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11-03-2013, 10:41 PM
By my verdict: OLIVER is the winner!
Oliver receives 1 VP and takes Felix as his prisoner. For clarity due to the timeline, Felix may continue to respond to threads which have already been started. Other than those, standard challenge rules apply, and Felix must post with Oliver until freed.
Oliver receives 1 VP and takes Felix as his prisoner. For clarity due to the timeline, Felix may continue to respond to threads which have already been started. Other than those, standard challenge rules apply, and Felix must post with Oliver until freed.
OLIVER
Realism [0]
- Powerplay: Finally, he hit me. I didn't dare look at my chest to scan for possible injuries now that a fight was underway. In Felix's attack, it specifically says that he tries to fly over and above Oliver, without hitting him. By taking an injury that was not written, you are imposing this attack on your opponent.
- I really like how you mentioned that because of the stars, Oliver could still sort of see where Felix was, when he was flying.
- I taunted right before I would hit him (if he hadn't moved, or gotten up.) This is going to make it really hard for your opponent to respond to. Is Oliver going to try and hit him with his hooves (since he's using his wings now)? Will he run straight into him? Dodge to one side and use his shoulder?
- Dropped attack - no mention of the fact that once Felix landed (after flying into Oliver's buck), then he too bucked towards Oliver's side.
- In your fourth attack, you some how dodge the hit to the shoulder, but take the kick? That doesn't seem as realistic to me. Any amount Oliver could have moved to evade the shoulder-attack, would also have lended itself to evading the kick. Regardless, it seems less realistic that instead of taking that injury, Oliver randomly injured himself by trotting forwards, especially since you don't give any indication as to how this happened.
Emotion [-1]
The emotion in this challenge was really confusing. Oliver doesn't even know Felix, he just decided to challenge the first horse to come into contact with him? It seems weird then, that he was so hostile both in how you described him, as well as what he verbally said. After the first post or so, most of the emotion dropped off. In some of your posts you didn't even use half of the word-count allowed, and it really impacted this section of the fight.
Prose [-3]
- The most I knew was that I could serious damage to a horse, small or big..
- First they were in front, than behind, than on my side
- Perhaps if I couldn't get him, I'd get someone close to him, then just maybe I would let the one he loves, for himself
-etc. There were spelling and grammar mistakes in each of your posts, which made things very difficult to read.
Readability [-2]
There were times that you dropped attacks, misinterpreted your opponents attack and took injury where there shouldn't have been any, or spontaneously took injury when there wasn't a reason. I had to re-read each of your posts, because they read really rushed to me, and I had a hard time understand what it was that Oliver was doing.
Finally tally: 15HP - 6 = 9HP
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FELIX
Realism [3]
- This attack didn't seem realistic to me: turning on the spot and hoping Oliver's head. You've described Felix as taking two serious injuries now. He just fell from the sky, bucked, and is now immediately turning on the spot? I know he's meant to be agile, but this struck me as written far too quick. Also, the added on attack in your separate post was not read, nor counted.
- No mention of the fact that in Oliver's 3rd post, he bucks twice and then tries to strike Felix with his front legs. Although you write him as dodging away from the first attack, there's no mention of the second. Always ensure you're responding to your opponent's attacks, so that both your opponent and the judge, knows how you intended your character to take them.
- I really liked Felix tripping in a small hole - and how you wrote him thinking about
it!
Emotion [1]
This was just 'eh' for me, in terms of emotion. I mean, you come upon someone brand new, and just randomly attack? From his profile, and especially since you said his brother wasn't there, him attacking seemed unlikely. But regardless, it definitely seemed to me, based on his character, that once Oliver got really intense, he would have high-tailed it away. Or at least thought WTF AM I DOING HERE. I SHOULD RUN AWAY.
Prose [2]
- I think you meant 'spun his' -- the lithe stallion span is whole body to the right
Readability [1]
- I understand that you were trying to be specific with this one, but this was confusing : As it was, it was the muscles over the coccygeal bone that were struck and he felt a sharp stabbing pain in the base of his tail. Not only is the "Coccygeal" bone not listed on any of the anatomy guides that Helovia offers, it doesn't come up as the first hit on google. As a general rule, if it isn't 'common knowledge' and/or doesn't appear in Helovia's guides, don't use it.
- The rules specifically state: Please include post count in your fighting posts, so that judges can easily keep track - you failed to include this in more than one post.
- head on in an attempt to ram his right, uninjured shoulder into the left shoulder of his opponent -- If you're running head on, you wouldn't be able to hit his left shoulder with your right.
Finally tally: 0 + 7= 7HP
