K a h l u a | R i c o c h e t
- - - - -
By my verdict TIE is the winner.

KAHLUA -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: bites at rib cage area
+ 1| Attack: low kick

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy read: a couple typos
RICOCHET -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: teeth barely damage - that area she described is a difficult place to grab ahold of so I thought you responded great to that attack.
+ 1| Defense: glancing kick
+ 1| Attack: shoulder ram
0| Attack: head to ribs hit - I like the idea of this attack, but in this instance he’s coming at her too fast to be able to pull this off realistically.
- 1| Attack: mane grab - I’m not even sure how he can grab her mane if his head was just trying to hit her ribs? Much less with the speed he was described as using coming into her (fast gallop) with no description of slowing or stopping, I don’t see how he could pull this off.
- 1| Attack: heel stomp - Same as above in regards to his speed. Overall I just think you have too much going on at one time in one place which has made it a bit of an attack overload and difficult to understand what is happening when and where and to/from whom.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
KAHLUA -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Attack: biting for his ear - he stated he was galloping towards her, not sure how she’d have the time or speed to grab his ear, especially while being slammed into.
+ 1| Defense: slammed into
- 1| Injury: she should have taken a lot more pain or been off balanced significantly more considering Ricochet galloped into her and she was just standing there. If she’d at least been in motion it would have helped defuse some of his energy.
+ 1| Defense: head graze
0| Defense: mane grab - it’s barely mentioned (it also would not stop her from being able to rear. Horse’s actually don’t feel through their mane like in their tails. of course if a large chunk is ripped out that’d hurt, but I mean they’re not as sensitive as if someone grabs our hair so she probably wouldn’t really notice/be aware of it until she jerked up and it ripped out)
+ 1| Defense: coronet stomp
- 1| Attack: rear - you air your knee at his ribs as you lift up, but say he has a hold of your mane, so based on position his ribs should not be close enough for her to do this. Otherwise I like the idea of this attack - though she’d have much more force going down than up.
+ 1| Attack: fetlock slam
+ 1| Injury: bringing up how her injured fetlock was affected from her attack and landing of the rear, excellent!

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
RICOCHET -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: grazed bite
+ 1| Injury: hurt by your own attack, using your head to strike her
+ 1| Defense: ribs kneed
- 1| Injury: barely described her hit on his ribs which you said landed
+ 1| Defense: hit on coronet
- 1| Attack: buck - bucking after just having an injured front hoof that he said he would have to take care of it more and you immediately shift all your weight onto it right after, doesn’t seem realistic.
+ 1| Attack: neck bite
+ 1| Attack: rear to shoulder strike
+ 1| Attack: gaskin bite from Guns

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
KAHLUA -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: struck on left shoulder - not sure there’d be enough blood to slip on, especially considering the cold, which causes there to be less blood right beneath the surface especially in the lower legs/extremities.
- 1| Defense: neck bite to coup - you say you take only one step but the attack lands on the complete opposite end of her body.
+ 1| Defense: glancing kick to thigh
+ 1| Defense: dog bite
+ 1| Attack: cow kick
+ 1| Attack: low rear to gaskin
+ 1| Attack: biting stifle while rearing - for a normal rear this would be too low to do at the same time and off balance her, causing her face to slam into his body if he didn’t move away. It’s still a bit overall awkward.
- 1| Attack: lunging to ram his ribs - she was aiming towards his hind end earlier, so would have to be turning to aim back at his ribs, which you do not describe - and this is all assuming he didn’t move. Plus there’s no distance between them for her to get momentum to really cause an impact, and having the lighter frame would probably get injured from doing this.
+ 1| Attack: biting

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
RICOCHET -- post 3

[Realism]
- 2| Powerplay: “His lips closed around the bone of her croup and with a ferocious jerk of his head, Ricochet’s mouth departed from his adversary with a mouthful of her ebony hair.” - You cannot go back and add in that you ferociously jerked your head, as this was not something you had described before and would cause more damage to your opponent after she’d already described the injury and moved forward in the post.
+ 1| Defense: dog kicked
+ 1| Defense: kicked in chest
+ 1| Defense: neck bitten
+ 1| Attack: rears at her
+ 1| Attack: bites
- 1| Defense: you do not mention how her lunging ram affects him.
- 1| Defense: you do not mention her trying to bite him again.
+ 1| Attack: leans his weight on her more
+ 1| Attack: dog bite

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
KAHLUA -- post 4 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: struck on chest from rearing
+ 1| Defense: bitten
+ 1| Defense: swings away, hit on his way down
+ 1| Defense: jerks away from dog bite

KAHLUA

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed
+ 2| Terrain

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You do incredibly well at remembering you injuries and using them throughout the fight which I love. You also take injuries pretty accurately and consider breed and terrain throughout. However, despite your focus on realism so much in the fight which left me wanting a lot in regards to emotion (although I loved the moments when Kahlua’s fear and inexperience did shine), you still have a ways to come with the flow of a battle. There should be more movement - often you were standing still - and things need not go in exact order one by one. Things can occur together, you can counter attack and that can sometimes be a defense. I would suggest watching some fighting horses and read more spars because overall this battle felt stiff and at time was hard to imagine - you did a great job at trying to always describe sides, but sometimes I still struggled figuring out where her head was and his head was, if they were parallel or perpendicular, whereas information like the exact degree of the angle does not help me. I think you have great potential though because your writing was very nice, you just need a bit more practice making it all come together and be real.
RICOCHET

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed
+ 2| Terrain
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| I really loved you describing shifting leads to give a certain shoulder more power. Very realistic and something I haven’t seen done before.
+ 1| I loved seeing you take injuries from actions that weren’t always attacks, such as his teeth being hit when she reared.

Comments: You fought in a similar fashion as Kahlua, having a good eye for remembering breed and terrain references (loved all the slipping), and that you remembered injuries at times and especially that you took injuries that weren’t direct attacks which is very real. However sometimes I think you also get a bit stiff with having all your attacks and defenses happen in a line rather than as a continuous flow, and I think you tend to get a bit overzealous with the number of attacks you make in a post. I’d love to see more of those words put towards emotion and description, as the posts were rather dry with the technicalities of fighting. Otherwise I also think your writing is very good and has a lot of potential for growth with more exposure to fighting!
TOTAL
KAHLUA - 74
RICOCHET - 74