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- - - - - By my verdict SMOKE is the winner. Smoke receives 1 VP and earns one point for the Edge Defenders. SMOKE -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Left shoulder into Illynx's right side. + 1| Attack: Bite to the right side of her neck. + 1| Attack: Front hooves to Illynx's lower legs. + 1| Previous Experience: Recalling prior battle. [Prose] - 1| Emotion: Her home is being invaded, something she had no prior knowledge of, and suddenly Illynx is there. But I really didn't read much emotion from Smoke - merely that she was glad it wasn't Mauja. + 1| Flow: + 1| Easy Read: Illynx -- post 1 [Realism] - 1| Injury: No mention of whether or not the attack to her side hurt. + 1| Injury: Bite to the neck. + 1| Defense: Raising her front leg up to avoid the worst of Smoke's attacks. Kick to the ergot/pastern + 1| Attack: Buck towards Smoke's left. + 1| Attack: Horn attack to Smoke's face [Prose] + 1| Emotion - 1| Easy to Read: + 1| Flow. SMOKE -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Stepping to the right to avoid the buck. Kick to the barrel. + 1| Defense: Spinning to avoid the horn-attack, and cut to the shoulder. + 1| Attack: Buck towards Illynx's right shoulder. + 1| Attack: Bite towards Illynx's face - 2| Powerplay: She had every intent to fend off that wickedly sharp horn while driving her full weight into the other mare again, perhaps chest to chest. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: + 1| Flow: + 1| Easy Read:. ILLYNX -- post 2 [Realism] - 1| Injury: Smoke's buck - you mention that it bled, and would be bruised, but not if it hurt. + 1| Attack: Knees to Smoke's face. - 1| Injury: You do not specify which knee smoke bit - and I don't believe it could have somehow been both, at once. + 1| Defense: Moving forward, and left to avoid Smoke, and attacking her right side. - 2| Power play: an ear still held to the cause of the dragon that was now behind her - Even though realistically this is likely where Smoke is, you cannot dictate where you opponent actually is. Maybe she has the ability to grow wings and fly - you simply cannot say. + 1| Attack: Horn attack to Smoke's right side. - 1| Attack: Bite - no mention of direction. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: 0| Flow: - 1| Easy Read: There were a number of times I had to stop and re-read things here. SMOKE -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Knock to the teeth. + 1| Injury: Blow to the side. + 1| Attack: Cowkick + 1| Attack: Snapping her tail to deter an attack - 2| Power play: thus voiding the possibilities of any attacks behind the charge being successful. You cannot stipulate this. + 1| Attack: Zaffre's attack to Illynx's back + 1| Attack: Barbed tail to Illynx's haunches. + 1| Defense: Running around the tree [Prose] + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow. + 1| Emotion. ILLYNX -- post 3 [Realism] - 1| Dropped attack: No mention of Smoke's cowkick - 1| Injury: No mention if the tail to the face hurt. + 1| Injury: Zaffre's attack to her neck/back + 1| Injury: Zaffre's tail to her hind end. + 1| Attack: Bucking to get rid of the dragon [Prose] + 1| Emotion: "the rather urgent matter of the dragon on her back" xD + 1| Easy to read: + 1| Flow: SMOKE -- post 4 [Realism] - 1| Injury: Illynx bucking at Zaffre. No mention of pain on Zaffre's part, only that he was holding on. + 1| Attack: Rush towards Illynx's left shoulder, to slam in her into the tree. + 1| Attack: Rear/hoof strike + 1| Attack: Hoof-push + 1| Attack: Bite [Prose] + 1| Emotion: + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read. ILLYNX -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Widening her stance and pivoting - 1| Injury: Smoke's attack to her chest - no mention of pain. + 1| Attack: Horn to Smoke's Shoulder + 1| Attack: Bite to the elbow - 1| Attack: Lunging forward at Smoke - no mention of which side of Smoke you intend to strike. I assume it's her left, if you're going right? + 1| Injury: Smoke's kicks to her spine - 1| Dropped Attack: No mention of Smoke trying to shove her away. - 1| Dropped Attack: No mention of Smoke's Bite. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: Your first paragraph was DRIPPING. + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read SMOKE -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] + 1| Injury: Horn attack to the shoulder. + 1| Injury: Chest collision + 1| Injury: Bite SMOKE [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison + 2| Surroundings: I think Smoke used her home to her advantage very well here. + 1| Least Injured. [Injuries] None [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Sometimes I find that Smoke comes off as lacking emotion. I know that it's there, but it doesn't often read very well. However your understanding of movements as well as the mechanics of fighting come across very obviously, and your posts were very easy to read. ILLYNX [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison + 1| Surroundings. [Injuries] - 2| Adrenaline/Ignoring pain: In almost all of your posts, Illynx ignored the extreme injuries that she sustained. We do have the buff numb, which would account for this, but Illynx does not have it. As such, having her simply 'fight through the pain' when she has just been mauled by a dragon, or having her anger somehow sedate her injuries, isn't realistic to that extent. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Great fight! Your write Illynx's emotion really well. Sometimes it felt as though you were bogged down by the details. I think it might help you if you were to write out your opponents attacks, and write the response to that first. Prose can only count for +3 per post, whereas dropped attacks or forgetting to mention pain, can cause you a lot more. TOTAL Illynx- 64 Smoke - 83 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
