|
"There is nothing wrong with just healing!" Hana narrowed her eyes at her sisters dry, defeated laugh that left her throat. She could tell that Lakota was feeling rather mixed up, her emotions unstable. Hana felt the same way and she wanted nothing more than to stop fighting with her sister and make up with her. Become understanding friends again, bond with her sister. So yes, Hana couldn't fight, she couldn't spar. But she was one damn good healer. Even with limited abilities Hana had saved people from death before. Picking them up with her magic, fighting away the infection that was killing them before her very eyes. Tears toppled from her eyes as her sister hissed at her. "Do not stress sister, I will prove myself to you." Hana knew that there was no menace in the hiss. If there was, it would be paining her sister to be so cruel to her. Hana did not listen to the anger in her sister voice, just the pain because it was so obvious? Hana wanted to reach out and touch her sister, comfort her, but her own hurt pride held her back from doing the right think. The sweet, kind and innocent child was crawling back, mellowing out Hana's anger and once again she was starting to see her sister for real. She was breaking her sister to pieces and it pained her to do so. They were both silent and Hana had no more anger to add. The red had completly vanished from her vision and the guilt driven tears dried up. Just wanting a break, the young mare dropped her eyes and withheld herself from touching her sister. Trying to calm her as she had often done when the darkness seeped out of her sister. Using her light and friendly childish innocence Hana would always be there for her sister, for the side that was dangerous. And that was probably more than The Grey had done. "Then I will learn all I can Kota. I want to please you again, be a sister you can be proud of." She understood the jab her sister made about family not harming each other. And her ruby eyes flared up again, only Hana found her self far to tired to argue back. She wanted Hana to understand her? Well that went both ways. Why didn't her sister understand her need to please her? Hana's need to be the sister that Kota introduced to The Grey with pride and looked upon her with adoring eyes.
Lakota cuddled into her little bear and Hana desperately wanted for her to be at the receiving end of the hug. She gently pawed the ground, trying to ride herself of any pain or panic that she felt. What if they never patched up this fight? What if Hana was always going to be The Deserter in her sisters eyes? Hana Loved her sister and she knew that somewhere beneath all the anger Kota was showing, there was only love and affection. However what if that ceased to exist and Kota just left her hanging dry, ready for the wolves to pick at her bones. She thought she had stopped crying but another tear ran down her cheek. "Kota, I'm sorry." She might as well had not spoken. Barely any sound left her mouth, her vocals had become far too constricted with emotion. Feeling like she was choking Hana bitterly just looked upon her sister who was trying not to weep. They had both tried to stay strong for too damn hard and the cracks were starting to show on both of them. Both either sobbing or trying not to sob and Hana feeling nothing but pain and utter disgust for herself. Looking away from the cuddle was hard. Hana wanted to stare at her sister so when Kota finally rose her sisters eyes would be all that she would see. But no, she needed to give her sister time to collect herself. She instead the young mare looked over her new home and waiting patiently for her sister to be ready to look at her again.
She hated seeing her sister so weak. Knowing that she had caused this made Hana despise herself. GOD! What the hell was wrong with her? Why didn't she just love and treat her sister the way she was supposed to? A tut of frustration from her chops which was intended for herself. "Why am I so foolish? A question meant only for herself. Watching the mare that had raised her, to know that the pain she was feeling was Hana's fault tore her up inside. If this fight didn't end soon, Hana would be completely destroyed from the pain that she was feeling. Already she felt sick a churning of her stomach and a pain in her head. Her eyes were dry, stinging from crying but none of her physical discomfort mattered though. Only Kota's did. What was Hana doing to her? Why was Hana causing the mare she loved pain when she should only be causing her happiness. Guilt was a horrible feeling, making the dainty mare want to reach into her stomach and full the emotion out of her. It was literally tearing her apart.
With every word she had spoke to her sister, Hana had broken off a tender bit of Lakota's heart. This was nothing like her, Hana was a sweet, kind and caring soul. She did not hurt others with vicious words intending to cause pain to another. This behaviour was horrid, she was hurting her sister. A sigh tumbled from Hana again, she had nothing to say to Lakota and nothing to say to defend herself. It was rather depressing. The humiliation was still clear on her face at her previous comment. Their reunion. This wasn't what Hana had wanted, the first one was like a daze. She hated the fact that she had left, and those nights alone fending for herself changed her. Neither Kota or their brother had been there to fend Hana from the wild. She was finally understanding just what Kota had done for her. Every time she'd taken the fall for Hana, allowing her to live normally. "By thunder I'm so incredibly stupid." So how did Hana thank her sister, who had done everything for her? Came to her home and ripped her already broken heart to shreds. "Yup, I'm going to hell" Hana whispered to herself before turning to look back upon her hurting sister.
