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05-25-2013, 09:30 AM
I'll judge. :3
The issue here was in general it was a little too obvious. A lot of clues is great, but if you have too many or make the ones your have too clear, then you'll have an issue. As Tamme said when Judging Roo's stealth, try to avoid pairing clues that will narrow down a list significantly. I'm splitting it up into clue sets, at the end I'll put it together.
Here, for example, your first two lines already lower the possibilities. 50% of the options are gone when you reveal that it's male, and then probably a good 75% of those are gone when you say painted. Appaloosas are rare, and in general using paint or spotted in any way makes it a dead giveaway.
Something like:
huddled tight against the snow
it's you and your blankie against the world
That would have been a bit more vague and even had a few misleads while still getting across the message. Snow is white, and Apollo is a blanket appaloosa. Plus, using blankie would have made the reader think someone young or maybe with attachment issues.
With a face like that why do you crush on one you’ll probably never be with?
-This was a pretty good clue, but not entirely true, because you don't know how their relationship might develop. Plus the 'face like that' part doesn't help you any- even though I think he's smexy, some other judge might disagree. As a clue, it's entirely too objective.
You use your weapon like a tool
-The issue here is that by now, /everyone/ uses weapons to describe unicorn horns. Factor in the specificity of Apollo's connection to his magic and this makes it pretty clear cut. Try being creative about species references. Tamme said needle in the other thread- that would have worked especially well here considering Apollo is a medic, if not a bit too blunt.
Such a sad past
Did you find your place to settle?
This one was pretty good. Again, though, it's better to be figurative than flat out say it was a sad past. Something like:
Coming from a trail of tears
Did you find your place to settle?
Would, while still being pretty direct, also throw in a mislead. Most of the americans on the site anyway will probably associate that with american indians, and then go looking for characters that fit that as opposed to Apollo, who is a greco-roman figure.
So yeah! I don't know how good of a job I did, but in general try to be more figurative. Try to still treat it like a poem, it should have to be somewhat interpretive- the hard part is balancing that with indisputable clarity that a judge will pass. Remember, too, the different tactics you can take advantage of in stealths, such as using google keywords, or even longer paragraphs in metaphor instead of short poems.
The issue here was in general it was a little too obvious. A lot of clues is great, but if you have too many or make the ones your have too clear, then you'll have an issue. As Tamme said when Judging Roo's stealth, try to avoid pairing clues that will narrow down a list significantly. I'm splitting it up into clue sets, at the end I'll put it together.
Here, for example, your first two lines already lower the possibilities. 50% of the options are gone when you reveal that it's male, and then probably a good 75% of those are gone when you say painted. Appaloosas are rare, and in general using paint or spotted in any way makes it a dead giveaway.
Something like:
huddled tight against the snow
it's you and your blankie against the world
That would have been a bit more vague and even had a few misleads while still getting across the message. Snow is white, and Apollo is a blanket appaloosa. Plus, using blankie would have made the reader think someone young or maybe with attachment issues.
With a face like that why do you crush on one you’ll probably never be with?
-This was a pretty good clue, but not entirely true, because you don't know how their relationship might develop. Plus the 'face like that' part doesn't help you any- even though I think he's smexy, some other judge might disagree. As a clue, it's entirely too objective.
You use your weapon like a tool
-The issue here is that by now, /everyone/ uses weapons to describe unicorn horns. Factor in the specificity of Apollo's connection to his magic and this makes it pretty clear cut. Try being creative about species references. Tamme said needle in the other thread- that would have worked especially well here considering Apollo is a medic, if not a bit too blunt.
Such a sad past
Did you find your place to settle?
This one was pretty good. Again, though, it's better to be figurative than flat out say it was a sad past. Something like:
Coming from a trail of tears
Did you find your place to settle?
Would, while still being pretty direct, also throw in a mislead. Most of the americans on the site anyway will probably associate that with american indians, and then go looking for characters that fit that as opposed to Apollo, who is a greco-roman figure.
So yeah! I don't know how good of a job I did, but in general try to be more figurative. Try to still treat it like a poem, it should have to be somewhat interpretive- the hard part is balancing that with indisputable clarity that a judge will pass. Remember, too, the different tactics you can take advantage of in stealths, such as using google keywords, or even longer paragraphs in metaphor instead of short poems.
