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06-01-2013, 07:03 AM
[ I am not entirely sure how her hooves would be on impact, so.. o_o; treated them much like normal hooves. ]
Just maybe, I am crazy.
What was the point of anything? What was the point of hunting her? She clearly did not want it (who in their right mind wanted to be hurt, anyway?), as she was drawing away from his horn, yet the darkness slithering through his veins demanded he follow — commanded him to, even as the realization that this was pointless washed over him. Nothing spurred him to harm her. She was a stranger; there was no grudge, no desire for vengeance or glory, only the strange need to hurt her. Nothing was his motivator, and yet that very same nothing was consuming his blackened heart.
She drew away, and he knew by the slight forward jerk of his head that his horn was no longer tearing through her flesh. Disappointing. Easily he caught his balance, but that was all he had the time to do before her hooves came flying up. With a snarl Mauja tossed his head up and rocked back; one dainty glass hoof crashed against the point of his left shoulder, the other clipped the front of his chest. The sharp sting of impact faded to something dull, blood vessels broken beneath the skin, but he could barely feel it — his senses felt muted, his nerves only telling him that he was hot, and not the vital things like your shoulder is bleeding or your left knee is aching.
She was so small, so dainty, and just in front of him.. almost within reach... Not caring that her hind legs could come flying out again, or rather, not stopping to consider it, Mauja pushed off the hard ground and threw himself forward. Most sane thoughts had been obliterated by the nothing, the hot flare in his gut, the numbness in his veins; he needed something...
He needed a release.
Like those of a lunging wolf his jaws opened wide, his aim her dock, but it was more of a distraction, just as much for her sake as his own; on a good day he could stand still and kill someone, but on a bad day, he needed to entertain his body, too.
The fire in his blood was consumed in an instant, doused with cold and dark, like a sudden plunge through rotten ice. It offered no clarity, only muddled his senses further, but somewhere at the edges of his mind the world became chillier, beautifuler, more dangerous; he grasped for it, felt the thrum of magic through his blood, the power as the earth groaned and obeyed. Beneath where she stood a faint tremble rippled out through the ground, before it broke open; two spikes rose quickly towards the sky, one towards her abdomen, the other slightly in front, preferably in front of her chest, to trap her and strike towards her throat.
They rose in silent salute towards the moon, simultaneous with his mad lunge, and for a split second, it felt like everything made sense.
[ 3/3 :: 494 words. ]
Just maybe, I am crazy.
What was the point of anything? What was the point of hunting her? She clearly did not want it (who in their right mind wanted to be hurt, anyway?), as she was drawing away from his horn, yet the darkness slithering through his veins demanded he follow — commanded him to, even as the realization that this was pointless washed over him. Nothing spurred him to harm her. She was a stranger; there was no grudge, no desire for vengeance or glory, only the strange need to hurt her. Nothing was his motivator, and yet that very same nothing was consuming his blackened heart.
She drew away, and he knew by the slight forward jerk of his head that his horn was no longer tearing through her flesh. Disappointing. Easily he caught his balance, but that was all he had the time to do before her hooves came flying up. With a snarl Mauja tossed his head up and rocked back; one dainty glass hoof crashed against the point of his left shoulder, the other clipped the front of his chest. The sharp sting of impact faded to something dull, blood vessels broken beneath the skin, but he could barely feel it — his senses felt muted, his nerves only telling him that he was hot, and not the vital things like your shoulder is bleeding or your left knee is aching.
She was so small, so dainty, and just in front of him.. almost within reach... Not caring that her hind legs could come flying out again, or rather, not stopping to consider it, Mauja pushed off the hard ground and threw himself forward. Most sane thoughts had been obliterated by the nothing, the hot flare in his gut, the numbness in his veins; he needed something...
He needed a release.
Like those of a lunging wolf his jaws opened wide, his aim her dock, but it was more of a distraction, just as much for her sake as his own; on a good day he could stand still and kill someone, but on a bad day, he needed to entertain his body, too.
