.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
08-08-2013, 04:23 PM
- - - - - By my verdict ANDROMEDA is the winner. Andromeda receives 1 VP. ANDROMEDA -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Wing slap to the left side of Murdock's neck. - 1| Attack: "...lash out to aim at the soft flesh of his shoulder..." -- You fail to specify in your post what attack you are actually making. Another wing slap? A bite? I figured it was a kick and was reassurred by your summary below, but I can only award what counts toward the 800 words. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read MURDOCK -- post 1 [Realism] - 1| Defense: Pivoting toward the right to avoid the wing slap. I think this is a fine defense, but consider how large of a wingspan a full grown pegasus has. I doubt Murdock, in his surprised state, would be able to turn a full 90 degrees to avoid being at least brushed by her feathers. - 1| Injury: Kick to the shoulder. You have moved and pivoted to the right far enough to avoid a whole wing, but you do not change where the attack lands. + 1| Attack: Bite toward the left wing joint. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "As he passed her flank...." -- You may only attempt movements on your opponent. Andromeda could do anything within the span of time Murdock tries to do this, and he could never pass her flank. + 1| Attack: Kick to the left cannon. - 1| Exceeded 800 word maximum. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read ANDROMEDA -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Curving her body and lifting her left wing to minimize damage. - 1| Defense: Crow-hopping away from the kick. Kicks are relatively fast, and even if Andromeda saw it coming, I do not believe she would have time to get out of the way entirely. + 1| Dual-attack: Tail wagging in the face or a wing knock depending on the circumstances. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read MURDOCK -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Trying to flap to a stop to evade her tail slap, but taking it anyway. + 1| Attack: Wing push to Andromeda's left wing. 0| Attack: Diving downward. Do not forget that you are far enough to her left side to push her wing down, so falling straight down would likely have Murdock clear her without touching. [Prose] 0 | Emotion: This post was written with a few hints of emotion, but way more detail on surrounding than feelings, and got extremely mechanical during fighting portions. Not horrible, just not emotional. + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read ANDROMEDA -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Twirling out of control from the wing hit, as well as taking a blow to the wing joint. - 1| Dropped Attack: You fail to mention whether or not Murdock's dive is successful in hitting Andromeda. I realize you are attempting a counterattack at the same time, but dictating that he hits you with his front end could actually help your case in this point. 0 | Attack: Tilting down to the right to try and slam her side into his hip. No mention of directions, aside from the wing tilt. I figure you are trying to hit her left side to his right hip, since he was originally to the left. + 1| Attack: Bite to the tail. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read MURDOCK -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Pulling torso upward to try and slow his descent, but getting twirled away from the impact. + 1| Injury: A few hairs being painfully plucked out of his tail. - 1| Attack: Bite to the throat. A large pegasus does not simply "whirl" around in the air. With a horse as large as Murdock and an equally large wingspan, he would have to have a pretty wide radius to turn around, and by then Andromeda would be far out of his reach. A kick or sudden slam on the breaks would have been a much easier and effective attack. - 1| 800 word limit exceeded. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: Much better. :) + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read ANDROMEDA -- post 4 (defense only) [Realism] + 1| Recoil: Jarring from the impact of Murdock. + 1| Defense: Tossing her head down to redirect Murdock's bite to her forehead. ANDROMEDA [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison: Despite how similar Murdock and Andromeda were, you were constantly aware of the benefits of these slight differences, as well as how even of a match it was. + 2| Surroundings: In every post, you were aware of surroundings. You mentioned the hard dirt for footing, the general weather, and the effect of winds. Also, you spent a lot of time describing the possibility of clouds being used deceptively. [Injuries] None. [Creativity] + 1| "The sky is a dangerous place, an unpredictable wildcat who leaps and growls and changes from placid to aggressive in a moment." -- I thought this was a beautiful description of a windy sky, and it stuck with me. Comments: You are excellent at getting all of your prose and bonus points! Do not lose this skill, as they can really determine the difference between a good fighter and an exceptional one. I would say that you need to work on being more descriptive in attacks, as usually it was a couple of details (or forgetting to mention specifically what you are doing) that were missing. These are small details that add up and cost you points. Overall, you did a fantastic job! MURDOCK [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison: You, as well, worked in breed comparisons despite there being very few to actually make. The biggest thing was realizing how the body type of Murdock actually effects the battle. + 1| Surroundings: You passingly mention surroundings, but do not really use them actively throughout the battle, except in the one occasion where Murdock is battered about by the wind. [Injuries] None. [Creativity] + 1| I found it interesting that you used a lot of information about Murdock's internal, physical state (heart rate, breathing, etc.) throughout the battle. Comments: Mechanics wise, you did well during this fight. You had a few hiccups here and there, but ultimately, you know how to fight. What you need to work on is being inclusive of your surroundings in a way that affects battle. Describing the yellow, frosty grass is not what we watch for. Changing flight patterns based on the wind is using your surroundings, which is what we want. Also, do not exceed the word limit! You will get docked every time. Great job! TOTAL Andromeda - 68 Murdock - 62 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
