.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
04-16-2013, 10:52 AM
 |
|
It is morning, and for the first time in many weeks, it is cool. A slight breeze drifts over the golden sands of the Throat, wafting gently through the oasis, caressing my skin into wakefulness. I shiver, not because of the chilled air, but because of the memories its stroke invites. And with it comes guilt. Of course, I knew that I would feel it, and even so I leaped into Gaucho's embrace, allowed things to go much further than they should have - or maybe I let them go because it was right. Or at least not wrong. I sigh, perplexed at the mixture of emotions within me. What am I supposed to feel about this? Am I in the wrong? I must be - and yet, it felt so right... I shake my head and take a deep breath. The smell of heat does not linger today, although the sun's presence in the eastern sky suggests that it will indeed turn into a warmer day. I wonder if it will be bearable, but it doesn't really matter, I suppose. I can always take flight, take a break from the stagnant heat on the surface. Again the memories ride through my mind, and I smile in spite of the pang in my chest. I am in so much trouble. I need to get this under control. I need to figure out what this means. Skysong is frolicking with some of the other foals today, and I welcome the respite. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I cannot help but hate her for being the only one to live. Irrational? Maybe. But I know that my love conquers that unacknowledged feeling. And I know that I would protect her against all else. I grimace. Would Note still stand beside me? Shaking my head again - I'm going to shake my poor brain loose if I keep this up - I meander over the to the oasis. The small lake that we are provided as a source of water is calm, smooth in the morning light. Everything here reminds me of what I've done, and for the first time in a while, I find myself wishing that I had never come here. But now it is home. The drifts of sand surrounding our perfect little haven are home. The heat of the sun is home - I don't even sweat as much anymore. Rowan, my best friend and my child's godmother, is home. Note, my mate, is home. Or he should be. Right? Levi, an old friend, is home. Even Gaucho, now, smells of home. And lust. But that's another story, and I'm trying hard not to think of it right now, because to think about it would mean that I have to confront my feelings, and I don't even know where to begin with those. Instead, I lower my nose to the water and take a long drink. |
|
"Talk talk talk." |
| Sohalia Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried... |
