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06-15-2013, 06:06 PM
 Mauja | Seele - - - - - By my verdict Mauja is the winner. Mauja -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Defense: Directing horn at Seele to desuade her from using her own. + 1| Attack: Launching himself at Seele's chest/throat. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Flow + 1| Emotion Seele -- post 1 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Staggering out of the way. - 1| Injury: "... his right knee slamming into my left shoulder." If Seele is stumbling to the right to avoid Mauja who is to her left(and coming head on), wouldn't it be his left knee that hit her? Also, you don't mention the severity of the attack, and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. - 1| Attack: Lunging forward and aiming horn at Mauja's shoulder. By now, Mauja would have passed Seele since you don't mention her turning around, just stumbling to the ride. To me, she would just be striking at nothing. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read - 1| Flow ; More paragraphs! There should be a new one every time something new happens, for example, between the time Unheil is speaking and when Mauja begins to attack. There was nothing wrong with your text, just that it's a little difficult to read through a wall of text. + 1| Emotion Mauja -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Impact of his knee to Seele's chest. - 1| Injury: To me, the time between Seele initiating her attack and Mauja actually getting hit is much too long. Seele bounces back, takes a moment to recover, and goes right back in to the attack, but Mauja is running, slowing, pausing, turning, and running forward. I'm just not sure how he would have gotten hit. + 1| Attack: Stabbing horn for Seele's ribcage. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Flow + 1| Emotion Seele -- post 2 [Realism] - 1| Injury: Taking Mauja's horn to the ribs, near her spine. This is a sensitive place on a horse. You failed to mention the extent of the injury; what does it feel like? Will it prevent her from doing something or cause pain with certain movements? + 1| Attack: Kicking out at Mauja's chest. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Flow ; Much better! + 1| Emotion Mauja -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Seele's hooves to his shoulder and chest. + 1| Attack: Biting for Seele's dock. + 1| Attack: Using ice spikes to strike for Seele's abdoment and chest/throat. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Flow + 1| Emotion Seele -- post 3 [Realism] 0| Defense: "... as I attempted to spin out of the way." A plausible response, but which way are you trying to go? Are you just pivoting one way or are you literally trying to spin out of the way? Both of these things will make all the difference. + 1| Defense: Jumping sideways to avoid an ice spike. + 1| Injury: Ice spike grazing her shoulder. + 1| Injury: Ice spike grazing her chest. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read - 1| Flow ; This was going well, until Seele just sorta... slammed on the breaks and stopped. She had the chance to attack again, and not to mention, at this point in time Mauja is probably still right on her tail. It just didn't make sense to me that she would suddenly stop after the catasrophe of almost being dissected. + 1| Emotion Mauja -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] Seele made no final attack, so I have nothing to note here. Mauja [Bonus] + 1| Health + 2| Breed: You constantly used Mauja's larger stature to his advantage, and were well aware of how it would hinder him against a smaller, quicker opponent. + 2| Surroundings: You always remembered the difficult footing of this setup, and described it well. [Injuries] Nothing of note. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: As an experienced fighter, you did well describing your positioning and just what Mauja wanted out of his attacks. As always, I enjoyed reading your posts, and am looking forward to those in the future. Keep it up! Seele [Bonus] + 1| Breed: Seele realized that Mauja was much sturdier than her. + 2| Surroundings: You did well to describe the footing of the setting, and how it hindered her in her attacks and defenses. [Injuries] Nothing of note. [Creativity] + 1| Style: The voices in Seele's head are very interesting to read, and add a special dynamic to her in the midst of battle. Comments: Overall, you did well for your first spar! You did well mixing action with emotion; the voices in Seele's head do well to add to this. In the future, I would like to see you adding more "rights" and "lefts" in your posts, so the judge and your opponent can better respond to your posts. I think in a few more spars, you'll have this down. Good job and keep it up! TOTAL Mauja - 70 Seele - 61  |
