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02-26-2013, 08:45 AM
Sorry that it took me so long to get to this, my muse and mind kind of crashed. x[ Also, too bad I don't play my old-old character Adalwulf anymore, or they could've shouted German at each other. <3
Dusk: and darkness fell as the light failed. Shadows snapped at his hocks as they drew tighter around him in a mocking embrace of his argent glow, and only when the trees shrouded the sky completely did Mauja stop being a beacon of light. It was the curse of having an alabaster hide, yet he would not trade his color for anything in the world — upon the snows where he lived, it was he who remained unseen, nothing but a smear of white against a backdrop of the same color. A small smile curled his lips in the dark, black-rimmed ears twitching and swirling; he was in this foreign forest, tracking the call of someone who asked for blood. Did they expect him to come, trussed and obedient, like a lamb to the slaughter? Hopefully they had more sense than that, and as he finally rounded a thick oak trunk and stepped across its bulging roots, it was with a wolf's hungry grin upon his face.
Boughs stretched on overhead, blocking out the dark sky, and in the murky light it was hard to tell what color she was, but that hardly mattered to him. Night-silvered eyes swept across her lithe frame, lingering for a moment on the tip of her glass horn, before falling back to the groove in her neck. She had asked for blood, but he'd not use his own in the bargaining, oh no. A thrill of excitement ran through his body, shuddered through his soul as Irma's hoarse cry split the silence from somewhere above — for a moment, he could feel what it was like, to sink sharp talons into warm flesh, and watch the life bleed out as the body grew cold...
Tonight, they were both predators, he and the owl, and slowly Mauja drew out from the shadows.
He spoke no greeting, said not a word as he stepped across the debris littering her arena of choice. Nearly a year he had lived in a forest, and his body remembered how to move, when to raise a hoof higher as to not stumble. It was time to begin this, the narrow confines pushing him closer to her faster than he wished, even at a slow, skulking walk. Adrenaline fluttered in his chest, anticipation sent his every nerve tingling, and with a deep, sickening lust to break something, he pushed off into a powerful canter, a white wraith coming to drink her blood.
One step. Two steps. Unless she turned away from him, he came head on, but every moment he was ready to alter his path to chase her down — just looking at her slim shape made him convinced she was faster than he.
Not if I break her legs, the thought, smiling to himself.
Aiming slightly to his own right, Mauja swung his large head, first out to the right, and then in towards the left, feinting the icy tip of his horn towards her left eye to keep her glass weapon away. He had no desire to speared so early on in their scuffle, and once his cheek was past hers — if she did not do take off or otherwise mess up his plans — he bunched up his hind legs underneath him to the sickening crunch of a breaking branch, and pushed off with his front knees like battering rams going for her chest and throat. He had no mercy that night, nothing but cold ire in his blood as he sought to push her over with his heavier body, grinning like a mad wolf. Let's see how pretty she was once she'd rolled in the dust, where she belonged.
[ 1/3 ]
[ 609 ]
So, here we go! Mauja has been feeling evil today, and as this is OOC, I took the liberty to go all-out crazy and bloodthirsty. ;D
As I don't really have much to say yet, I'll just give a few tips and pointers for your next post. ^^
Prose
This section can easily become your biggest enemy, if you don't proofread. Always spell-check your fight posts, to make sure they've got a good flow, and use explanations which are fairly straightforward. Try to work emotion into it - I myself suck at this in my fight sequences xP - because often it becomes a bit "dry" when you're rattling off positions. They're important, but sometimes they're the bane of my existence.
Attacking/Defending
One thing which can really make things awkward, is if you move on too far in your post. In my opening attack, I just try to barrel into you, which is more or less 1 attack even if it had a feint too. If I had then proceeded to write that I ran past and kicked out, it kind of would've limited the plausible ways of reacting. So I suggest that we stick to the pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend. A defense can also be a counter-attack, say, you can rear up and strike towards Mauja as he comes, describe the effects of my attack, and launch a new attack if there's plausible room for it, but the important thing would be to not move on too far. It is always better to end a post with your attack, and not append something like (in my case) "and once past her he ran off a few paces", because who knows, maybe you will make Seele fall over and Mauja will kind of fall on top of her? Then the end of my previous post would've made no sense. :)
In fights, less is often more. Sometimes it's a lot easier to understand simply worded straightforward attacks, than too intricate things. When you attack/defend, try to include things like: which body part am I attacking with/taking injury to? Left or right (this is can usually be left out in defense, as long as you take the attack where your opponent aimed it, and they declared which side they were attacking)? Does it hurt, and will it affect me for the rest of the fight (only applies to defense)?
Even if you completely avoid an attack, you must mention it somehow, like "I ran away, thus avoiding his buck".
