"Where brilliance is good and madness is better..."
Helovia Info
Helovia opened in February 2012! We are an active fantasy equine RPG
Where once the world narrowed into naught but gray dust and desolation, the gods called for life. Wielding the elements of fire and light, dark and wind, earth and water, spark and time, they have created Helovia. The realm is set within the mythical globe of Loorien, a planet rich with all variety of creatures and blessed with all manner of magic. Originally populated by nomadic, tribal characters, they've since grown into massive empires saturated with culture and history. Separated into four distinct segments of Helovia, called "The Regions," each band of horse strong enough and capable enough, took up the power and responsibility of leadership. Unicorns, old, wise and mysterious, took to the north, hidden in forests of mists and shadows and rarely making themselves known beyond their cliffs of the World's Edge. Equines, vast, organized and militaristic, split into two, one group went north to the Windtossed Foothills and the other group went south to the Dragon's Throat. Pegasus remained nomadic, making their homes in various parts of The Wilds in a migratory manner. For many generations, the land was peaceful and calm, but peace was never the way of the gods. With a clash of argument, war and bloodshed massacred Helovia, and in the aftermath, the realm was eerily quiet. Now, as newcomers sweep into this land, they are met with the lingering bitterness of the gods and the struggle to reclaim what was lost. Nothing remains safe or certain while sorcerers and soldiers alike brood and bide their time for revenge, honor and glory.
Site Wide Plots
Kaos :: The Beginning of the End ☼ - 6/2017 - Kaos placed Helovia in a time-bubble for a short period of time, but the Helovian gods are fighting back. But Kaos is powerful- far more powerful than anyone thought. This may be the beginning of the end of Helovia as we know it.
Kisamoa :: A New Kind of Kaos ☼ - 3/2017 - Kisamoa asks Helovians to help him restore the Spectral Marsh. Which side will you choose?
Invasions :: All Out War ☼ - 5/2/16 - New layout and the brand new invasion rules are up! Thank you for your patience and we look forward to getting started with this new adventure.
The Rift :: Gods Do Die ☼ - 8/2015 - Helovia Gods are saving the Rift from corrupt gods! Can Helovians band together against these foreign deities?
The Literal Ship ☼ - 2/8/15 - Oh no! You have to pair up for Valentine's day!
Sky Island :: Murder ☼ - 10/25/14 - Vesta has been found dead on the island, and the gods have called to you to solve the murder!
Sky Island :: Peace ☼ - 7/7/14 - An island has appeared in the sky! Clouds carry Helovians from the Veins to the sky.
Restoration :: We Welcome the Dawn ☼ - 9/21/13 - The sun has finally risen on this day, giving the land new light, but the Time God and the Sun God have yet to be seen.
Endless Night :: Broken Magic Plot ☼ - 8/30/13 - The earth god has returned and is walking across Helovia to heal the land. Every area can now be considered lush and prosperous, but the sun has still not risen.
☼ - 7/19/13 - The moon has risen in the sky, heralding the return of the Goddess of the moon. Lamp trees which light the paths have grown brighter, moon flowers which grow in dark places have begun to grow and prosper and the world is brighter, filled with a new hope.
Endless Night :: Dead Magic Plot ☼ - 6/22/13 - The gods of Helovia, in order to protect the world, have disappeared into the rift, leaving the world sunless, moonless and magic-less in their absence. Only the herdlands have a source of light, but lamp-trees with glowing leaves and branches sporadically line the popular roads and paths from place to place.
Doppleganger Plot ☼ - 6/20/13 - The God of Time is still struggling to close the rift though which the dopplegangers have come. He has requested that his brothers and sister assist in closing this hole, but without knowing why it opened, the task is proving difficult. Magic still remains faulty and hard to control, but the herdlands continue to be places of refuge for those who are fortunate enough to call these lands home.
ORANGEMOON cools off the lands with a a viscious force. Colder than normal, a sign of things to come during Frostfall, Helovia is bathed in a rich tropical lushness - albiet a cold one. The coastlines of the Dragon's Throat are pelted constantly by tidal waves, and the desert climate is humid but chilly. Ice begins to form early in the Aurora Basin leaving the winding trails slick and dangerous. The mists of the World's Edge coat everything in a glistening crystalline shine which encourages mould to grow everywhere. The Spectral Marsh is the only area which remains fertile, blissfully temperature and lush.
Cotm
Character of the Month for
June, 2017
WEAVER, Corporal of the Aurora Basin, is a relatively recent addition to Helovia and has taken it by storm. Branded with the seal of Death on her chest, intrigue and interest follow both her past and present. Though she is assuredly beautiful, her sometimes sharp personality reveals that there is more to this uni-peg hybrid than meets the eye. Proving herself able on the battlefield in the Basin’s warrior ranks, we can’t wait to see her test her mettle against the looming Kaos happenings! Congratulations!
