.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
03-11-2013, 05:18 PM
Revised after feedback:
Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr
 G a u c h o | A z u c a r - - - - - By my verdict Gaucho is the winner. Gaucho has been awarded one VP. Gaucho -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Body-check into Azucar's left side. + 1| Attack: Bucking at Azucar's left thigh. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read Azucar -- post 1 [Realism] - 1| Defense: Azucar does nothing to block Gaucho's body-check, and is hit. There is no mention of how this affects her, simply that she widens her stance and catches herself. Also, considering their great height difference, it is doubtful that an unmatured yearling would be able to withstand the brunt of such an attack. - 1| Attack: Stabbing horn at Gaucho and trying to bite his neck. By now, Gaucho would have passed Azucar, so I am unsure how this would have been plausible. 0| Injury: You mention that Gaucho's kick has landed, but it does not seem to affect her at all when she takes off after him. Youl describe pain, but you do not state how bad the injury is. - 1| Attack: Biting for Gaucho's leg/rump. There is no mention of Azucar moving at all, nor what side she is attacking. It is also not wise to bite at a back leg that could very easily kick you in the face. - 1| Attack: Aiming hoof at Gaucho's left side. There is little detail on how exactly this is done, and considering their height difference, does not seem possible. + 1| Attack: Jabbing horn at Gaucho's side or wing. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow 0| Easy Read: I had a difficult time interpreting some of your attacks, otherwise I would have given the point. Gaucho -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Cut to left flank. + 1| Injury: Bite to thigh. + 1| Injury: Stab to wing. + 1| Attack: Mara jumping to Azucar and attempting to bite her neck. + 1| Attack: Kicking out for Azucar. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read Azucar -- post 2 [Realism] - 2| Powerplay: "My teeth grabbed hold of flesh, but I couldn't bite any farther down." Gaucho clearly dodged this attack, so you are giving your opponent an injury they did not receive. - 1| Attack: Attempting to jab horn at Gaucho's side after biting his thigh. This is before Azucar takes off after him, so I do not see how this could work. You also seem to have tried to go back in time with this attack, having not mentioned it in your previous post, and it is unfair to do so. + 1| Defense: Rearing up when Mara lands on Azucar. 0| Injury: You say that Gaucho's kick scrapes Azucar's back, yet then you proclaim that he has missed. Which is it? - 1| Dropped Attack: You didn't mention whether or not Mara's bite was successful. - 1| Attack: Trying to stab at Gaucho when he is already long gone. Azucar has been standing for quite a while dealing with Mara, and takes the time to try and trample her. Again, I do not see how this is possible until she catches up with him. + 1| Attack: Stabbing for Gaucho's neck or ribs. + 1| Attack: Biting for shoulder + 1| Attack: Trying to knock hoof into the back of Gaucho's front leg. + 1| Attack: Attempting to hit Gaucho with front hooves while rearing. 0| Attack: Trying to trample Mara. You are assuming that Mara has come off of her horn to begin with. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read Gaucho -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Mara winding tighter to avoid injury. + 1| Defnese: Mara slithering away from the stomping. + 1| Experience: Recalling a past spar with Valentine. + 1| Defense: Having bear appear in front of Azucar as she gets closer. 0| Defense: Spinning around to face the other way. I would have given you the point, but thought this would be difficult to do given the terrain. - 1| Injury: Horn nicking shoulder. You do not mention pain or a lack of, and I can more or less see this attack hitting his flank of hindquarters more than his shoulder, considering he kick out at her jaw a moment later. + 1| Attack: Bucking at Azucar as she attempts to bite him. - 1| Dropped Attack: There is no mention as to whether or not Azucar's rearing attack lands or misses him. + 1| Attack: Aiming antlers at Azucar's shoulder. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "Continuing to pivot to the right, now somewhere behind the filly on her right." Assuming Azucar's position, which she could have changed by now. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read Azucar -- post 3 [Realism] - 1| Injury: Azucar passes through the spirit bear without consequence. In the records, is says that if one touches the spirit animal at all, it causes a chill and numbing for 15 seconds. - 2| Powerplay: "I feel the stallions' legs as he rears up, swinging them about for a moment." You mention Gaucho rearing up, but... he never did. You are assuming he is trying to attack when he is not, so I have to count this as powerplay. - 1| Injury: Kick to the chest. As a much larger and more physically mature opponent, I think Gaucho's kick would have done more than wind someone for a few moments. + 1| Attack: Biting for Gaucho's leg. - 1| Defense: Again, Azucar seems to have gone from a gallop to suddenly rearing up. No matter the terrain, this cannot be done without slowing first. 0| Injury: Rearing up and taking the antlers to her stomach. The action of rearing would put Azucar in a very unbalanced position, which is not the best of ideas when a much larger opponent is charging at you. + 1| Attack: Striking out at Gaucho's back while rearing. 0| Attack: No mention of where her bites are aimed at, or exactly how many times. + 1| Attack: Jabbing horn for Gaucho's cheek. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow - 1| Easy Read; I had a hard time getting through this post due to the lack of mentioning when Azucar would stop, and then continue running. I found myself having to read back over it several times. Gaucho -- post 4 (defense only) [Realism] + 1| Defense: Taking the rearing to the neck instead of the back. + 1| Defense: Taking to the sky to to avoid Azucar's attacks. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read Gaucho [Bonus] + 2| Breed: You constantly mentioned Gaucho's height and weight difference, and did it well. You also mentioned how Azucar's smaller size would make her more agile. + 1| Health - 1| Penalty: Posting within one week of a previous spar. You accounted for the injuries, so this is a minimal penalty. [Injuries] Nothing to note. [Creativity] Nothing to note. Comments: You seem to have a good grasp on the mechanics of fighting, and have a good connection with Gaucho and his fighting style. The only thing I would like to suggest is working on mentioning the terrain more often and how they affect your moves, but other than that, I think you did well in this fight. Keep it up! Azucar [Bonus] + 2| Surroundings: Mentioning running on the ice was difficult, and mention it while trying to fight Mara. [Injuries] Nothing to note. [Creativity] Nothing to note. Comments: I think that with Azucar, you really need to focus on how physically immature she is. At a year old, her bones are still developing, and she would not be able to withstand being rammed into by a full grown, 17.2hh stallion. You did well writing out her personality and emotion, especially with her love for blood. In the future, I would try and be more clear on exactly where you are aiming your attacks, instead of saying "neck or shoulder." You had some great ideas for attacks, but you also need to remember to mention your character stopping and moving, even if it is very minute movement. Just keep working at it, and I think you could become a great fighter! TOTAL Gaucho - 76 Azucar - 53  |