But it wasn't too late, now was a time to speak up, to fight for what she believed in! When it came to Hana, there was nothing...NOTHING more in this world that she believed in more than her sister. Why had it taken her so long to realise this? Honestly Hana must be either dim witted or bluntly oblivious to the obvious truth. Tossing her mare over her shoulder for something to do, Hana awaited her sister's judgement on her. Would she scream at her? Cry? Or maybe she would do the worst thing of all, just walk away without saying anything. Hana had thought that the wait for Ktulu had taken forever. This wait beat that one considerably. Wanting her sister to reach out and comfort her was all the dainty mare wanted. She didn't want forgiveness without proving herself firstly, Hana just wanted comfort from the mare that she loved and adored. Why could Kota see that? Why didn't her sister want to comfort and be with Hana? A frown creased the young mare forehead and she nervously paws the ground with anxiety. Her body is tense, she can practically feel the waves of horrid filled pain rolling off of her body.
'Damn it Kota, I asked you a question. Answer it before I lose my mind. I don't think I can take this awful wait any longer.'
Silence still and all Hana could do was stare at her sister in horror. What had Hana done? Would Kota never forgive her? Then her sister's tones finally filled the air and the breath of relaxation flowed clearly from Hana. Only it wasn't her sister's tones exactly. Reading her sister like a book, her voice was, as Kota would describe it weak, broken, beaten down and dejected. This only caused Hana more pain, everything was her fault, she was practically bathing in this guilty feeling. She did not doubt that her and guilt would be friends for life after this encounter. I know Kota I know." This time no lie left Hana. Tears brimmed in her eyes again. "You've always done things like that for me. Never once had you ever had a single regard for yourself. Your one goal was and still is to protect me."Kota took a few moments to breathe deep and control herself. Waiting in silence, Hana also took the moment to relax and calm herself. She could feel the hysteria building though. Any moment it was about to burst through her carefully built wall and Hana was become a hot sobbing mess. It was not going to be a pretty sight.
Hana listened to her sister speak of their past and found that it only gave her pain. To think about how well she had been protected and here she was throwing it back into her sisters face. "You've always been the strong one Kota. I admire you and without you I would not be the person I am today. I only ever want to make you proud sister. My worst fear is disappointing you and that's all I've done today. Apart from breaking your heart." Kota's face was twisted into a snarl, To show her anger towards their sire. However Hana's was the opposite. Her face was twisted to show to her sister her most deep and internal pain. The guilt at having caused this argument. All she wanted was to be close to Kota like she was with Alleo. But Hana never shared that kind of closeness with her older siblings. Yes, they all loved each other but Alleo and Kota had a bond that Hana was unbelievably jealous of. So how was Hana trying to get that bond with her sister? She was backstabbing her. Go figure."No Lakota listen to me. What you did saved my life. Alleo did keep me safe and I was able to grow and change, but it's all because you killed him. I wish you would have been there to see me grow up more, but if you hadn't done what you did then I might not have grown at all. There might not have been a me. I never want to hear that you are carrying guilt ever again. I'll forever carry guilt about this fight but it is because I acted wrong. I made the wrong choices, but what you did was amazing and I will never ever be able to thank you for raising me, protecting me and saving me from that prison."
It was painful to admit that she was in the wrong but Hana did not let Koda see her shameful feelings. For now all that mattered was mending the mistakes that she had just caused, making sure that Kota would one day be able to look upon her with love and affection again. "It nearly crippled me as well. Finally seeing you after being lost for so long and finally being gifted with a safe home. Then when I thought I saw Alleo, I called out to you but chased after the stag. I honestly just got lost Lakota. I cried every night that I was out there alone, not able to find you. It broke my heart in half to come back here and see you side with her...them. However now I honestly do think I understand. However I want you to know that I never want to lose you again..." Hana did not hide her feelings from her sister, she also did not bother to wear a mask. Her face was twisted, too many emotions were pounding through her for her to actually decide on what she was felling. "I hate myself for doing this to us...to you. I never meant for it to end up this way and I want you to know, that until I stop drawing breath I will try and make this up to you. Make you proud of me again." A few tears escaped and they dribbled down her cheek, her ruby eyes stinging because they felt so dry. Her promise stung her lips, not because it was a lie. But because she never felt so deeply about something before. She never wanted to prove herself more to her sister than what she did right now. Nerves settled in her tummy as she thought about the more experienced fighters she would be facing for her sister. To prove her loyalty to Ktulu.
