"Sounds as if I have a lot to learn about everyone. Does everyone have a job? Do you?" I feel the pressure to learn how a herd works before waltzing in, I am thankful for the friendly Kahlua.

"She may not be as ferocious as the name implies?" I laugh, "Not fully comforting Kahlua," I realize this is her leader and hastily ad "I joke about her but I already feel respect for the leader to the horses at The Edge. Taking on the forces of nature itself. But it is more of a distant respect." I consider leaving it unsaid, but after Torolf I believe I will always tell horses how I feel towards them. "At the moment I feel the most respect for you, Kahlua, even if some higher ranking horses provide for me in the future, it will be you that found me and welcomed me. Giving me a chance at the future I dream of. My first friend since.... that I have had in a while." I was going to say Torolf, but I couldn't bring myself to say his name out loud yet, plus Kahlua doesn't know who he is and I don't want to risk having to explain. I watch her face and smile, hoping not to have pushed her away any with a quick heart to heart.

I'm thrown off by Kahlua's response of telling me to be myself. It comes as a shock to realize I am not positive of who I am.

I feel as if there are two clashing sides of me. I remember the young filly who spent many hot summer days dozing off with her head laid in the lap of the farmer's boy as he spun me stories of our future together. I remember his pride when I outran the neighbor's colt. I remember the gentleness of my mother as provided a shoulder for the boy's feeble grandfather to lean on after his crutch snapped, taking one patient step at a time.

But I also remember the tears that fell as the boy handed my lead to the hard eyed auctioneer. The cold hard glint of metal in the sun. I can still hear the sounds of blades being sharpened, destined for a kill. I will never forget the thick smell of blood as it seeped into the ground choking the vibrant grass. And I can still see the bodies littering the ground, something I helped to create.

I look down to the ground and paw at the snow pushing the memories away. Somehow I will find myself.

I begin to canter hoping to be heading into the right direction before looking back over my shoulder and calling back "Come on then, lead the way to The Edge!" I revel in the feeling of plowing through the snow and playfully buck.

Kahlua's zest for life has rubbed off on me, in many ways her excitement worked to calm my nerves. She was one of the few that didn't allow the troubles of life to tie her down.

I look back a last time to where I saw Torolf's spirit rear in celebration and to where I had stood. The place where my past bid me farewell and my future was born.

My stride flatters a little when I see a small flower standing in the ground where I had pawed away the snow. Innocence has a way of surviving even in the harshest environment, being the most fragile but also the most obstinate thing in our lives.