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07-06-2013, 12:59 PM
 I l l y n x | Z i m a - - - - - By my verdict ILLYNX is the winner. Illynx receives 1 VP. ILLYNX -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "...lunging hard to the right so that her body was parallel to that of Zima, crown alongside her rump and horn extended just past the end of her tresses." -- You may only attempt to align your body with Zima, as it is up to your opponent whether or not she allows you close. A simple rewording of this would save you the penalty point. 0 | Attack: Kicking toward the right. If Zima lunges right, then she would be need to kick left to actually hit Zima. I awarded you a 0 instead of a -1 because of the immense detail in slowing of speed and body adaptations of the attack. - 1| Attack: Biting toward the flank. This attack is fine, but again you got the directions wrong! Illynx moved right, which means if she turns her rump clockwise (left), her hind will end up facing Zima's rump, and not her face, making this attack impossible. + 1| Attack: Horn-slap. Direction inherited from the last attack, so I won't penalize you twice. - 1| Borderline powerplay: "...moving her back about four feet and out of strike range of the other mare's rear hooves." -- This is essentially robbing any opportunity for a counter-attack by your opponent. Zima may be quick enough to kick out and hit Illynx, so you may not place yourself outside of her striking range. You may only try, as in the last one. - 1| Penalty: Over the 800 word limit. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ZIMA -- post 1 [Realism] - 1| Injury: Kick to the chest. This is not an injury you should have taken, as your opponent kicked in the wrong direction. On top of that, I am not sure how they can be parallel and Illynx's hooves would hit on Zima's chest unless they hooked around in the opposite direction they are supposed to go. This would hit the shoulder most likely, assuming the attack was in the right direction. 0 | Attack: Rearing toward Illynx's right shoulder. I was a little iffy on whether or not this was possible, but I think you just got the direction wrong, since Illynx was turning her body too. It should be the left shoulder of Illynx, if her movements in the original post would have been correct. + 1| Injury: Bite to the left hip. Not as much detail in damage as I would have liked, but good enough to give you the point. I struggled with whether or not this would be possible too, but assuming she is still rearing, her hip may be within Illynx's reach. 0 | Defense: "Zima tried to dodge the blow..." ...How? You never explain this defense, so I cannot award you the point. + 1| Attack: Horn attack to the neck. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read 0 | Emotion: You wrote words like "angry" and "nervous", but I didn't feel these things from Zima. + 1| Flow ILLYNX -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Hooves to the shoulder. + 1| Defense: Rearing to redirect the horn to the shoulder. + 1| Attack: Kicking toward Zima's shoulder with front hooves. 0 | Attack: Throwing her left shoulder toward Zima's right side. This is all well and good, except you put this: "...her hind limbs pushed her with full momentum forwards and towards the right." Illynx is moving left to throw her left shoulder, not right. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "Her hind end then swung around behind her so that mares would be standing with Illynx's nose to Zima's shoulder..." -- Again, you impose this positioning on your opponent. Watch your wording! + 1| Attack: Bite aimed behind the elbow. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ZIMA -- post 2 [Realism] 0 | Injury: Taking kick to the shoulder. Pain is mentioned, but not the detail of the injury itself. Bruise? Scrape? 0 | Defense: Diving left to try to escape the bump. Again, no damage described. No mention of pain this time either. Also, I wanted to note this bit of physics to you. In the case of momentum, it is wiser to throw yourself into the blow. Your opponent has less time to build up momentum, and therefore does less damage. Only try to get away if you can escape completely! + 1| Injury: Bite behind the elbow. Lackluster in description again, but bites are usually self-explanatory with bruising. - 1| Attack: Ramming front hooves into Illynx's flank. Illynx and Zima are facing sort of perpendicular during the bite, with Illynx just behind Zima's shoulder. Rushing forward would not bring Zima's hooves toward Illynx's flank without a turn, which you do not mention. No mention of which flank you are after either. 0 | Attack: Horn slap to the back. Positioning inherited from the last attack, but your aim is too vague. The back of the horse is a large area, so I would like a bit more detail. Near the withers? On the spine? Closer to the rump? [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ILLYNX -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Utilizing the shove from earlier as a nifty defense against this first kick. The original aim being for the flank (albeit incorrectly), I think this was good to redirect it to her ribs considering the movement. + 1| Injury: Rough scrape down the side. Double-edged sword from the last defense, but an accurate movement of damage. 