I sensed his presence before he made himself visible. I wasn't sure why this surprised me so - had he not always managed to find me before? - but when he emerged from the trees, a mild surprise registered on my face. Guilt was quick to follow as I noted the distance in his eyes and voice. Had I made a mistake, coming here alone? Running from one who would have given me company? From one who quite clearly cared for me deeply? He had found me here, had watched over me in my vulnerability, and approached now to continue protecting our small family. Was that what we were? A family? It was a concept that I had yet to consider, and as he grew closer I felt as though it might just be so.

Something inside me adjusted then, and I felt as though I saw clearly for the first time in weeks. Later I would come to understand that my personality might have been warped by the effects of pregnancy and the hormones that came with it, but at that moment, all I knew was that it felt like coming up for air. My head raised from our daughter's form and I offered a tired smile. "She is beautiful," I agreed softly. Again the lack of emotion in his voice sent a shudder of guilt through me. It was deserved, I knew - I owed him more than running away. I hoped that the damage I had done was not irreparable, for as he greeted out daughter I saw for the first time a vision of my - our - future. Was it too late now to make that happen?

I watched in silence as the youngling rose unsteadily to her feet. She was a fighter, she was strong, I could see it clear as day. "Essetia," Thor christened her, and somewhere in the back of my mind, a sense of deja vu arose. I shook my head, tossing it away, for he had never named me, had he? When he glanced at me, his eyes curious, as though waiting for my verdict, I stretched across the distance between us to brush the velvet of my muzzle over his shoulder. "She is strong, like you," I told him. It seemed that she had received most of her physical characteristics from her father. I could only hope that she had also been blessed with his mind, for mine was notoriously unstable.

Again I fell into the spiral of worry that had plagued me for months as I had carried her within my womb. She had been safe there, but in this new world, she was in danger. The world was a cold place, I knew that all too well, and she had something else working against her - a mother with some strange affliction. Would Thor always be there to protect her? Would she come to fear me as I feared myself? The pain of such a relationship would undoubtedly break me, for the greatest of any parent's fears is to lose their child. Would it be worse to lose one to death or to a life without me? My orbs were undoubtedly troubled, but instinct told me to nudge Essetia gently, to guide her to her first meal. Later, I told myself. I will worry later.


"talk"

If love is surrender, then whose war is it anyway?