The fire in his blood was consumed in an instant, doused with cold and dark, like a sudden plunge through rotten ice. It offered no clarity, only muddled his senses further, but somewhere at the edges of his mind the world became chillier, beautifuler, more dangerous; he grasped for it, felt the thrum of magic through his blood, the power as the earth groaned and obeyed. Beneath where she stood a faint tremble rippled out through the ground, before it broke open; two spikes rose quickly towards the sky, one towards her abdomen, the other slightly in front, preferably in front of her chest, to trap her and strike towards her throat.
They rose in silent salute towards the moon, simultaneous with his mad lunge, and for a split second, it felt like everything made sense.
[ 3/3 :: 494 words. ]
Apologies in advance. I ramble a lot about fights. xD
I guess it becomes a matter of personal interpretation; for me, the mention of "two steps" seemed to indicate a larger distance between them than the close quaters at first.. however, if the distance is lesser than I perceived it as, it also becomes a matter of, would you have hit Mauja's ass as he ran away then? Would Mauja's longer, albeit a tad slower strides, be able to put the distance between him and the smaller Seele that I played on? etc. Fights are so dynamic. xD But we'll just leave this to the judge to, well, judge. :D
While your previous post was good, this one was a lot better! The shorter paragraphs made it easier to follow, and the narrative was smoother, more linear, and the action was more constant. The thing you always strive for in a fight post is to maintain some kind of emotional presence without sectioning it off into "emotion - action - emotion - action", but rather intertwining them throughout, and this post did this a lot better!
However, at the end of the post you wrote: "Forcefully shaking my head I closed my eyes for two seconds before continuing to yell at my mother in my mind." Something that is very underestimated in fights is the speed of a fight (while "30 seconds" in battle restrictions is understood to mean roughly 1 post, I'd say 30 seconds could be the entire time span of one fight xD). A horse's kick takes less than a second. Close your eyes and count to two, and you realize that it is quite a while; essentially you're a sitting duck right in front of Mauja, immobilizing yourself. Some other, "faster" ways to indicate time would be: for a moment, a heartbeat, etc. It's a much more liquid concept, and it carries the same "brief pause" meaning without immobilizing you. You see when these two get going, it's all very fast-paced, and two seconds seems very long, at least to me. :3
As for the action itself - again, trying to move away is a good response (it is a good response to most things!), but if you consider their positions: Mauja is almost stationary, with Seele coming with speed. In order to harm one another with their horns, they'd have to be lined up nearly head-to-shoulder with one another. You have Seele spinning on your forehand, which, given the close quarters, would probably have her hips smashing into his chest and preventing her from moving further at that point - it would've made more sense to spin on the hindquarters. Ultimately, it would've put more space between them, and freed her up for the kick, whereas I think spinning on the forehand would put them much too close for the scenario you described. :3
And harum harum, of course I had to subject you to some magic. :D Might as well deal with most aspects of a fight while we're at it, haha. And, in regards to the way I wrote it - since my magic is sort of not reliant upon Mauja's position in relation to Seele's, I can say that I start it beneath her. However, that is just the starting point; the spikes are stationary, and once they've started in one place they're not about to follow her around. c: Magic, as long as it is a kind of "third party source" (Smoke can make a smoke veil, Mauja can make ice spikes) or something you place in another's body (Azzaron can set your insides on fire, Mauja can put ice in your blood, Paladin can boil your blood) can be written as starting to happen at the victim's current position, wherever it is (aka assuming, something you otherwise get smacked on the fingers for xD) - as opposed to eg. Deimos death magic, which requires his victim to be within reach of his aura, or Archibald's stomp, which is centered around him.
^ not sure if this made any sense...