0 | Attack: Kicking out toward Zima's front end. Because you used the lake which was not formerly mentioned in this battle, really, to position yourself, I had little idea where you were when considering Zima. She failed to mention which side she was attacking, so "with my right side facing the lake" does not really help me figure out which direction Illynx's hind end is moving. Even "moving my hind end to the ____, bringing my right side to be parallel with the lake" would help me imagine this. I am assuming the rest of this attack is plausible, but give me something to work with next time! + 1| Attack: Kick to the left stifle. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read: Lack of directional components at parts, but overall okay. It was a close call, though. + 1| Emotion 0 | Flow: At the beginning of this post, you jump back to an attack by Zima that happened in the first round, and I was a lost, confused chicken for about 5 minutes, which interrupted the flow of this fight. ZIMA -- post 3 [Realism] 0 | Sidenote: Illynx takes Zima's shove to the ribs. You write this: "Zima lifted her front legs, and shoved at Illynx's flank. The other mare got pushed back a fair distance..." -- I wanted to point this out, for the sake of anatomy. The ribs do not extend to the flank. The flank is a specific part of the horse's anatomy, pictured an labeled here. AND, here you can see how far the ribs extend. I just want to make sure you know the difference between them, and watch your anatomy carefully in fights. We have several resources for anatomy on site under Guides. + 1| Injury: Kick to the top legs. + 1| Injury: Kick to the lower hip. Better to take damage to the hip than the stifle. 0| Attack: Rearing toward the ribcage/lower stomach. No mention of which side you are attacking. + 1| Attack: Horn jab to the upper hip. Direction inherited from the last attack. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ILLYNX -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Kick to the ribs just behind the elbow. - 1 | Defense: "...as she moved her hind-quarters out of the way of the incoming horn..." I do not believe Illynx would have enough time to move her rump out of the way in time from this attack. Illynx's forward momentum ended when she connected with Zima's hip and then the ground, or at least that is how it is written. Then, Zima's rear hits, giving her the push of downward momentum and speed toward Illynx's rump. A quick sidestep would probably spare the jab, but not a the cut entirely. 0 | Attack: Horn slash toward Zima's hip. No mention of which side you are attacking. - 1| Attack: Quarter rear toward the hip. Direction inherited from the last attack. Quarter rear + taller opponent = hitting a leg, not a hip. Your aim is too high. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ZIMA -- post 4 [Realism] - 1| Defense: Attempting to swing out of the way, but still taking the horn to the hip as originally aimed. Vague description and no mention of pain. 0 | Defense: "Trying to dodge", but not repositioning the hit at all. Good description of pain. 0 | Attack: Shove toward the side as Illynx lands. No mention of which side you are attacking. + 1| Attack: Trying to bat at Illynx's chest/front legs with her horn. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow ILLYNX -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] + 1| Defense: Allowing Illynx to be moved by the shove, bracing herself by spreading her front legs. + 1| Defense: Throwing her head down to unwittingly block the horn strike. ILLYNX [Bonus] + 1| Breed Comparison: You are mindful of the size difference between Zima and Illynx through most of the fight, but I would to like to have seen more understanding of how Illynx could have used that advantageously in this battle. + 2| Surroundings: You are forever inclusive of surroundings in your posts. You use it for better footing, lighting, and in strategy. It was a delight to see how you used ordinary scenery to your advantage! [Injuries] None. [Creativity] + 1| Innovative, fluid, and smart defenses. You are always good at incorporating them. Comments: I can tell you have not faught in a long while, as a lot of your mistakes are just from sheer rust around your gears. Stay mindful of the 800 word limit. You struggled with borderline powerly often in the beginning, and toward the later end of the fight you never, ever incorporated direction of motion, which led to a lot of confusion. You write wonderfully, and your prose is often the greatest part of your battle; the bonus points, frankly, are what won you this battle. I think you use defense ingeniously, and it is your strongest point. Work on over detailing movement like you do surroundings, and you will be set. Good job! ZIMA [Bonus] + 1| Surroundings: The cold is mentioned, as well as footing often. You did not ever really utilize it to your favor though, so I couldn't give you the second point. [Injuries] None. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: You struggled with emotion during this fight. Even in the posts where I did not dock off for it, I felt like it was forced a lot of the time. I know that it is easy to slip into mechanics, but try to asking yourself "how would Zima feel about fighting her Corporeal?" I would probably be nervous, scared, and then also have pangs of guilt for injuring a fellow herdmate (if I were a horse). You dropped directions hard as well, much like your opponent. Directions help keep the judge and your opponent on the same page. I was confused a lot of the time, and I had to reread a lot. I think you take too much damage, to be honest. Often we have new people who dodge every single attack, but you just took them. You had vague "attempts", but then never redirected the injury. Without defense, you are missing out on half of the battle. I look forward to watching you improve! Good job! TOTAL Illynx - 69 Zima - 66  |
