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08-22-2013, 02:16 PM
- - - - - By my verdict this fight is a TIE. Neither party receives VP. Neither the invaders nor the defenders receive a point in their favor. PHAEDRA -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Forelegs to Res's right shoulder. + 1| Attack: Kick to Res's left shoulder/neck. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: "Damnit Archibald! This is why you don't send a spy!" 0 | Easy Read: The first attack, you started her path as going to Res's right side, but then stated you were coming from behind and slightly right. To me, this added unnecessary complications to the scene in my mind. + 1| Flow RESPLENDENCE -- post 1 [Realism] - 1| Dropped Attack: While I figure that your stumble or your pivot brings Resplendence out of the way of Phaedra's attacks, you never clearly state whether or not her initial hit with her forelegs actually lands or misses. 0 | Defense: Pivoting to move her right shoulder out of the way of hind hooves, taking damage to the barrel. You do not mention pain or lack of pain, and you also failed to indicate which side of her barrel is injured, though from your other descriptors I would hazard right. + 1| Attack: Kicking out toward Phaedra's hind quarters. I think this attack could hit, regardless of Phaedra still being airborn, since you didn't aim for a particular area (especially one high up like the flank). - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "...her left side up against the winged one's right side." -- You cannot dictate with certainty that Resplendence will be able to make it to Phaedra's side because it limits your opponent's actions. You may only attempt this sort of positioning. 0 | Attack: Kick toward the wings. Phaedra never states she lands, also, you cannot kick out at both wings at once, so state that you are kicking toward the right wing. I did not count this a purely bad attack, though, because I feel like the strategy as well as using advice from a friend is a very strong point here. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: Nervous Nancy. + 1| Easy Read + 1| Flow PHAEDRA -- post 2 [Realism] - 1| Defense: Soaring upward is a great way to escape attacks, but I think you are overestimating the speed with which she would change the direction of her movement and ascend to completely miss Res's first kick, which immediately follows Phaedra's own. + 1| Defense: Continue flying to avoid Res's second kick. 0 | Attack: Front hooves to Res's right thigh. The issue I have with this attack is that you wish it to be simultaneous with her second kick, but you already mentioned it earlier in this post, so the timing is incorrect: "...see the mist swirling again, as her opponent kicks out once more, like a shadow boxer in this endless night." - 2| Powerplay: Imposing an attack your opponent did not launch - a third kick. + 1| Attack: Stella's claws toward Res's left shoulder/withers. + 1| Attack: Kick to Res's right shoulder. - 1| Attack: Wing-slap. Phaedra would not be in range for this attack, if she had just finished kicking at Res's shoulder. [Prose] + 1| Emotion 0 | Easy Read: You really lost track of timing and placement in this post, which made it difficult to read. + 1| Flow RESPLENDENCE -- post 2 [Realism] 0 | Attack: Kick toward wings. Which wing, again? You cannot hit both at one time. 0 | Injury: Stumbling toward the left. No mention of pain, damage done, etc., though I do think you did well to seem surprised and off balance. + 1| Defense: Backing up to direct Stella's talons to her shoulder. You mentioned that she did not feel pain this time, yay! + 1| Defense: Continuing backing up to avoid Phaedra's kick. I struggled a bit with this one because kicks are fast and backing up for a horse is typically slow... however, I think it is still possible to get Res out of the way, given that it was started for Stella's attack prior. - 1| Injury: Or maybe just general confusion? Did Phaedra's wing slap hit or not? I am not certain, as you never directly state that it does, but you mention pain caused by Phaedra in the next sentence. Either way, this was not clear. [Prose] + 2| Emotion: "No. All this creatures was doing was proving that she should have been in the place of Rowan. That she should have died..." -- Aww, the Res feels, everywhere in this post. .___. 0 | Flow: You had several moments where Res was spinning but then not, doing this and then not, so the entire thing read as rushed and jerky. If you are going to talk about an action, follow through with it. Otherwise, it's just clutter taking up your wordcount and confusing the reader. 0 | Easy Read: I had a lot of, 'wait what?' moments in this post. PHAEDRA -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Experience: Recalling a spar with Birch and comparing the ease of attacks. - 1| Dropped attack: You fail to mention Res's kick at the beginning of her post. + 1| Attack: Swirling the mists around Res to confuse her. [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Easy Read + 1| Flow RESPLENDENCE -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Crying blocking the disorientation. I never thought I would see crying used in a defensive way, but alas, there is a first for everything. + 1| Attack: Throwing a stick in the direction of Phaedra. I considered this for a long time... throwing long, slender objects using just my arm positioned like a horse's neck to try and make it as realistic as possible, while remembering that horses have stronger necks, etc, and I think this could actually reach 15 feet in the air, considering that Res is standing at nearly 5 already. + 1| Attack: Throwing a rock in the direction of Phaedra. Same deal... I threw smaller, denser objects this time, though. - 1| Attack: Jumping to impale Phaedra with a branch. While I think, depending on how large of a banch we are talking about, this could reach her, the way it is written makes it flatly impossible. You mention Res rocking back onto her haunches and then jumping up. Watch this video of horses jumping in slow motion. See how they get a running start, pushing off with their front end mid-stride and then pushing off with their back end? Even then, these horses have their head up the whole time. They are probably 16-17hh, considerably taller than Res, and are not carrying a branch, and these leaps are still only 6ft, usually. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "It no longer matter if she aimed at the wings, the gleaming of her coat was still in her eyes." -- Phaedra may have stopped glowing, so you cannot dictate this. You could say "I could aim for what I thought was the glowing of her coat." [Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Easy Read: This post was easy to read, even with the innovative attacks. You did good! + 1| Flow PHAEDRA -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Stick to the chest. + 1| Attack: Stomping upon Res's croup. - 1| Attack: Stella clawing at Res's left thigh. Stella is first landing upon Res's croup, but then trying to reach all the way down to her thigh? I realize that secretary birds have long legs, but I think this would unbalance the bird, making her fall off, if she tried to lean that far over, making this attack implausible. 15 roughly would be the croup, and the thigh is demarked by 20. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "Her body stayed forward enough to avoid hooves..." -- You may only attempt this, not say it with certainty. What is to stop Res from jetting forward, unbalancing the bird, and then kicking out? + 1| Defense: Flying upward to avoid the rock being thrown. + 1| Defense: Avoiding the stick by flying higher up still. [Prose] 0 | Flow: You mention Stella clawing Res's thigh, then stomping before she claws, then clawing again, which should have just been written in order. + 1| Emotion: Phaedra: DUDE WTF STICK + 1| Easy Read RESPLENDENCE -- post 4 [Realism] - 1| Dropped attack: No mention of Stella's attempt to "stomp" on Res. + 1| Defense: Surging forward to the tail. 0 | Attack: Dagger-stick toward Phae's chest. No mention of the direction of approach here. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: "She skid to a halt the second she reached where the end of the mare's chest...." -- Again, this is directive to your opponent. Phaedra could move or do anything in this span of time. + 1| Attack: Stab toward the right shoulder/wing joint. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: Res getting fierce, finally! + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read PHAEDRA -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] - 1| Defense: Cliff crumbling under Phaedra to avoid attacks. Realistically, since the Edge's cliffs are more like solid rockfaces and not overhangs, I find it very unlikely Phaedra is heavy enough to crumble the cliff. If Deimos was instilling his magic in it, maybe, otherwise, no. PHAEDRA [Bonus] + 1| Breed comparison: While you tried to keep this in mind throughout the fight, I think you treated it unrealistically. Andalusians (the other half of Phae's lineage) are stockier and bigger than Morgans! Morgans are also used for many disciplines which require speed, endurance, and elegant movement. So while Phaedra had the upper hand with wings, I think you overstated the agility of her build comparatively. + 2| Surroundings: Using the night and the mists to help hide her and disorient throughout the fight. + 1| Least injured. [Injuries] None. [Creativity] + 1| I thought making the cliff crumble was creative, if not realistic. Comments: I think your fought well, considering you have not spent nearly as much time fighting with Phaedra. However, I feel like you dwelled too much on when your opponent made mistakes and not enough on your own writing, as often when Res's posts had flaws, yours followed with some as well. Ultimately, try to keep yourself from getting caught up in all of those details and take the replies in stride. Do not let them throw you off in your fighting, and I think you will be a lot better for it. Good job! RESPLENDENCE [Bonus] + 1| Breed comparison: You do not often compare Res with Phaedra, but you did use the gaited qualities of the morgan breed to be stealth in the fight, which I really appreciated! + 2| Surroundings: Oh, boy, what did you not use surroundings for? [Injuries] None. [Creativity] + 1| Sticks and stones attack to get Phaedra out of the air. + 1| Using waterworks as a defensive and useful strategy. Comments: You are new to fighting, and it shows through small, rookie mistakes we all make. Overall, though, I think you have great potential to be an awesome battler with some practice! You had creative ideas and really kept in tune with your character throughout the fight, which always leads to better outcomes. Keep that connection and creativity, as it will be the difference between a great fighter and a good one later on. You should take some time to research the movement and anatomy or horses, watch some play fight videos maybe, but you are well on your way. Great fight! TOTAL Phaedra - 67 Resplendence - 67 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