Helovia RPG was created by Tamme and Blu and coded by Tamme also known as Schwartze. All coding, palettes and imagery are copyrighted to the website and are not for use outside of Helovia. Thank you to our ServerMaster for hosting Helovia. A special thanks goes to Neo for all of her coding help and fixing Tamme's errors, Boom, for her loyal service and creation of the Time God, and to Ali for her consistent contributions and dedication.
02-13-2013, 12:47 PM (This post was last modified: 02-26-2013, 08:02 PM by Official.)
GAUCHO </style>
With fire to keep us warm & tools we made from rocks and bones </style>
Alone.
Gaucho was usually alone. He had never really found anyone who was willing to spend extended amounts of time around him. His primitive speech combined with his warrior's mentality made him a rather odd friend; that being said, it wasn't as though Gaucho really went out of his way to build relationships. He was a warrior at heart, and valued the protection of his herd and family above all else. He was most himself, most at ease during battle. Perhaps that's why the bay sought out spars, rather than friends.
The meadow was alive with iridescent light as the hush of twilight rained down from the stars. Gaucho's bay-body was now awash with hints of blue and green as the grassy field reflected dully against him. The night was silent, for it was far past even the hours that lovers would secretly meet, and still too early for the earlier-risers to be up. His thick black wings were folded neatly to his sides, as he walked alertly through the meadow, nostrils flaring every few steps. His ears were pricked forward, steely blue-gray eyes surveying the area for hidden signs of life.
Gaucho tossed his antlered brow, suddenly feeling frisky as the novelty of having the field completely to himself sunk in. Snapping his thick tail against his hocks, he squealed challengingly, hoping to draw someone to him for a midnight spar. Spinning on his hindquarters nimbly, the large bay grunted, tossing his head once again at the face of the moon, high in the sky. He hoped someone would come - the air was still and a pleasant temperature. Unlike the humidity of the day, the evening here in the field was cool and crisp.
[800 wc max. 2 attacks, 1 defence. Magic allowed. Since I posted first, you will have the first attack, and a closing defence. Gaucho will be using the battle buff Endure.
Setting: Thistle Meadow at Midnight. Gaucho is in the centre of the field.]
I was approaching these fields at dusk, where night was silently creeping upon the horses of Helovia. I was in search of maybe someone to speak to, or maybe even rough house with. In the distance, I heard a challenging masculine squeal ring out through the endless fields. With the moon's light guiding me, and the stars twinkling, I felt an urge to go face the challenger. I was in the mood for a fight, especially with the cooler air that didn't tire me out as quick as the hot, humid air through out the day. As I approached the challenger, I saw a shape in the field. I smiled to myself. I saw this horse, and I was ready to commence the fight.
I started galloping at a fast pace towards him, not even trying to disguise the fact I was approaching on him. By the outline of wings, I realized that this was a pegasus that I was going up against. He was dead in the middle of the field, and I knew it would give me more of an advantage. The field was spacious, and there would be more room to fight. Although if he had to fly away from my grasp, trees wouldn't be blocking his escape routes. I didn't mind though. This wasn't supposed to be a fight to the death, but merely a friendly spar. When I finally arrived to the challenger, I turned around in a circle to face him. Our faces were just a few feet apart, and if any one of us decided to lash out, they would be in reaching range. "Hello there. I am Arrane", I said respectfully. I knew this male pegasus called out for a challenge, so that was what I would give him.
Almost like a flash, I reared up on my hind legs, giving no indication that I was going to do so in the first place. I settled myself back down on the ground. The rearing up was sort of a warm up. I smiled slyly to myself. The pegasus was huge, and seemed brutish. I knew I would enjoy this fight very much. I circled around to his right flank, and reared up on my hind legs, and intending to bring them down on his right flank. I had another tricky plan in mind, hoping that this would maybe unsettle my opponent.
Attack 1/2
Defense 0/1
Arrane meets up to Guacho, rearing up on his hind legs for intimidation. Then he circles to the right of Guacho, rearing up again, hoping to hit his right flank.
02-13-2013, 03:34 PM (This post was last modified: 02-13-2013, 03:35 PM by Gaucho.)
