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My lord had come to lay near me, his touch and tenderness softens me, gives me strength to lay by while I await judgment. Those bright eyes stare off, no doubt pondering my question and how to answer in a way that would be understood. Or perhaps he pondered how to punish my foolish self for harboring hate in the first place. I wait, silent now and still, patient for him to either give life to the monster, or provide a foothold for the creature that my kinsmen called, ‘Brother.’ One of us add to go, two beings couldn’t live in the body of a single flesh. The mountain turned to regard me with a smile, which I took comfort in but also couldn’t find the energy to return.
"This hate is one born of love."
Hate and love? How could two thing exist together? Ears perk a little with new questions forming, eyes drift up to lock into the king of everything solid in my life. A line of confusion furrowed my brow and caused frown to only deepen, but I held my tongue behind teeth nonetheless, "You feel so strongly because it is your love for your son magnified through an ugly lens." I was beginning to see were this conversation was leading, he was going to give me an answer, "You are not tainted but hurt deeply, and the relief you seek is not what will ultimately heal the scars upon your heart. Instead, it will entrench them deeper."
Would I be happy once the one who had caused so much grief was finally stricken from this world? My skull tips a little, considering. Inside, my heart lurks behind collar and flesh, he speaks the truth. I wouldn’t stop, would I? Once I got a taste for revenge the creature that I was would be no more, my soul wouldn’t be the same. I wasn’t afraid of this, instead it more or less caused sadness. Honestly when it really boiled down to the core, intentions had never been to destroy anyone; no matter what their sins were. Even in childhood my parents had taught me to be honorable, never taking life unless without further choice—and then mourning in the sorrow of actions. When you rob someone of breath without thought, and then never pause for reflection....what does that say upon a man's character?
Ears wouldn’t have had to listen to what he said next, I knew what was coming.
"You must find in your heart the strength to forgive those who injure you with cruelty, in order to protect the stallion your loved ones admire most."
The 'strength to forgive', pausing, I take a moment to search my heart for the support he requested. “I can mediate upon your words and find the strength to forgive in this moment but—what do I do when and if I see him upon the field of battle…or see him at all? Do I simply turn aside and show love to the enemy?” It was easy enough to forgive when the one I sought remained hidden from view for many long months. Even if I forgave now, would these eyes be able to handle seeing him again and not feel a sliver of resentment? Would I not want to end his life once again if he stepped onto my homeland and offered self-up as folder for the war?
“When….when is right to take a life?”
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On the brink of failure (earth god, open)
