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06-30-2013, 09:18 PM
 V o o d o o | M a u j a - - - - - By my verdict MAUJA is the winner. Mauja is awarded 1 VP. VOODOO -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "A few long strides brought me in front of the Lord of my home land. What am I doing? Hooves clutched to the frozen ground with ease, bringing me around his left side." -- You cannot determine the positioning of your opponent in relation to you. Instead, you should word things like this: "A few long strides should bring me in front of the Lord, if he had not moved..... with ease, attempting to bring me around his left side." + 1| Attack: Rearing at the left withers of Mauja. This was clarified later in the post, so I gave you the point, but I wanted you to notice this. "Cold black hooves reached into the air..." -- You do not state front legs or back legs, so this could be a rear or a kick. Be careful! [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow MAUJA -- post 1 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Leaning left into the rear. - 1| Attack: Biting/stabbing/nosebutt? at Voodoo's left side. You failed to specify, really, what this attack was intended to be. I originally thought it was a bite, but Voodoo replied to it as a stab. I realized it could have been either, as there was no mention of teeth or a horn.... so. xP + 1| Attack: Leaning further left to knock over Voodoo. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow VOODOO -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Slash to the left hip. - 2| Powerplay: "...front legs pushing off of Mauja's back in an attempt to slide off of him." -- Despite the fact that Voodoo's hooves touched Mauja's right side, you cannot say that you push off of him, only that you are attempting to. + 1| Defense: Moving backwards with the shove to avoid toppling over. - 2| Powerplay: "..my front knees sliding down [his] rib cage as I jumped off." -- You may never apply damage to your opponent they have not taken in a former post, or mention touching them when they do not allow for it. 0 | Sidenote: "...saliva stinging from the roof of my mouth to a sharp canine." -- I wanted to point this out because not all horses have canines, but males do have them more typically than females. Also, their canines typically come along further in adulthood and are definitely not what I would describe as sharp. + 1| Attack: Biting at Mauja's throat. 0 | Attack: Headbutt to the neck. This attack is all good and fine except for the fact that Voodoo is a unicorn, yes? Unless his horn mysteriously evaporates before this attack, his skull will not meet with Mauja's neck, but his horn will stab him instead. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow MAUJA -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Curving his neck down to redirect the bite to his neck, protected by the mane. + 1| Defense: Ducking to send the horn over his neck, while being butted by the lower portion of Voodo's face. + 1| Attack: Bite toward Voodoo's chest. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow VOODOO -- post 3 [Realism] - 2| Powerplay: "The iron tinged splatters of blood flowed over stained teeth..." -- Mauja never mentions the bite breaking the skin, and I believe the "wet"ness that he does mention is in fact saliva. Making the injury an opponent takes more severe is still powerplay, even if this was an honest misread. + 1| Injury: Taking the bite to the chest. - 1| Borderline powerplay: "Long legs pulled me forward, pushing me to the left side of my opponent." -- Again, you may not determine your position by relating it to your opponent. You can only attempt to rush his left side. + 1| Attack: Kick to the left hip. This is more of a transitional issue, but you do not mention turning, ever, and Voodoo and Mauja were standing parallel, hip to hip, chest to chest, pretty much. Just remember to mention TURNING and not just running. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion 0 | Flow: You swapped the headbutt and bite in order of time. MAUJA -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Swerving his hips left to weaken the kick. + 1| Attack: Shove toward Voodoo's hindend. + 1| Attack: Bite toward the withers. + 1| Attack: Attempting to knock the front, right leg with his left. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow VOODOO -- post 4 [Realism] 0 | Injury: Allowing the shove and stumbling. No mention of the severity of the "bump" or any mention of pain. 0 | Defense: Swinging your hindquarters left to avoid a bite to the withers. I am not sure why you choose to swing your hind end away when he is aiming toward the shoulders. Normally I do not judge tactics, but I cannot award you for a useless defense. I am noting it here just to point it out to you. - 1| Injury: Wither bite. No mention of immediate damage or pain. + 1| Injury: Kick to the right knee. + 1| Attack: Bite to Mauja's throat. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read 0 | Emotion: Mechanical and dry. + 1| Flow MAUJA -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Recoil: Jarring from the strength of the withers slamming in Mauja's jaw. + 1| Defense: Half-rear and twist left away from the bite, taking damage to the chest. + 1| Attack: Knee-bump to Voodoo's neck. + 1| Attack: Kick toward the front of Voodoo's shoulder. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow VOODOO -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] 0 | Sidenote: Since this doesn't effect the battle itself, I am not counting off. However, I wanted you to notice this: "Front feet touched the ground for a split second, bringing the stallion back to his normal height. It seemed as soon as they touched, they flailed back up." Mauja's feet never touch back down. His attack is connected to the defense, he just continues pushing his front end left. 0 | Defense: Throwing his head up and backstepping to redirect the knees to skim his chest. If you had read correctly, you would know Voodoo would not be able to do this in time. Mauja has the battle buff Swift, so he would be not much slower than Voodoo. + 1| Injury: Kick to the left shoulder. VOODOO [Bonus] + 1| Surroundings: Footing on the icy ground is sometimes mentioned, but not directly used in this battle. [Injuries] None. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: You need to be careful about powerplay. You may not reference anything, really, which is determinant of something your opponent is doing, feeling, seeing, smelling, touching, tasting, etc. Nothing, ever. This is what lost you a lot of points during the fight! I think, overall, you do not have any bad habits in terms of mechanics, meaning you never tried to do something I thought was impossible. You just need to work on transitions, which were lacking. Mentioning a turn or any movement helps the judge and your opponent figure out what you are doing, if the attack is plausible. Also, don't forget about your horn! Good job! I look forward to watching you improve. :) MAUJA [Bonus] + 1| Surroundings: Mentioning of footing being unstable, slippery, and wishing he was instead in the tundra, Mauja is aware of his surroundings. [Injuries] None. [Creativity] + 1| Attack: I think your last attack, trying to knee Voodoo in the throat and then kicking his shoulder, was very creative and flowed nicely with your defense. Comments: You fought well as always. You obviously know Mauja well, his thoughts and actions. The only trouble I had during this fight was when you failed to clarify an attack, otherwise this was fairly clean. You also skipped out on a lot of bonuses you could have had. It was a pleasure to read your fight, and keep up the good work! TOTAL Voodoo - 61 Mauja - 76  |
