.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
09-07-2013, 08:26 PM
- - - - - By my verdict DEIMOS is the winner. Deimos recieves 1 VP and unlocks the Battle Buff DANCE ANDROMEDA -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Attempting to strike Deimos' back with her hooves + 1| Attack: Bite to his horn. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read DEIMOS -- post 1 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Dodging to the left - taking her hooves to his right shoulder. + 1| Injury: Bite to the right side of his face + 1| Attack: Deimos' right shoulder to Andromeda's left + 1| Attack: Horn attack to the left side of her neck. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read ANDROMEDA -- post 2 [Realism] 0| Injury: Deimos' shoulder pushing her right, no mention of pain. - 1| Defense: The fall + rolling away to avoid his horn. I found it unlikely that, even unbalanced, that Deimos would be able to push her over. Regardless, a 16.1 hand creature with wings, would not be able to simply roll away with any sort of speed. I haven't read ahead to see what Deimos does next - but if you've see horses roll before, you know that it isn't a quick process, much less rolling twice. In that time, Deimos could easily kick at her neck and head, or stab her with his horn. + 1| Attack: Charging into his right side with her right wing. + 1| Attack: Bite to the spine + 1| Attack: Tail flick to his face + 1| Previous Experience: Recalling the spar with Murdock. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: I liked this line: It surprises her, the rage in her voice, and she wonders apprehensively if always she had this raw brutality inside her, so unlike her quiet self. + 1| Flow. - 1| Easy Read: Lines like this were confusing to ram his right shoulder (her left) with her right wing - her left, what? I think you meant that it was straight on, but she would be veering slightly to the the left, in order for their right sides to meet, but as this sentence had to do with where they would collide, it was confusing. Also this: with her right wing, which could throw a good buffet when needed - is her wing open? Closed? DEIMOS -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Previous Experience: Recalling the lighting in other spars. + 1| Defense: Moving to the left - taking her wing to his haunches, instead of shoulder. + 1| Injury: Bite to his hind end. + 1| Injury: Tail to his face. + 1| Attack: Spinning and trying to slash her right hind end + 1| Attack: Magic attack. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read ANDROMEDA -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Deimos' horn to her right hind end + 1| Injury: Fall from Deimos' magic. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read ANDROMEDA [Bonus] + 1| Breed Comparison. + 2| Surroundings. [Injuries] - 2| Broken Bones/Fainting in battle: Deimos magic: Drains energy from opponent, approximately the amount used in one fight post, and can also revitalize Deimos by the same amount. I'm really not sure (especially in the middle of an Invasion) you decided to have Andromeda take this attack so hard. You describe her lift off as being fairly unsuccessful - yet you act like a 5-6 foot fall would be devastating - although I imagine her falling back down directly on her hooves, not on her back in such a way as to crush her wings. I've seen eventing horses get caught up and crash from heights that high, so I don't think it would have been unreasonable to have her continue, which is why her fully passing out seemed uncalled for. Taking injury is great in fights, but this many broken bones/fainting would be a death sentence. [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Really great fight, until Andromeda's final crash. I really like that you incorporated the fact that others would have been fighting around them, as well as using the darkness to Andromeda's advantage. DEIMOS [Bonus] + 1| Breed Comparison. + 1| Surroundings. [Injuries] + 1| Least Injured [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: Deimos is so beautiful to read, and many times I found myself thinking "Oh no!" when I would read his attacks :P Really great writing! TOTAL Andromeda- 65 Deimos- 69 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
