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09-07-2013, 08:38 PM
- - - - - By my verdict Crowley is the winner. Crowley receives 1 VP and earns one point for the Basin Invaders. LEVI -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] - 1| Defense: Making sand armor. This is an improper use of Levi's magic. He can only make: one horse-sized shape that is not dense, or three small animal sized shapes that are more dense. I would consider a full suit of armor fairly dense - but he also needs to be concentrating on the form the whole time, or it falls a part. + 1| Attack: Right hind leg, kicking at the back of Crowley's skull/neck area. - 1| Borderline Powerplay: Now he was facing towards the stallion’s rear and ready to fight on the ground - you cannot dictate where your opponent is. Crowley could have done any number of things in the time that it took Levi to turn around and land. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. - 1| Easy Read: Slow down and re-read your posts! There were lots of grammatical and spelling errors, and you even switched tenses in the middle of sentences. - 1| Flow: This post was confusing to read. First Levi dives toward's Crowley's left side - then he flies close to the ground - then he makes armor - then he charges (? in the air?) - then he kicks out. It was only in your summary that you said he was trying to fly head on. Also, Levi is a big boy - to say that he turned in the air 'quickly' isn't realistic - he would have to glide in an arch, or drop a shoulder/wing to come around. But there's no mention of that - keep in mind how big a creature like this really is, and how much slower his turning speed would be in the air! CROWLEY -- post 1 [Realism] 0| Injury: Levi's kick to his dock-area. No mention of pain. + 1| Attack: Bucking upwards after Levi's kick. - 2| Powerplay: Imposing an attack your opponent did not give: Levi only attacked once in this post - He flew towards Crowley's left side, lowered down to make his armor, then flew up for his attack. + 1| Attack: Crowley's horn attack to the left side of Levi's face/neck. - 1| Attack: Buck - no mention of direction or target + 1| Attack: Crowley's left shoulder into Levi's left + 1| Attack: Talbot attack to Levi's left wing. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow. LEVI -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Crowley's buck to his stomach. + 1| Defense: Moving to the right to avoid Crowley's horn - taking the attack on his ribcage + 1| Defense: Moving farther to the right to avoid the buck - 1| Dropped attack: No mention of Crowley's shoulder attack. + 1| Attack: Flapping his wing at Crowley's face + 1| Counter-attack: Trying to kick Talbot off of his wing + 1| Attack: Biting at Talbot. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow. CROWLEY -- post 2 [Realism] - 1| Dropped attack: No mention of Levi's wing trying to hit Crowley - 1| Dropped attack: No mention of Levi's kick towards Talbot + 1| Injury: Levi's bite to Talbot + 1| Attack: Horn attack to the lower part of Levi's right side. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow. LEVI -- post 3 [Realism] - 1| Counter-Attack: Levi quickly twisted his butt so that he was facing Crowley, rearing backwards flailing his front hooves hoping to knock Crowley wherever he could. . I don't understand this at all - Levi was already running straight at Crowley, what do you mean he twisted? There is also no mention of slowing down, so that he had time to rear - all of a sudden he's running towards Crowley, and then rearing. It also isn't realistic for a horse to rear, if their opponent has a horn. Exposing his unprotected stomach (and organs) to an opponent with two horns charging at you, doesn't make sense. + 1| Injury: Crowley's horn to Levi's stomach. 0| Attack: Body slamming Crowley's right side - which side are you attacking with? If Levi was rearing and Crowley running past him after the horn attack, Levi would need to spin around to pursue him, but there's no mention of this. And if he is running after him, going the same direction (as I believe he would be, since you say that Levi "raced towards" Crowley - and if not, it would be PP to say that Crowley had turned around, when he hasn't yet), wouldn't Levi be using his nearly broken left wing? Wouldn't that hurt? - 1| Borderline Powerplay: If he missed, then he quickly opened his mouth, the grasp whatever he could, hoping to injure Crowley. - I'm assuming you meant to grasp whatever he could - which to me reads very declarative. + 1| Attack: Bite at Crowley [Prose] + 1| Emotion. - 1| Easy Read: Re-read your posts! A blood curling scream, pushed itself out of Talbot’s Pegasi thirsty mouth. - This doesn't make sense, and it's your opening line! There were also a number of spelling mistakes in this post. + 1| Flow. CROWLEY -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Levi's hooves to the top of his neck/withers + 1| Attack: Kicking out towards the right, at Levi. + 1| Injury: Levi's shoulder-attack to his right hip - I liked the visual of Crowley stumbling on the sands :P + 1| Injury: Levi's bite - 2| Powerplay: bite out of Levi's rump as he passed by - Ava did not write Levi as having run by Crowley. Yes, you have Crowley stop, but maybe Levi is able to stop just as quickly, and doesn't go past. + 1| Attack: Bite towards Levi's rump [Prose] + 1| Emotion. he never found himself building stamina as much as a soldier might. + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow. LEVI -- post 4 [Realism] 0| Injury: I assume the damage done to Levi's knee was from Crowley's kick? But you don't mention it. Crowley's kick was meant to come before Levi's shoulder attack, if this is the attack you're referring to, you write it as coming after. + 1| Injury: Crowley's bite. - 1| Attack: Levi's magic is not capable of making something this large - he can only make one structure that is horse sized - 7 inches wide and taller than Levi, is larger than horse-size. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow: - 1| Easy Read: Lots of typo's made this awkward and difficult to read, such as: At that moment, Levi closed his eyes as his clenched his hooves into the desert floor. or Flesh and bone were compacted together as his shoulder met Crowley’s left hip - because you aimed for Crowleys right hip, and that's where Dingo took the damage. CROWLEY -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Attack: Talbot running to Levi's left side, to attack his neck. + 1| Defense: Turning his hind-end into the wall of sand. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow. LEVI -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] - 2| Powerplay: Inflicting an attack your opponent did not give: Talbot did not employ acid in this attack. CROWLEY [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison. + 2| Surroundings: I like how both Crowley and Talbot were aware of the sands - Crowley finding purchase hard at times, and Talbot being able to move with less sound. [Injuries] + 1| Least Injured. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Great fight! Just be careful that you are responding to all of your opponent's attacks. LEVI [Bonus] + 1| Breed Comparison. + 1| Surroundings. [Injuries] - 2| Broken Bone: Survival of broken bones are slim, so it's best to be avoided. Broken bones also hinder many options when fighting, heavily reducing chances to win. Fractures or even bruised bones are better choices. Avoid broken legs, ribs or joints. The hip and shoulder are very strong, and should really never be broken. Injured Organ (Tracheae): No organ is an ideal choice to wound, especially as an injured organ only causes a downward spiral of bad things to happen. Death is likely eventual. I applaud you for taking damage to Levi, but at times I think you went too far. In this fight, you sustained a potentially broken left wing, a slice from Levi's chest to stomach, and a possibly crushed trachea. All of those things would leave Levi hard pressed to attack, and yet he's running around and attacking just the same. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Re-read your posts! Through out there were a number of spelling and grammar mistakes which made your posts difficult to read, and difficult for your opponent to reply to. You also did not post a word count either. TOTAL Crowley- 73 Levi- 53 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