Surroundings & Breed
These are kind of tricky. You've set us a fairly cluttered place, which means we have to remember things like sticks breaking, maybe tripping on a particularly large/bothersome one, are the rocks in patches large enough to slip on? etc. As for breed, we'll have to keep in mind things like Mauja is probably stronger, and while friesians (and appys) are fairly agile for their size, Seele is so much smaller she'll probably be faster in close combat. There's also the height difference to consider. Just to try to keep these two things in mind when you write your post, and scan it making sure you're not suddenly playing as if there's no things underfoot, etc! ^^
Dusk: and darkness fell as the light failed. Shadows snapped at his hocks as they drew tighter around him in a mocking embrace of his argent glow, and only when the trees shrouded the sky completely did Mauja stop being a beacon of light. It was the curse of having an alabaster hide, yet he would not trade his color for anything in the world — upon the snows where he lived, it was he who remained unseen, nothing but a smear of white against a backdrop of the same color. A small smile curled his lips in the dark, black-rimmed ears twitching and swirling; he was in this foreign forest, tracking the call of someone who asked for blood. Did they expect him to come, trussed and obedient, like a lamb to the slaughter? Hopefully they had more sense than that, and as he finally rounded a thick oak trunk and stepped across its bulging roots, it was with a wolf's hungry grin upon his face.
Boughs stretched on overhead, blocking out the dark sky, and in the murky light it was hard to tell what color she was, but that hardly mattered to him. Night-silvered eyes swept across her lithe frame, lingering for a moment on the tip of her glass horn, before falling back to the groove in her neck. She had asked for blood, but he'd not use his own in the bargaining, oh no. A thrill of excitement ran through his body, shuddered through his soul as Irma's hoarse cry split the silence from somewhere above — for a moment, he could feel what it was like, to sink sharp talons into warm flesh, and watch the life bleed out as the body grew cold...
Tonight, they were both predators, he and the owl, and slowly Mauja drew out from the shadows.
He spoke no greeting, said not a word as he stepped across the debris littering her arena of choice. Nearly a year he had lived in a forest, and his body remembered how to move, when to raise a hoof higher as to not stumble. It was time to begin this, the narrow confines pushing him closer to her faster than he wished, even at a slow, skulking walk. Adrenaline fluttered in his chest, anticipation sent his every nerve tingling, and with a deep, sickening lust to break something, he pushed off into a powerful canter, a white wraith coming to drink her blood.
One step. Two steps. Unless she turned away from him, he came head on, but every moment he was ready to alter his path to chase her down — just looking at her slim shape made him convinced she was faster than he.
Not if I break her legs, the thought, smiling to himself.
Aiming slightly to his own right, Mauja swung his large head, first out to the right, and then in towards the left, feinting the icy tip of his horn towards her left eye to keep her glass weapon away. He had no desire to speared so early on in their scuffle, and once his cheek was past hers — if she did not do take off or otherwise mess up his plans — he bunched up his hind legs underneath him to the sickening crunch of a breaking branch, and pushed off with his front knees like battering rams going for her chest and throat. He had no mercy that night, nothing but cold ire in his blood as he sought to push her over with his heavier body, grinning like a mad wolf. Let's see how pretty she was once she'd rolled in the dust, where she belonged.
[ 1/3 ]
[ 609 ]
So, here we go! Mauja has been feeling evil today, and as this is OOC, I took the liberty to go all-out crazy and bloodthirsty. ;D
As I don't really have much to say yet, I'll just give a few tips and pointers for your next post. ^^
Prose
This section can easily become your biggest enemy, if you don't proofread. Always spell-check your fight posts, to make sure they've got a good flow, and use explanations which are fairly straightforward. Try to work emotion into it - I myself suck at this in my fight sequences xP - because often it becomes a bit "dry" when you're rattling off positions. They're important, but sometimes they're the bane of my existence.
Attacking/Defending
One thing which can really make things awkward, is if you move on too far in your post. In my opening attack, I just try to barrel into you, which is more or less 1 attack even if it had a feint too. If I had then proceeded to write that I ran past and kicked out, it kind of would've limited the plausible ways of reacting. So I suggest that we stick to the pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend. A defense can also be a counter-attack, say, you can rear up and strike towards Mauja as he comes, describe the effects of my attack, and launch a new attack if there's plausible room for it, but the important thing would be to not move on too far. It is always better to end a post with your attack, and not append something like (in my case) "and once past her he ran off a few paces", because who knows, maybe you will make Seele fall over and Mauja will kind of fall on top of her? Then the end of my previous post would've made no sense. :)
In fights, less is often more. Sometimes it's a lot easier to understand simply worded straightforward attacks, than too intricate things. When you attack/defend, try to include things like: which body part am I attacking with/taking injury to? Left or right (this is can usually be left out in defense, as long as you take the attack where your opponent aimed it, and they declared which side they were attacking)? Does it hurt, and will it affect me for the rest of the fight (only applies to defense)?
Even if you completely avoid an attack, you must mention it somehow, like "I ran away, thus avoiding his buck".
Surroundings & Breed
These are kind of tricky. You've set us a fairly cluttered place, which means we have to remember things like sticks breaking, maybe tripping on a particularly large/bothersome one, are the rocks in patches large enough to slip on? etc. As for breed, we'll have to keep in mind things like Mauja is probably stronger, and while friesians (and appys) are fairly agile for their size, Seele is so much smaller she'll probably be faster in close combat. There's also the height difference to consider. Just to try to keep these two things in mind when you write your post, and scan it making sure you're not suddenly playing as if there's no things underfoot, etc! ^^
