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She watches him closely. In fact, as closely as he watches her, do her doe colored eyes look for signs of help. The pale fem does not know what he thinks, remaining outside of his mind until he speaks, and she finds that he offers her solace...and does not turn her away. Not that she was surprised, per say,(for Torasin had always been kind-souled) but that she finally got to speak everything she'd lived through to somehorse who was willing to listen. Thank you Torasin, for offering to listen, but the tale will be long. I hope you don't mind. and she blinks a bit, not to pull back tears, but to pull herself back to her past. I could leave out my past, I suppose, but I don't think that it would make much sense if I just addressed solely what has recently happened. I have lived a long life. I'm, what?, 13 or 14 now? Something like that. When I was born, I was born into a life a purebred Royalty, I was a Princess of sorts, but I was controlled down to the slightest twitch of a tail. One day, I realized that this was, by no means, what I wanted for my life, much less any foals I might have. So I left and found Isilme, where I met Indy(my mate, I'm sure you've met him at least once in the past) and we were together for the rest of my life, until now, but more on that later. I had twins, Soleil and Crane. But, as they grew, Soleil grew away from me as I tried so desperately to pull her back, to make her mine once more. Crane simply became crazy, evil, and he turned on Indy and I when we left the tumultuous land for a time, telling everyhorse we were dead. During that time I also adopted the child of the Equine God there, Aarde, you might know of him. But Aarde died in the blackout. So I had three foals, one who chose not to love me, the other who betrayed me, and the last I lost. I felt their movements, heard their little thoughts while they grew inside me, and became so close to them, only to have them sever that bond. Aarde, the foal I was present for at his birth, the colt whom I traversed the entirety of Isilme in a quest to save his life after his mother abandoned him, died. Do you know what that feels like? To have all your children abandon you in terrible ways? I hope you don't. I have one last, though, Enheduanna, who tries to love me and, to some degree she succeeds, but shes been hurt by this past too, and I don't think she knows how to truly love because of it. I couldn't protect her.
When I came here, it was like a new start, away from all the pain of the past. With Indy at my side the gods gave me a herdland, they gave me purpose and strength. I was re-united with the daughter I had lost to my youngness, I met her gallant mate, I watched Enna grow, I watched my herd grow, and I felt their love. I worked for the greatest good, I worked to please those I loved. To protect them, to help them, to die for them if need be. But I should have known from my past that, just as easily as the gods give, they take away. Paladin( Soleil's mate) challenged me for my position. Rather than ask me for it, rather than treat me as his family, he treated me with hatred. And Lazulli burned him horribly, a terrible injury, and we inflicted pain when that was the one thing I had vowed to never do. But we lost, and I left, because my life was broken. All my hope, all my happiness, had been taken away once more. tears threatened at the edges of her eyes, but she pulled in a big gasp, and moved on, And that is my life. Its a story of great hope, loss, happiness, and utter failure and pain. The only constant thing I've ever had in my life, aside from Lazulli, was Indy. But he's gone now too, I assume he's left me, the only stallion I've ever been with. And now, I have no family, no one who loves me, no true home, and nothing to truly do. I feel so useless, I feel so lost and unbalanced. I know other horses have had the same difficulties in life, and I don't intend to complain, but something has gripped me, after all this sadness in my life, and it feels as if I've fallen into sticky mud so deep that I cannot get out. I just wish I had somehorse who loved me. I wish that everything I've worked for, all I've done for those I love, hadn't amounted to nothing in their minds....
I wish, I wish I really meant something to someone.
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