Basically, I can write "I make ice spikes beneath you c:" because I aim based on your current position (Mauja's position in relation to Seele doesn't matter) - I don't have to write "I made ice spikes beneath you where you were last time", as you have to do with physical attacks (where relative position does matter).
lmao. random giant ramble of wording justification. XD
But, in short: this post felt a lot more well-written, it was clearer and easier to follow. You're not pulling anything outlandish or confusing me at any point, and it seems to me that you have a good grasp of, well, moving your horse! Just try to keep in mind where all body parts go if you do something, especially when considering turning on the forehand or hind end. :3
I guess it becomes a matter of personal interpretation; for me, the mention of "two steps" seemed to indicate a larger distance between them than the close quaters at first.. however, if the distance is lesser than I perceived it as, it also becomes a matter of, would you have hit Mauja's ass as he ran away then? Would Mauja's longer, albeit a tad slower strides, be able to put the distance between him and the smaller Seele that I played on? etc. Fights are so dynamic. xD But we'll just leave this to the judge to, well, judge. :D
While your previous post was good, this one was a lot better! The shorter paragraphs made it easier to follow, and the narrative was smoother, more linear, and the action was more constant. The thing you always strive for in a fight post is to maintain some kind of emotional presence without sectioning it off into "emotion - action - emotion - action", but rather intertwining them throughout, and this post did this a lot better!
However, at the end of the post you wrote: "Forcefully shaking my head I closed my eyes for two seconds before continuing to yell at my mother in my mind." Something that is very underestimated in fights is the speed of a fight (while "30 seconds" in battle restrictions is understood to mean roughly 1 post, I'd say 30 seconds could be the entire time span of one fight xD). A horse's kick takes less than a second. Close your eyes and count to two, and you realize that it is quite a while; essentially you're a sitting duck right in front of Mauja, immobilizing yourself. Some other, "faster" ways to indicate time would be: for a moment, a heartbeat, etc. It's a much more liquid concept, and it carries the same "brief pause" meaning without immobilizing you. You see when these two get going, it's all very fast-paced, and two seconds seems very long, at least to me. :3
As for the action itself - again, trying to move away is a good response (it is a good response to most things!), but if you consider their positions: Mauja is almost stationary, with Seele coming with speed. In order to harm one another with their horns, they'd have to be lined up nearly head-to-shoulder with one another. You have Seele spinning on your forehand, which, given the close quarters, would probably have her hips smashing into his chest and preventing her from moving further at that point - it would've made more sense to spin on the hindquarters. Ultimately, it would've put more space between them, and freed her up for the kick, whereas I think spinning on the forehand would put them much too close for the scenario you described. :3
And harum harum, of course I had to subject you to some magic. :D Might as well deal with most aspects of a fight while we're at it, haha. And, in regards to the way I wrote it - since my magic is sort of not reliant upon Mauja's position in relation to Seele's, I can say that I start it beneath her. However, that is just the starting point; the spikes are stationary, and once they've started in one place they're not about to follow her around. c: Magic, as long as it is a kind of "third party source" (Smoke can make a smoke veil, Mauja can make ice spikes) or something you place in another's body (Azzaron can set your insides on fire, Mauja can put ice in your blood, Paladin can boil your blood) can be written as starting to happen at the victim's current position, wherever it is (aka assuming, something you otherwise get smacked on the fingers for xD) - as opposed to eg. Deimos death magic, which requires his victim to be within reach of his aura, or Archibald's stomp, which is centered around him.
^ not sure if this made any sense...
Basically, I can write "I make ice spikes beneath you c:" because I aim based on your current position (Mauja's position in relation to Seele doesn't matter) - I don't have to write "I made ice spikes beneath you where you were last time", as you have to do with physical attacks (where relative position does matter).
lmao. random giant ramble of wording justification. XD
But, in short: this post felt a lot more well-written, it was clearer and easier to follow. You're not pulling anything outlandish or confusing me at any point, and it seems to me that you have a good grasp of, well, moving your horse! Just try to keep in mind where all body parts go if you do something, especially when considering turning on the forehand or hind end. :3
