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02-21-2013, 06:10 PM
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Anger. Excitement. Regret. Pleasure. Sadness. Amusement. I cycle through these emotions, one at a time. They come in waves, the negative hitting me like a kick to the gut, so powerful that at times I must turn from those prying eyes of my daughter, hide my face until I can replace the pleasant mask that I live behind. In stark contrast, the positive emotions wash over me like a cleansing rain, running through my veins, cooling the flames left by my pain and suffering. But it never lasts, it always shifts, changes, morphs into something unknown. I find no solace, not even in sleep, for she haunts my dreams, my lost Diniel, her icy blue eyes seeming to call for my help, her tiny, ivory bodice forever out of my reach. I run after her, I call for her, but every time she fades into the distance, lost to me forever. In my waking hours, I throw my energy into caring for my Skysong. She has quickly become an obsession, the tiny amber-pink creature. She is my life, my world, everything that I do begins and ends with her. She is the one thing that can get through the nothingness that I have come to feel, her inquiring eyes and lighthearted laughter a drug for my lingering ailment. I have never been one to hold onto negativity, but the pain of losing a child is simply unshakeable, and I find myself drowning in darkness. But Skyson has become my light, particularly with the scarcity of her father. I cannot blame Note - I know that he is busy, that he has others demanding his time. But I cannot help but miss him, long for him in this difficult time. Today I have taken my daughter to the beach. It is a normal enough day - hot, as Tallsun requires, without even a breath of a breeze. My decision to visit the water was one made to deter the advance of the heat. And Skysong has yet to see such a vast expanse. It will be amusing, I know, to watch her galavant through the shallows, ever under my too-watchful eye. I know the dangers of the world and she does not; it is my duty to protect her. The sea stretches before us, clear and blue and flat. It meets the golden sand with a gentle lapping sound, not the crashing of waves that usually accompanied the ocean. Odd as it is, the sea does not seem to have a breeze gusting today. I am disappointed, having hoped that such a wind would cool us off. It seems that we will have to enter the water to experience that relief. |
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"Talk talk talk." |
| Sohalia Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried... |
