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I am wandering, wandering through the bleak lands between where I used to be and where I am now, both literally and figuratively. I am as lost as I am in one as with the other. I no longer know where I have come from, nor where I am going. My once shining blue ice pools are dull with confusion and something that feels like bitterness, but what could just as easily be sorrow. See, I cannot make up my mind whether to be angry,sad or just plain dull. I feel like I have lost everything, but nothing at the same time.
For, you see, what I have lost is someplace where I didn't fit in, and someone I barely even knew. So why am I feeling so obliterated? Searing anger drives it way through my veins, quickly followed by waves of tumbling grief. I cannot decide to be relieved to be away from what I was becoming or agitated about being humiliated in front of all those I once called family. Demons throw themselves clumsily around my cranium,bouncing off its walls with larger thuds that cause me to shake my dial in frustration, hoping to shake them out. No such luck would come my way of course.
As my hooves noticed a change in the ground, be it that harsh sand of the desert changed to a softer form of vegetation, I decided to pause in my pity party and actually take in my surroundings. I blinked in surprise as I noted that I was now in what appeared to be a relatively vast, dense forest rather than the expanse of desert I had been trudging across for the last god knows how long. I had been running away for some time it seemed. Away from the humiliation of failing in battle in front of my war bred comrades. Away from the guilt that haunted me, that it was my fault the rebels had killed Isidora. And away from the grief that the beautiful Spanish princess was dead, all because I had gone soft and taken my eye off the ball.And it clearly hadn't taken me long to get back to my invite only pity party. I was starting to bore even myself.
I picked up my pace, my long grey pillars quickly fell back into the regimented brisk march that had been drilled into me from day one of my life. My shimmering pearly banner now dragged along the floor, picking up debris, and I had to constantly blow my bangs from my eyes in order to see where I was going. Once I reached a suitable clearing, I drew to a stop and looked about me, looking for any sign of life that might be lurking in the shadows. I brought myself up to my full height and drew my head into my chest, just like the warhorse I had been bred to be..
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For all is not always fair in both love and war..
