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Overall a Fail.
I felt that although you had good clues upon reveal, prior to reveal they were too vague to lead me the direction you intended. You take 1-2 words as being the only importance in lines full of other words, so I didn't always see why those words were of such high importance over the others because the lines themselves did not direct.
Roux was sought.
I watched a sparrow this morning, hunting amidst the daisies.
- Sparrows are brown, black, and white. So is Roux. So this is a color reference.
FAIL - There is not enough in the line to tell me it's a color ref, first thing I consider is sparrows have wings = pegasus. Although I do know that probably most people think of the House Sparrow like you did with that color scheme, sparrows can come in other colors as there are lots of sparrows.
- When I think daisies, I think white flowers. Snow is white, the Basin is generally referred to as being covered in snow. This is a reference to the Basin.
FAIL - Daisies to me means yellow, happy, sunshine! Nothing at all which I associate with the Basin.
I watched a rat scurry boldly through the brambles last night.
- Rats are extremely near-sighted and see most things as huge colored shapes moving around. Roux's blindsight is referred to during the day as only being able to sense motion. Both Roux and rats would be more cautious during the day, and more confident at night, due to their sight issues. This is a reference to Roux's sight.
FAIL - this is again too vague if you put so much emphasis on sight, which is not even hinted at in this line. Bats are better known for their poor sight than rats, so saying rats doesn't make me lean towards thinking of sight at all.
They are different than I.
- Wasn't initially meant as a clue, honestly. But can refer to two different things. Unicorn vs. equine and male vs. female.
FAIL - The poem is to be about the character being stolen, which means I do not consider the writer of the stealth. I would have never thought to compare Smoke to Roux and so this line to me points to Roux being very different from the rest or somehow outcast/abnormal.
Perhaps one day you'll understand they're not so different after all.
- Meant as fluff, but can refer to Roux being raised amidst racist unicorns.
PASS - with the racism surrounding Roux this line stands out clear as leading that way and being a good history ref.
I felt that although you had good clues upon reveal, prior to reveal they were too vague to lead me the direction you intended. You take 1-2 words as being the only importance in lines full of other words, so I didn't always see why those words were of such high importance over the others because the lines themselves did not direct.
Roux was sought.
I watched a sparrow this morning, hunting amidst the daisies.
- Sparrows are brown, black, and white. So is Roux. So this is a color reference.
FAIL - There is not enough in the line to tell me it's a color ref, first thing I consider is sparrows have wings = pegasus. Although I do know that probably most people think of the House Sparrow like you did with that color scheme, sparrows can come in other colors as there are lots of sparrows.
- When I think daisies, I think white flowers. Snow is white, the Basin is generally referred to as being covered in snow. This is a reference to the Basin.
FAIL - Daisies to me means yellow, happy, sunshine! Nothing at all which I associate with the Basin.
I watched a rat scurry boldly through the brambles last night.
- Rats are extremely near-sighted and see most things as huge colored shapes moving around. Roux's blindsight is referred to during the day as only being able to sense motion. Both Roux and rats would be more cautious during the day, and more confident at night, due to their sight issues. This is a reference to Roux's sight.
FAIL - this is again too vague if you put so much emphasis on sight, which is not even hinted at in this line. Bats are better known for their poor sight than rats, so saying rats doesn't make me lean towards thinking of sight at all.
They are different than I.
- Wasn't initially meant as a clue, honestly. But can refer to two different things. Unicorn vs. equine and male vs. female.
FAIL - The poem is to be about the character being stolen, which means I do not consider the writer of the stealth. I would have never thought to compare Smoke to Roux and so this line to me points to Roux being very different from the rest or somehow outcast/abnormal.
Perhaps one day you'll understand they're not so different after all.
- Meant as fluff, but can refer to Roux being raised amidst racist unicorns.
PASS - with the racism surrounding Roux this line stands out clear as leading that way and being a good history ref.
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Magic or force permitted any time, aside from death.
