you fell down, so get back up kid. [JUDGE]

the Rift

you fell down, so get back up kid. [JUDGE]

Official Posts: 847

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Stallion :: Equine :: ::

Official

#10

08-12-2012, 04:11 PM

O n n i | T a r e s
- - - - -
By my verdict ONNI is the winner.

ONNI -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Keeping the darkness of the forest in mind.
+ 1| Attack: Bucking at Tares.
+ 1| Attack: Bite to shoulder.
-I love that you keep in mind the darkness and aim for a larger area rather than a smaller one.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| The use of emotion in this post is amazing.
+ 1| Good flow.

TARES -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Keeping in mind Tares' weak hocks.
+ 1| Rearing to try and lessen the impact of Onni's hooves.
+ 1| Sustaining an injury from the kick to Tares' chest.
+ 1| Attack: Arbutus using his talons against Onni and trying to burn her wings.
- 1| Defense: Rearing to match Onni's height. Onni's attack was a bite, not a rear. Also this is the second time already that Tares has reared. Since Tares already has weak hocks I would try to avoid too much rearing at the beginning of the fight so her legs don't hinder her too much later on.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Excellent emotion.
+ 1| Good Flow.

ONNI -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Taking Tares' kicks to the shoulder rather than the neck.
+ 1| Use of magic to try and alter Arbutus' course.
+ 1| Taking Arbutus' attack to the rump/ describing the pain.
0 | Attack: Ram and biting at Tares' legs. Honestly I wanted to take off for this because she makes her head an easy target, but I feel like in Onni's emotional state this is understandable, so I decided not to take anything off or award anything.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Excellent emotion. I can almost feel Onni's fear and desperation.
+ 1| Flowed nicely throughout the entire post.

TARES -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Using Onni's wind to turn more quickly to avoid her attack.
+ 1| Defense: Kicking to avoid Onni's bite.
- 1| Defense: Taking Onni's bite to the base of Tares' neck. This defense was unnecessary and unrealistic to me since Onni was biting for Tares' cannon.
- 1| Attack: I don't really understand what's going on here. Tares was rearing then knocked down onto all fours before trying to attack Onni's face and head with herr knee and hoof and at the same time swiped her horn at her. Onni is moving very quickly so you would not have time to do all of this.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I love that Tares doesn't want to hurt Onni because they're herdmates.
- 1| Flow: This post seemed a little jumbled to me. It didn't flow well from defense to attack.
- 1| This post was a difficult read for me. I had to read it a few times to understand what was going on and you also stretched the time far too much to get in extra attacks that Tares would have had no time for.

ONNI -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Taking Tares' kick to the chest and explaining why it didn't hurt as much as it could have.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking at Tares' chest.
+ 1 Attack: Air ram!

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: Again, I can feel what Onni is feeling and I can almost hear Voltaic chiding her for her mess ups.
- 1| Flow: It was just a little bit weird because of the fight's timing being thrown off.
- 1| With the timing being thrown off with the previous post and the flow being strange, this post was a little difficult to read at times and I had to go back and reread.

TARES -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Counter attack: Taking to the air and using your knees to try and ram Onni.
+ 1| Companion: Arbutus using his tears to calm Tares and allow her to focus again.
- 2| Defense: Rearing again. If Tares has weak hocks that are already aching her I don't think she would be rearing as much as it is. Also, it gets a little repetitive. I don't understand what you mean by Onni striking Tares' fore-hock (horses don't have fore-hocks). Later in your post you say that Tares has an injured hock which I also wouldn't recommend since Tares already has weak hocks.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I felt like I was there with Tares, watching everything through her eyes.
+ 1| Flow: This post flowed wonderfully throughout.
+ 1| Ease of read: This post was a lot easier to read than the one before it.

ONNI -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Banking to avoid crashing into Tares.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I can almost feel Onni's dread as she realizes who she has been fighting.
+ 1| This post was super easy to read and very cleanly wrapped up the fight.
+ 1| Mention of injuries and how Onni's activity and exhaustion makes them ache

ONNI

[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings: I loved that you kept in mind how dark the forest was and how much of a role it played in Onni's attacks and defenses

[Injuries]
Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Using the tree trunk as a springboard to mount what could have been a deadly attack on Tares was genius.

Comments: Overall your posts were very easy to read and flowed very well from one attack to another as well as defenses. The emotion Onni was feeling throughout the fight made me feel like I was seeing the fight through her eyes. I enjoyed it immensely

TARES

[Bonus]
+ 1| Emotion: It felt like everything Tares did was driven purely by her emotions from her fear of injuring Onni to her determination to keep herself alive. Her concern for Arbutus was also very endearing.

[Injuries]
- 1| Injured hock

[Creativity]
+ 1| I definitely liked that you used Onni's wind to help pivot Tares. It's not something I would have thought about doing right away so it was intriguing.

Comments: As with Onni, I felt like I was viewing the fight through Tares' eyes. Your posts were filled with emotion that gave me a feel of who Tares truly is. The only thing I think you need to work on is your timing in the fight. Keep in mind that fights are fast paced so sometimes you may only get in one or two attacks instead of three or four in one post. Also, for your next fight I would not recommend Tares do as much rearing as she did in this fight. I think that with her weak hocks it would wear her down and cause her legs to be injured badly.

TOTAL
Onni - 70
Tares - 60