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[JUDGED] Teach me your best moves. [Training Spar, Deimos]

Deimos the Reaper Posts: 527
Deceased atk: 7.0 | def: 12 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 72.5 | Buff: NUMB
Heather
#4
05-18-2013, 01:25 PM


Deimos’s recent battle with their Thief, Faelene, had forced him into more restraint, more control and more composure. This was not a real battlefield, and he wasn’t allotted his primordial, arcane abhorrence, his slithering, sinuous loathing, his feverish ferocity or his barbaric brutality. Upon the dais of conflict and combat, he wouldn’t be striking against a herd mate, wouldn’t be aiming to assault or siege a loyal member of his brethren. He wouldn’t be designating his contempt, his malice or menace across a comrade’s spine, along their carcass, into their hollowed, hallowed tomb. Yet, here, in these passing moments, he was imposed to conform these callous, heartless sentiments into nuances of mere practice, rehearsal for a larger stage. He wasn’t one to recite miniscule motions, small, minute nips and bites; he lived for the damage, the obliteration and the annihilation of cretins, fools and inferior beings. He’d been gifted with the talent to deny the life of another, and he’d been granted and bestowed the oeuvre, the opus, of devastation and ruin. To shape these calculating torrents, these hostile, hazardous flames, into lenient, mild and humane motions was an offering he didn’t grant often. Faelene had rendered him the opportunity to carve and test tolerance, and this mare enacted the same deliverance – how he deciphered and used the occasion would be a spelling of his loyalty, allegiance and self-possession.

The monster wasn’t aware of this mare’s talents as a warrior, and the likelihood of her lacking in this region was probably the reason he’d been summoned. She was smaller than he, but appeared sturdy, athletic and limber, adept at turning quickly, capable of giving into swifter designs than he. It would be interesting to see how she enacted these advantages; he learned from each and every opponent he faced, and though he recalled the inexperience of Faelene, he also remembered the unsettling rounds with Ricochet, the bloody, savage battle with Lace, the bids of invasion and war. She’d learn from him, press upon his body like a marionette, but what would she bring out within him? What would he bring out within her? What could he spur in her: to drive onslaughts of terror into their enemies, to maim their foe, slaughter their adversaries? What could she compel in his ruthless convictions, in his merciless decrees, in his calculating, precise upheavals?

She started, and his mind churned to the surrounding world, the Basin, the ice, the rime, the chill, summoned to the depths of desecration and destruction. Her charge was quick, rapid, lowering her head full of points, daggers masquerading as antlers, cervine. They aimed for the left side of his muscled chest, so he swerved to the right, attempting to withdraw from the heat of cumbersome damage. Instead of his chest, some of the antlers struck against his left shoulder, streaking across, leaving bright, brilliant rivulets against dark skin. Pewter hair flew into the wind, tiny dabbles of blood caressed along the muscle, and the binding nuance of pain molded into the core of his cranium. A nuisance, to be assailed so early. Then, his opportunity laid in wait. From his right divergence, he swiveled back towards the left, hoping to catch her as she drifted by him in her hasty, swift motions. He yearned to use his own mass, his own weight, his own muscled bulk to flourish into her left hand side, force, ram, a driving wake to her smaller form. Trying to ignore the newfound ache in his shoulder, he brandished his movements towards her, to crash, to collide, to wreck. Would she fall, flail, break into pieces, scatter to the winds? Would she posture a way to stay upright? Towering over her, he also tried to bring his ivories along her mobile form, hoping to scatter teeth along her spine in small nips.

[1/3 posts. 638 words. 0/1 magic used.
Deimos swerves to the left to avoid too much damage from Arah’s antlers. The antlers end up scratching along his left shoulder, taking off hair and leaving a little blood. Despite this new pain, Deimos uses this opportunity to come back towards Arah, hoping to force his bulk into her left side. Due to his height, he also tries to nip her spine as she goes by.]





[OOC Commentary: Thank you Frostie for allowing me the opportunity to practice with you and share my (limited) knowledge of fighting with you. It takes motivation and the will to learn to want to continue getting better. ☺

Your post was very straightforward. I knew Arah’s positioning (thank you, thank you, thank you – I can’t say enough how much directions need to be emphasized and used), and where she was heading. You didn’t powerplay. You didn’t god mode or tell me how my character was feeling. I appreciate that wholeheartedly. You also attempted to judge the height/weight differences between the two characters, which are essential for how you intend to play out strengths/weaknesses regarding those elements.

However, the post overall was a bit lackluster. I found myself still wondering over Arah’s motivations and emotions. You touched upon them briefly in the opening post, but unfortunately, that won’t be counted as far as the fight. Don’t be afraid to reemphasize why she’s here and what she would like to accomplish. It helps the other roleplayer out a great deal more when we have an idea of what you want to do with your character.

Think of some of these to prompt/inspire: Why does she want to get better? What spurns her towards fighting? Why does she want to improve? How does she feel about the spar or the character she’s skirmishing with? Is she afraid, hesitant, nervous? Does she feel bold, audacious, ready to take on the world and conquer her foes? Has she had any past fights that lead her to this one? How has she changed since then?

You have plenty of words to work with. Fill out your writing, don’t leave it dry and bare-boned. We’re graded for not only our battle mechanics, but also the emotions in our characters. I struggle with the same thing, since Deimos is perhaps one of the most emotionless beings on Helovia, but I still try to manage a way to have him come across as real. In battles, a character strives for something: survival, dominance, supremacy, etc. Mull it over and figure out what Arah truly wants to accomplish.

I thought the attack was fine, simple and concise. She doesn’t want him believing she’s a coward, so she attacks him head-on. The only part that confused me was this: She wanted a direct hit, and her aim was true although she did not doubt that Deimous would block it or at least be able to protect himself from most of the damage... She wanted a direct hit, but figured Deimos would block it? Why would you aim for a spot that you know would be easy to guard or defend? I think it’s just a case of awkward phrasing, but you should definitely proofread over your posts. There are some misspellings (yikes – Deimos isn’t Deimous ;D) and some strange phrasing. Don’t be in a rush. Relax, read over your posts. If it sounds funky or clunky to you, then change it.

I look forward to seeing how Arah defends herself and her new attacks. :D If you have any questions/concerns, please don’t hesitate to ask over PM. Thank you!]
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RE: Teach me your best moves. [Training Spar, Deimos] - by Deimos - 05-18-2013, 01:25 PM

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