The swaying was a constant motion in the midst of conversation, exchanging sounds that turned to voices over the plain as it turned to winter. The snow fell, lazily almost as it drove whiteness into his eyes, reminding him that he was still alive. His blood from freezing, but he didn't care; not after a sudden realization. Why did he truly have to live for? Angora was a wonderful mare, proud and strong, beautiful and determined...yet, would, or could, she ever save his dying soul? In the mists of his mind he was there, the Gentleheart, taunting him as if it had been this way all his life. He was a simple creature with simple needs, and perhaps some were just a tad overactive. But all he wanted was a family. His mother was a nice mare, that he could remember, then he saw her death, flashing within his mind’s green eye. Her head was ripped open, torn apart by the blade of a unicorn, one that did nothing but want to kill after she refused to bow down to him. My strong, loyal mother, torn to pieces as I watched them devour her using their canine companions. It was an uncomfortable death I knew, for I could still see her eyes moving, her brain exposed and splattered on the ground, but I knew she was alive. She couldn’t scream, couldn’t speak. She could barely breathe, and she looked at me. No words could be uttered, no “I love you” s with her dying breath. No. Nothing but pain, unbearable pain as she was torn apart in her last moments of life, feeling her flesh deteriorate by the fangs of a wild animal.

I snapped back, almost falling as the pain was too intense. I had never remembered what had happened to my mother fully until now, for I was almost too young to remember, but I knew that she had died for me. I was able to escape while they digested her, but I cried the whole way while I ran for my life. I was barely able to make it before my father and some warriors caught me, killing the leader that had taken my mother and her body. He was able to recover it, and we shared in the pain and sadness of her death. Yet, even when he had Amora, he never would look down upon my mother. He loved me too, and though him and Laufey stopped getting along after a while, while him and Amora having problems because of how I was conceived, Amora loved me too. She never took her anger of Odin out on me, and treated me like Thor. Though I knew that I was different, because I was not born out of love. How was a child to feel when they found out their father had raped their mother? The emotions flooded through his veins, making him dizzy. How had he not remembered that in the first place?

He was a monster born of a monster.

He cried. He couldn’t help it. He fell to his knees, a labor now as his body was frozen, as if the winter was taking a hold of him. The snow blew past him, falling around his massive ebony body. It mixed with the array of tears on his maw, making the hot liquid run cold despite his body temperature. He was a broken stallion, the realization of his early life lying too heavy on his heart, giving him an outlook. He was born from sin, born for a reason that his mother hadn’t even wanted. And he wondered now, if the life he had lived, was the love even real? The faces of his loved ones blurred, and looked like monsters. He was all alone in the woods, a helpless orphan, one that was truly childish and unloved. What was he supposed to do now? Thor had been right to disown him, for he was undeserving of the things he had. He couldn’t even produce a child, and give his mate what she wanted. He was a failure at everything, and perhaps it was the time. Maybe, he should die. Death in the cold wasteland would be a good option. For a moment the eyes of the stag were taken from the mare that was in front of him, while her own flaws were ignored, as his own was taken into account.

He laid with his wings limp by his side, simply wallowing in his own misery that he had created. A world of darkness that was not truly there, but just there because he felt he needed an excuse to kick his own ass. What better person to do it then yourself? He sobbed quietly, tears still freezing on his blackened face. Had he ever been capable of his life before of anything besides bringing misery and pain along with him? He looked at her now, with her soft features, her swaying left and right, her missing ear…how was it that she had brought this to him? It seemed as if she was a trigger, or maybe it had been a long time coming, and it was just a coincidence that he had remembered at this moment in time. She told him he wasn’t childish…what a lie. He was, or at least in that moment he was. She was roaming, like he was, so maybe she was safe. At least, she would be safer without him being around. He always made a mess of things, and he left eventually, so there was no use keeping him around.

“Please, don’t. I’m not who you think I am. Or who I think you think I am. I am childish, just as my brother, or rather just a King, once said to me. I am nothing, nothing but a pile of discarded horse. I haven’t been loved since I was conceived, or even wanted, so why would anyone even love me? My mate has love magic, so perhaps I think I just love her. Only the Gods know why she would want someone like me, one who doesn’t have anything, and can’t even do anything right. I can’t even produce a child for her…she was able to give birth because she mated with an old friend of mine while I was away. You are mistaken, I know that. Whatever you think of me, erase that know, for I know it’s wrong. You will be better off without ever knowing me, and I’m sorry to have wasted your time. I will just lay here and die, if you don’t mind, for there is nothing else in this world that will give me reason to live. What’s the honest point? I don’t see one, not a light at the end, only darkness…I want something to live for, someone to truly love me…why did my life have to be like this? I never asked to be a spawn, a prince that no one cared about…oh god, why?!”

He continued to loathe in his own self pity, talking non sense and just repeating words while trying to get a main message out: leave me, I’m useless, stupid, and I don’t require love. He thought about suicide again, and he thought of everything, but in his current state of mind, it did nothing for him. He was pained, pained too much to think straight. Of course he wanted to live, have children with Angora, love her, and eventually try to work things out with his brother. But now was not the time for any of that, and he had to deal with Res first. Maybe she would take pity in him, or she would just leave, like he instructed. He hoped for the first option, for just someone, even if far away, to listen to him. It was rare for him to break down in front of a stranger, but it had all happened so fast, that he couldn’t help it. What else was he supposed to do in a situation that made his heart almost stop? It wasn’t simple enough to shrug off and walk away. You couldn’t walk away from your past. So in the end, he would just have to deal with it. But for now, he wanted to cry about it and act like a foal. No one was watching that he cared about, so what the hell!

OCC: WHOOOOOOOOO 14066666666

@[Resplendence]