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03-22-2013, 02:04 PM
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I would like to think that I am healing, but in reality I'm not really sure. My ivory wings glint in the light of the Tallsun afternoon. Bi-colored orbs scan the golden sands far below, searching. But for what? My mate is gods know where, my daughter is playing with the other foals. I am alone, truly alone, for the first time in what feels like months. Why did I give this up? Had I not loved the wandering life? So why had I settled down? Why did I allow myself to remain in one place for so long? Had I not learned that love would only bring pain? Pain. So much pain. Diniel's still face appears in my mind; I close my eyes against the tears, tilt my wings, give a few strong strokes, climbing higher, higher, towards the sun. Perhaps if I get close enough, I will simply burn up, disappear. But no. I had dedicated myself, my life, to my mate, to my living child. Note and his strong presence flits quickly through my thoughts, and the light, pinkish face of Skysong squeals with pleasure. I cannot help but smile at this, even as another stab of pain erupts in my breast. So much confusion, so many thoughts. How am I supposed to move on from this? No one seems to understand. Note has buried his hurt, perhaps worked it away. Gods know he isn't around Skysong and I that much. I shake my head at the resentment that rises there, knowing that I am being ridiculous, knowing that I am not being fair. And yet the anger lingers. Skysong, at least, is innocent, too young to truly understand the circumstances of her birth. How I wish it were that simple for me. I suddenly long for my friend Rowan, but I'm not even sure where she has gotten to in these recent weeks. And Cassiopeia, my supposed 'mentor' - well, I'd only ever seen her the once, and I haven't been able to find her, so she cannot give me direction either. And so I soar, aimlessly moving, wandering within the confines of my home, never knowing what I am truly meant to be doing. I am restless. I am alone. I want more. But what is more? I take a deep breath, and then I fold my wings tightly against my body. I drop like a stone, the wind whistling through my banner, past my pinned auds. The ground is coming up swiftly, approaching with an alarming clarity, and for a moment I wonder - what if - what if - I snap my wings out, and they catch me. 'What if' nothing. Not today. |
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"Talk talk talk." |
| Sohalia Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried... |
