S u m a t i | M u r d o c k
- - - - -
By my verdict MURDOCK is the winner.
Murdock receives 2 VP and has unlocked the battle buff ENDURE.

SUMATI -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Trying to smack into Murdock's wing joint. I felt this was awkward because Sumati appears to be falling with her legs slackened for her chest to hit his wing joint. From here, I got confused on what you were talking about. This: "a flick of my position" does not describe anything about the actual motion Sumati is trying to make. What is a flick in your position?
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "So with a flick of my position upon impact.." -- Only Murdock can decide for certain if there is an impact. Later you do say "collision occurred, hit or not", which does not even make logical sense. What is Sumati colliding with if she doesn't hit Murdock? The first statement is still powerplay, as you are stating an impact that does not have to occur.

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy Read: I was very confused on the motion following her straightforward attack.
+ 1| Emotion

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MURDOCK -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Running forward to redirect Sumati's attack on his wingjoint to his hip.
- 1| Injury: I do not think in this situation Sumati would knock Murdock cleanly to the ground. Sumati is only .1hh taller than Murdock, and around the same build. They are pretty much equal in force, and Murdock is also in motion, but not off balanced from his center of gravity. I feel like having his rear end drop and stumble would have been sufficient.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "He climbed above her on her right side, twisting about in the air to face her." -- You may only attempt this maneuver, but Sumati could still rise higher than Murdock.
+ 1| Attack: Letting his hindend swing forward to hit her. This was a beautiful use of inertia anf flight dynamics.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow
0| Emotion: This read as dry. I did not feel a panic, confusion, determination, or anything... really. Use biased words or emotionally charged words throughout. Give us insight into what Murdock is feeling.

---

SUMATI -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Recoil: Being affected by slamming into Murdock.
0| Defense: Flapping your wings to push Sumati away. In this short time frame, I think that if you pushed down with both of your wings, the right one would get hit by Murdock's hooves either on the way down or the way back up.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at the left side of Murdock's neck.
0| Attack: Throwing your body into Murdock's shoulder. This is vague. What part of Sumati is supposed to be hitting Murdock?
- 2| Powerplay: "...it gave me just enough room to throw my mass into his shoulder while my teeth..." -- You should never state this as if it is definitely going to happen. This is also to be worded very carefully and very cautiously. Instead of "into" you should say "at" or "attempt to throw my mass into his shoulder".


[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

---

MURDOCK -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Recoil: Pain from his kick which reflects his previous injury. Awesome.
+ 1| Defense: Tucking his head to avoid the bite.
+ 1| Injury: Taking the hit to his shoulder, and being sent backward. This is realistic to an extent because there is nothing to stop Murdock from moving with her force here - like a ball being punted through the air unaffected.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "Her dark body passed over him as he turned toward the south..." -- You cannot state your opponent's position. You can only speak of Murdock's.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "Rising up to her level..." Same critique on this as earlier. You can only try. Who is to say she doesn't land?
+ 1| Attack: Trying to bite her right wing.
0| Attack: Aiming to hit her ribcage with his knees. For a flying pegasus, this would also be a difficult target, wings and all. Since you did not specify which angle he is approaching from, I can't say for sure, though.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion: I was shaky on this, but there was basic emotional presence, at least.

---

SUMATI -- post 3

[Realism]
0| Defense: Jarring left to avoid his bite. "In attempt to dodge the skillful move, I raise my wing and jar to the left..." -- Which wing? This is vague, again. I have a hard time seeing what Sumati is doing, especially connected to the next counter-attack.
0| Attack: Kicking at Murdock's barrel. "...feeling room to kick out a powerful, slender leg hopefully punching the tender, black barrel." -- Which side is she attacking? Which leg? I am assuming front, but I do not actually know. This is overly vague again and gives me no idea what Sumati's position relative to Murdock is to even judge this as realistic or not. You had plenty of words, so expand.
+ 1| Injury: Taking the bite mostly toward the barrel instead of the wing joint.

[Prose]
0| Emotion: Very mechanical.
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy read: Movement was vague, which made this difficult to understand.

---

MURDOCK -- post 3

[Realism]
0| Injury: Taking the kick to the barrel. I would have liked more details on exactly where, since the barrel is a large area.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "He climbed through the thick air until he was above her.." -- Same critique as before, different post.
+ 1| Attack: Biting to latch on to the top of her neck to attempt to drag her down.
+ 1| Attack: Throwhing his chest toward her left shoulder. I mentioned about Sumati's chest ram. What are Murdock's front legs doing during this time? I find it very strange imagining them slack in front of him, but you two both seemed to do this. Maybe I am alone with that visual being odd.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Flow
0| Emotion: This was also mechanical. I would have lied to see more of Murdock in this emotionally versus just physically.

---

SUMATI -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: Bite to the crest. You do not really detail the extent of the injury, but I felt everything else was good, so this was minor.
- 1| Dropped attack: No mention of Murdock's ram to her shoulder.
- 1| Attack: Kicking out toward Murdock. This is a closing defense, so you cannot write an offense. I realize this was a bit difficult, but squirming and flailing with your wings is a good enough attempt to free Sumati.
+ 1| Defense: Trying to spin free from Murdock's grasp.

---

SUMATI

[Bonus]
+ 2| Surroundings: You were consistently aware of your surroundings, describing the rain and the lightning, as well as its effect upon Sumati.
0| Breed Comparison: You mention several times the comparison between Sumati and Murdock, though I feel you misuse this. When, in your first attack, you mention Murdock being smaller I imagined him to be maybe 15.?hh or something, but he is only .1hh shorter than Sumati. That's not even worth mentioning.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
Nothing of note.

Comments: You are an excellent writer! I loved reading your posts just for the sheer beauty of the way they are written. However, you struggle with including important details about positioning and attacks that could really clarify what you are doing. The majority of your posts were focused on surroundings and emotion versus action, which is fine, except if you are going to be concise about your attacks and defenses, you need to be extremely clear in your movements. Add directions, describe until you are afraid you are being overly explicit. Also, do not over emphasize small differences like .1hh! How much of a difference is that between horses you know in real life? Good job!

---

MURDOCK

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed Comparison: You kept the weight and height similarities of your opponent in mind.
+ 2| Surroundings: Always mentioning air patterns and how they affected Murdock's flight.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Trying to drag Sumati toward the ground was very interesting.

Comments: You fought well! The only consistent problem you had were some minor phrasing problems with borderline powerplay. It is very important in fights that you do not assume anything about your opponent unless they explicitly state it in previous posts. Do not say that you rise above them or rise at their level, for Murdock can only attempt to do this. Sumati is free to change her altitude whenever she feels like it. I would really love to see you work on bringing out some emotion from Murdock. I have no idea how he felt about this fight, but I certainly have a feeling about how Sumati viewed it. This disparity sticks out to readers and especially judges. Try to bring some feeling, not just mechanics, into the fight. Great job!

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TOTAL
Sumati - 59
Murdock - 63