changed position.
+ 1| Attack: magic (I actually checked when/how he got the magic, and the posts made after that, to see if he had ever let anyone know of it, to make sure that the assessment that "Smoke wouldn't know" was accurate).
+ 1| Attack: rearing towards her shoulder. I was a bit iffy on this one, as it can be assumed that you assume that Smoke is standing still, however, as you never explicitly said so (only that Destrier attacked physically at the same time was magically) it's okay.
+ 1| Attack: turning away and bucking.

[Prose]
0| Emotion: this post was better, but not quite there yet!
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.

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SMOKE -- post 3

[Realism]
0| Defense: moving aside from the kick. While I think it's a good reaction, I feel like you brush it off too much. The way that her leg is being "pushed into her and up" suggests to me he swept low, where the leg is the most fragile to a blow (no large muscles to absorb the impact) and then forced it up, but the only mention is "nearly pulling a muscle", while I feel like it should've left a more lasting impact given where it seems it hit.
+ 1| Defense: spinning away from his attack.
+ 1| Defense: avoiding buck by moving away.
+ 1| Attack: dragon fire, though you could've been more specific in its aim.
- 1| Defense: coughing from the heated air, dry throat. However, I think that you downplayed the effects of this, as you ignored the majority of other side-effects listed in the records (dulling of senses due to hypoxia, frequently disabling the ability to dodge (by this wording, I assume it means you've got a lot of trouble coordinating mind and bondy), yet Smoke easily just dances aside).

[Prose]
0| Emotion: you're nearly there, but in the end, not quite there enough.
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.

---

DESTRIER -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: wheeling away and taking the burn on the shoulder.
+ 1| Attack: War stomp.
+ 1| Attack: charging at her.

[Prose]
0| Emotion: much better, but not quite there throughout the entire post.
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow.

---

SMOKE -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: trying to dive out of the way, but stopped by the war stomp, though it would've made more sense if she'd pivoted on her hind legs to the right, as they "take off" using them (and that would put her further away, as turning around her front end would swing her hind end out).
+ 1| Defense: almost toppled by the ram.
- 2| Powerplay: First off, you claim to overtake Destrier, and also that he is still running, which you have no real idea of. Secondly, you state that you swing "into him", which is powerplay (something like "swung closer to" would not have been). On the whole, the attack would've been a lot better if you'd only attempted to come up next to him and tried to bite once, and this could've been done in passing if he stood still, but with "Another burst of speed, a snap at his neck..." you seal it as Destrier running, something which was never indicated at the end of Dingo's last post.
+ 1| Biting towards his shoulder.
+ 1| Biting towards his neck.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion. This post felt as if she was more present throughout, and not just here and there.
+ 1| Ease of read.
+ 1| Flow.

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DESTRIER -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: braking to ruin her aim, first bite glancing off.
+ 1| Defense: second bite missing due to him standing still.

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DESTRIER

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed: throughout the fight, you were good with thinking about breed differences and how they affected the fight.
+ 1| Surroundings: it was only, really, in the first and last post you mentioned the terrain, but when you did you did it well.

[Injuries]
0| Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
0| Nothing of note.

Comments: Good job! You missed out on a few specifics and attacks sometimes, so a good rule of thumb is to always ask yourself "Where does my character aim? Which side? What body parts involved?", and to always read through your opponents posts carefully and tick off "Did I mention that attack, even if it missed completely?" for every attack. Otherwise, you did well, though you could work a bit on the emotion - I, personally, find it very hard to find emotion in a friendly spar, but towards the end, when he grew more reckless, it got a lot better! On the whole, you've got a good grasp on fighting and the fight mechanics, as well as how a horse would move.

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SMOKE

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed: throughout the fight, you were good with thinking about breed differences and how they affected the fight.
+ 1| Surroundings: it was only in a post or two you commented upon the terrain, but when you did it, you did it well.

[Injuries]
0| Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
0| Nothing of note.

Comments: Good job you too! What I said about emotion in spars would go for you as well, though it got better towards the end. On the whole, I find that you do not mention a lot of pain, nor properly take the damage you should even in hard circumstances (the kick to her hind leg, the superheated air), so it's something to think about for the future. On another note, I also do not recommend moving away at the end of a post, but rather I suggest ending with the attack, as it does not create the borderline powerplay situation where you try to force your opponent into just taking every blow lying down and not trying to prevent Smoke from dancing away again. You can end by preparing to move away, meaning they have a choice to let you, but as you don't know what counter-attack they might throw at you (you could find yourself in the situation where you wrote that you moved aside, but their counter-attack might be to bind you to the ground, and suddenly you've created a messed-up timeline), I really suggest ending each post on the attack. On the whole, I think you did a good job, and you've got a good grasp on fighting.

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TOTAL
Destrier - 73
Smoke - 69