GAUCHO
Realism [+3]
I think that you took a little too much damage in your last post and docked a full point for this. A 6inch long by 2inch deep slice from a horn would bleed quite a bit, while the damage rolled was only an 8. Otherwise, I think you did fairly well translating the damage roll to actual injuries. I also noticed that Gaucho was rearing to try and attack Tinek as he was flying away. While I can understand his connection to Mara, I have a hard time believing that a well-trained warrior who is used to fighting pegasi would waste energy, especially when he’s already severely injured, in trying to rear at something flying away.


Emotion [+1]
You did a thorough job explaining Gaucho’s changing motivations for fighting throughout, but I felt that some posts were more lacking than others. Mara’s emotions playing into the fight were an excellent touch and I liked how they influenced the battle.


Prose [+4]
I especially loved the sections where Gaucho was watching Ophelia as she walked away from him. You did a good job switching from past memories to the present spar while maintaining clarity. There was a lot of humor laced in, which was also enjoyable to read. I think adding more mention of how Ophelia's size and species were influencing Gaucho's strategies would have helped involved me more in the fight.


Readability [+3]
Everything was very easy to read and little to no mistakes.

Finally tally: 30+11 = 41 HP


OPHELIA
Realism [+4]
Tinek’s reactions were especially well incorporated into the spar. I felt like his motivations for trying to protect his bonded, even against her wishes, were very true to his character. Overall, I think you did an excellent job judging translating damage values to actual damage. I was impressed by Ophelia's reaction to Mara's poison, and your willingness acknowledge her weakness against it. I thought you had a good grasp of how the snake bite would have incapacitated her.


Emotion [+2]
Everything about Ophelia was emotion and the chemistry between her and Tinek was obvious. Very well done, I was left sorely disappointed that the fight was not finished as I was eager to read more.


Prose [+4]
There one small instance of confusing switching back and forth from past to present tense in post 1. Otherwise, everything looked very good. There were some beautiful sections about Ophelia’s thoughts, feelings, etc. I felt like you handled those very well and intermingled her memories of her friends with her feelings on the current spar with ease. Additionally, I liked how you were aware of the surroundings and used them to Ophelia and Tinek’s advantage and disadvantage (Ophelia’s hoof slipping off the edge).


Readability [+2]
“Ophelia parted her lips to speak her questions of confusion, but she did have the time before thundering hooves came running at her form.” Should be didn’t have time.
“The snake in his antlers could be a problem, so he pulled up from the dive and did an aerial roll try and reach Gaucho's behind.” Missing a to.
“A rage the boiled white hot filled his veins…” Should be that boiled.
There were two or three other instances of dropped words or letters as well. Don’t forget to do a careful read-through before posting! Poorly reviewed posts can indicate a lack of interest and proper spelling is important for all posts (not just spars!). Otherwise, everything was easy to read and follow.

Finally tally: 9+12 = 21 HP