fight to save a smile

the Rift

[PRIVATE] fight to save a smile

Aylin Posts: 89

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Mare :: Unicorn :: 16.0 :: 3

ali

05-22-2013, 10:05 PM

...aylin...

crying isn't secret, it's the art of how we grieve

I had not left the forest after speaking with Apollo and coming very near having an emotional breakdown. It seems that lately all I seem to be doing is wallowing in self pity and blaming myself for things that were out of my control while I was away. The key words being while I was away. If I had not left then I would have been in control, wouldn't I? I would really like to think that I would have had some semblance of control over my sister's upbringing, but who am I kidding. The only thing I've ever had control over is my feet and where they carry me. Everything else that has happened to me has happened because I had no say in it. Even when it came to playing with other foals. I had no control over what we played, where we went.

The forest was lonely. After a while the trees felt like they were closing in on me and it made my heart beat just a little faster. I couldn't help but wonder how my mother had lived in an imposing place such as this and come out normal. She had some inner strength that I didn't, obviously. I was weak. Bumbling. Stupid. How could I even think I could try to be like my mother? I was nothing like her. I don't mean to insult my father but I had his blood flowing in my veins, diluting whatever it was I had gained from my mother.

Tears burned my eyes and I snorted harshly as if that would chase them away. Wrong. When I squeezed my eyes shut fat tears rolled down my cheeks and dripped into the leaf riddled forest floor. I never felt so lonely as I did just then. My brother was gone. My sisters were gone. My parents were gone. My only friend had really been Tallis and he belonged to my mother. I'd isolated and alienated myself from the rest of the Edge herd. "I never should have come back." I said to the tall trees. Their branches groaned in the wind and I took that as their agreement.

I should just leave. Leave and never look back.

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