"I understand why you felt...fell betrayed. However you must at least try to see where I'm coming from! I didn't mean to get lost, I didn't mean to betray you or The Grey. All I wanted to do was save my brother, but I returned! If there is another war that The Grey has to fight in I will be right here by your side. I will protect you from now on, don't worry about me. You've been strong for far to long, looking after me. Well no more, it's your turn to be looked after." Her voice was calm and quiet, although a little shaky from the tears that had, once again, finally stopped flowing. She did not bother hiding her pain or shame, the only thing that mattered was how Kota was feeling. Would the pain be too much for her sister to handle? Was the darkness that Hana knew so well creeping back into her sisters heart? Threatening to take over the mare she loved. "I can't apologise enough for betraying you so badly if I had my time back again I would take it all back and would never have run off without telling you first. I blame myself, I only ever will blame myself and as I said before I never want you to feel guilty or to blame yourself. I am a grown mare now Kota, I have to make mistakes and learn. Even you can't save me from myself. If Alleo was watching me and I thought I saw you in the forest the same thing would have happened. I would have chased your shadow until I actually held you again knowing that he was safe with the new family the he had found..." Stopping short Hana's eyes widened as she realised that she just revealed why she thought it would be okay to leave Kota. Because she had a new family and Hana had been happy for her, jealous even. She only wanted Alleo to join them, that was why she left, chasing his shadow. Figuring that Kota would be okay, no matter what happened in the end. She pressed on hoping to cover her mistake. "I never want you to betray this family you have here. I can see how much they love you and you love them. You're Happy Kota. I have caused a riff in your happiness, but believe me. I want you to put this herd first over me, they have never betrayed you the way I have."
Her foolish and childish side had shown when she made the snide little comment about Kota sparring her. What Hana wouldn't give to take it back now. Hurting her sister unintentionally was one thing, but doing it on purpose was another. Hana had let her new found anger get to her, allowed her pain and hurt pride to make the comment to her sister. Ruby eyes looking away and downcast, Hana felt as if she was about to collapse at any second. She was too tired to continue fighting, too tired to argue wit Kota anymore. The only thing she wanted was for them to make up and forgive each other and work on their relationship. Hana wanted nothing more than to bond with her beloved sister who had mothered her all her life. Was forgiveness really to much to ask for? Was it really too hard to give to Hana? Maybe from The Grey, but from her sister? Hana didn't believe that it should be difficult. "Hurting you would not make me feel better either. Besides, we do both know how that would end, you know me better than you know yourself at times. It scares me sometimes, to know that you always know what I'm thinking. But then I realise that I know what's going on in your head Kota. I know you better than I know myself. Please forgive my actions, I just want to be sisters again." Hana watched her sister, being able to read her emotions out of her eyes. The way her body moved, and what her face told her. She was not trying to conceal the pain the Hana was causing her. Not believing it was possible, Hana felt yet another wave of hatred for herself roll through her entire body. Hana knew that Kota would be able to ready her rage and humiliation. That was where the sisters where bonded. "I am also not a child any more Lakota. Yet sometimes it's almost like you believe I'm still the little filly that you raised and loved. I am still the same person but I've grown and changed as well. Nothing will ever change my love for you, but I need you to accept the fact that I'm going to make mistakes. I don't mean for them to hurt you, but my mistakes are going to teach me many life lessons. You can't stop that Kota, neither can I." She already had learnt many things from this mistake and was never going to be able to forget the lesson that was now at hand. You can't just abandon people You need to stick to your promises and don't expect them to accept you back with open eyes.
Kota's little guy ran towards his master and check her over. At least he had kept her sister safe. She watched as the two drew close and Kota allowed him to sit on her. A sure of jealously ran through her but not even she mistook the glare the little cub was giving her. "He looks like he's about to eat me alive." Hana muttered, tones filled with nerves. "Can you accept my apology though Kota? Can we be sisters again?" |
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
![[Image: 30k7diw.png]](http://i42.tinypic.com/30k7diw.png)
⇒
[O] Blood From A Bitten Tongue. [Lakota, Ktulu and Open]
