L A C E | H E S P E R A
- - - - -
By my verdict HESPERA is the winner.
Hespera receives 1 VP

HESPERA -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: As Hespera comes to his side- her right, his left... - You cannot dictate where your opponent is. Maybe Lace decides he doesn't want to fight, and then runs away before she gets anywhere near him? Indeed - your attack assumes Lace will stay so that you're both facing the same direction - which is highly unlikely.
+ 1| Attack: Horn jab to lace's left side.
+ 1| Attack: Snaps her tail at his face
0| Attack: Attack at his front left knee - with what? Front legs? Hind?

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion:
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Flow:

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LACE -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Turning towards her - then swinging his hind end to the left to reduce the area of her horn attack.
+ 1| Counter-Attack: Rearing to strike at her back and evade her kick.
0| Injury: I think rearing would evade her kick - but I think her tail would likely have hit him somewhere - on the belly, or chest as he rose into the air.
0| Attack: Biting at Andromeda's rump - you acknowledge that she is likely to be moving forward. In the time it took Lace to 1. rear 2. strike towards her back 3. land 4. try to bite her, I can't imagine how she could still be in range.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion:
+ 1| Easy Read:
+ 1| Flow

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HESPERA -- post 2

[Realism]
0| Defense: Running past Lace's rear. I think he likely would have hit some part of her - the snow beneath them would likely slow Hespera down somewhat - and you didn't write her as running directly by - she did kick which would also have slowed her down. His rear was meant to be simultaneous with that kick.
0| Attack: Sliding to a stop and kicking out. How far did she go before she kicked? What/Where was her kick aimed?
- 1| Dropped Attack: No mention of Lace's bite
+ 1| Attack: Kicking out towards his chest.
+ 1| Attack: Pivots and bites towards his right knee
+ 1| Attack: Drops and bites towards his knee again

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Flow:
+ 1| Emotion: For once, she wished she had paid better attention to the painstakingly long and dramatic epics recited by Faeron, rather than watch the way he smiled or how he flicked his ears. Haha. I loved this.

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LACE -- post 2

[Realism]
0| Defense: he grunted from the effort of forcing his quickly tiring body into yet another rear - this time in hope of avoiding the set of hard hooves that came shooting towards his chest. You don't say whether or not the attack hits.
0| Injury: Hespera's second kick was meant to come as Lace bit towards her (that's what was meant to close the distance between the two) - you can't go back and re-write him as having reared. The time line is meant to be 1. Lace rears and Hespera runs by 2. Lace lands, and Hespera kicks out towards him (ambiguously) 3. Lace bites towards her, which is when Hespera kicks out again.
- 1| Dropped Attack: Hespera bites towards his right knee before she kneels to the ground, as well as after.
+ 1| Defense: Drops to his knees
+ 1| Attack: Bites towards Hespera's poll
0| Injury: 'Allows' the bite - did it hurt? If she's biting a 'more muscled' area, it is going to be sensitive
+ 1| Attack: Gets to his feet and rears aiming for her chest
0| Attack: Bites towards her cheek - which side? You mention in your summary, but not in your post.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
- 1| Flow: The interrupted time-line made me scratch my head a number of times. Sometimes Lace's continuity of motion is hard to decipher - like when he rears to avoid the first kick but then remains standing for the second - there were only a few clues to indicate that's what he did.
+ 1| Easy Read

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HESPERA -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: Bite on her neck
0| Attack: Barreling into Lace as he rears - you don't mention at all that Hespera has gotten to her feet. Also there isn't any distance between them, so 'barreling' I think is poor wdording to describe a glorified shove.
- 1| Dropped Attack: No mention of Lace's attack to her chest
- 1| Dropped Attack: No mention of his bite.

[Prose]
+ 1 | Easy Read
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion:

---

LACE -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: Not being knocked over, since there wasn't much distance between the two
+ 1| Attack: Hooves flailing towards her shoulders/back area
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: he quickly eased off to the right, out of reach from horn and teeth. - You cannot dictate that Lace won't take any more damage.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow: I found it really awkward that Lace just landed, even though you acknowledge that Hespera is basically underneath. Somehow, not entirely clear about how, the crafter came back down to the ground with a force that rattled his already sore teeth.
+ 1| Easy Read

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HESPERA -- Closing defense
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: lol Lace the fat horse; Taking the weight on her shoulders/back and moving out from under him.

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HESPERA

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed comparison: You used their height differences and build differences in almost every post.
+ 1| Surroundings: Great use of both the snow, and the cold in your posts.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1|: All of the 'Lace is fat' comments, which were really meant to compensate for how small she is :P

Comments: This was great. I really liked reading what Hespera thought about her past life, and whatnot. I lol'd at all of the fat-Lace comments as well!

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LACE

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed comparison:
+ 2| Surroundings: Really great use of both the snow, and the darkness making Hespera harder to see!

[Injuries]
+ 1| Health: Least injured.

[Creativity]
Nothing of note.

Comments: Great fight! Be careful of timelines! I think you write Lace as doing things to specifically avoid injury - but without mentioning them, I can't be sure.

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TOTAL
HESPERA - 66
LACE - 65