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09-07-2013, 03:34 PM
- - - - - By my verdict Artemis is the winner. Artemis receives 1 VP and earns one point for the Grey Invaders. Laila -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Charging at Artemis. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 2| Emotion - Lots and lots of emotion here, I can really feel why Laila is doing what she's doing. + 1| Flow Artemis -- post 1 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Moving to the left to avoid Laila's charge. + 1| Attack: Turning right and aiming horn for Laila's hindquarters. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow Laila -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Taking Artemis' horn from the point of the hip to near the dock. + 1| Attack: Stopping and kicking out at Artemis. [Prose] - 1| Easy Read - You had some slip-ups in this post, like putting 'the the' and mixing up 'her' and 'she' once, as well as what seemed to be a random 'an' in one of your sentences. + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow Artemis -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Taking Laila's kicks to the chest and knees. + 1| Attack: Rearing up and striking out at Laila's dock. + 1| Attack: Kicking out at Laila's left side. + 1| Attack: Semi-circle to the right and swinging horn for Laila's shoulder. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow Laila -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Taking Artemis' kick to the left flank. + 1| Defense: Ramming into the right side of Artemis' neck/chest. + 1| Attack: Biting for Artemis' withers. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow Artemis -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Attack: Aiming to slash Laila's shoulder with her horn. + 1| Injury: Taking Laila's charge to the ribs. 0| Injury: Bite to the crest. If Laila's charge had gone into her ribs and this bite was after that, then wouldn't the bite have landed on Artemis' rump? + 1| Attack: Rearing up and striking out at Laila's head. + 1| Attack: Biting for Laila's ear/face. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow Laila -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Artemis' horn to Laila's shoulder. + 1| Defense: Rearing and jerking head to the left to avoid being stricken. + 1| Injury: Hit in the chest/right shoulder by Artemis' hooves. + 1| Injury: Ear go bye-bye + 1| Attack: Kicking out at Artemis' chest. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow Artemis -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Laila's hooves to her knees. [Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow Laila -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] No attacks or defenses were made; nothing of note. Laila [Bonus] + 2| Breed: You always used Laila's smaller, more agile size to your advantage. + 2| Surroundings: You were always aware of your surroundings, mentioning them often. [Injuries] Nothing of note. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Can I steal your ability to put emotion into posts, please? The way you described Laila's will to protect her herd, even though she is young, was remarkable. Emotion is what most people struggle with when it comes to battles, but you have it down to an art. You did well at keeping Laila's age and inexperience in mind. All in all, you have the mechanics of a fantastic fighter, just keep it up; awesome job! Artemis [Bonus] + 2| Breed: You were constantly aware of Artemis' larger size and used it to your advantage. + 2| Surroundings: You were always aware of your surroundings, mentioning them often. + 1| Health [Injuries] Nothing of note. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: As a relatively new player here, you're an astounding fighter! You described both your attacks and defenses great, and I loved the way you described Artemis' internal struggle of not really wanting to hurt Laila. You kept your injuries in mind throughout the entirety of the fight, describing them and playing them off well. You're an exceptional fighter, just keep up the good work! TOTAL Laila - 76 Artemis - 78 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