GAUCHO </style>
With fire to keep us warm & tools we made from rocks and bones </style>
Gaucho watched with a flat, dead stare as the white equine approached. It was possible that his coat was marred by some other colour, but given the de-saturated light, it was hard to tell. Besides, Gaucho's colour-vocabulary wasn't that extensive; he just looked white. He was clearly an arabian - his delicate and dished face giving away his lineage immediately, and he stood a few inches shorter than Gaucho. As he raced towards the brute, Gaucho momentarily considered charging towards him as well - in his minds-eye he pictured their bodies crashing together, his teeth tearing into that white flesh, and his dinner-plate sized hooves crunching down on those lovely slender bones. It was a tantalizing thought, one that made the bay's muscles tense, and his hooves dance on the spot as he anxiously waited for his opponent to near.
As the new-comer introduced himself, Gaucho merely grunted; he didn't care for names. If the stallion sparred with him well, perhaps then he would go through the trouble of remembering what he called himself. As he didn't smell of the Throat, Gaucho decided that there was little else of importance he needed to know about the white steed, before the spar began. Spreading his enormous black wings, Gaucho drew himself up to his full height, and snorted menacingly down at the arabian.
As Arrane reared, Gaucho pinned his ears back to his skull, flashing his teeth viciously as he opened his maw in a wide snarl. From within the very bowels of his soul, he could feel it. Azzuen's magic; or so he had come to think of it. It was the magic which was bestowed on the group of mourners who attended Azzuen's funeral, and it now stirred within his belly, furiously demanding to be let out. With a loud neigh, a wind seemed to erupt from nowhere, spinning into a tight windstorm. The gale moved directly towards Arrane, as the white stallion moved towards Gaucho's right flank. In a split second, his mind calculated where his best odds lay: Hopefully being disoriented by the windstorm plus the time it would take the stallion to rear, would given Gaucho time to either pivot to attack with his antlers, or turn the opposite direction and buck. Given the height differences between the two, instinctively Gaucho felt his considerable rump could take the beating better.
As Arrane reared, Gaucho let himself be pulled by the windstorm, spinning his hind end to the right, perpendicular to the rearing stallion. Bucking towards Arrane's exposed belly, Gaucho aimed squarely for his gut, firing both hind legs out simultaneously. With a grunt of pain, he felt Arrane's hooves drag down the back of his thighs as his legs snapped back to his body. As his back hooves hit the ground again, Gaucho bucked once more, aiming for Arrane's chest or his face of he was stupid enough to have lower it once he landed, assuming that he was still behind him.
[Summary: Gaucho calls forth a small wind storm as Arrane moves to his right flank and rears. Spinning his hind end towards the rearing stallion, Gaucho bucks at his stomach. Arrane's hooves scrape down Gaucho's thighs, and as Gaucho's hooves land on the ground, he bucks again towards Arrane's chest.
Attack: 1/2 Magic use 1/2: Sends a windstorm towards Arrane. Bucks x 2
The male only responded to me with a grunt, but I didn't mind. He called for a fight, and I was going to give him one. After rearing up on my hind legs, to give him my full extent, he gave out a menacing growl, and with outstretched wings, he reared up on his legs and snorted menacingly to me. I've never fought a pegasus before, so this must be an interesting experience. Despite the fact that he reared himself to full height, he didn't really intimidate me despite his brutish look. I just devilishly smiled towards him. He towered over me.
As I reared to hit him, he flattened his ears against his bony skull, baring his teeth at me. I no longer was the kind heart. I was in a middle of a battle, and all my senses felt heightened. My eyes were narrowed, and my face turned from a face of humor, to that of a focused strategist. He let out a neigh, and out of nowhere a blast of wind was all that I felt. I slightly felt unbalanced, and wobbled a little bit. What? I felt it now. He was using magic. This put him at an incredible advantage, that I would have to over come. As I was rearing up, he turned perpendicular to me, and flashed out his legs to my exposed belly. Unbalanced, and slightly confused, I didn't have enough time to pivot away as his hooves raked down my belly. "Oof!" I said as I felt my breath being knocked out of me. Even though he managed in kicking my stomach, while his legs were coming back down, I felt my legs scrape down the back of his thighs. I smiled at the thought of doing so. As I was coming back down though, I saw him begin to lash out his legs again.
Instinctively, I turned away from the lashing out, trying to back up at the same time, resulting in myself stumbling away from the lash. Even though I turned away from his sharp hooves, I still felt them clip my neck. A whinny of rage and pain escaped my lips as I felt his hooves rake my chest. I turned to angrily face him again. He had magic on his side, so I would have to choose what I did, quickly. As soon as I regained my balance, from quickly placing my feet back in place, ignoring the pain, I charged at him from behind, then coming up from his left flank trying to knock my body against his so that he would probably stumble or loose balance. After trying to knock my body against his, I quickly turned around, with my rump facing forward and my head close to his hind quarters, I aimed a kick towards his knee, hoping to knock him forward, while trying to aim a bite at his hind leg.
Summary: After Arrane starts to rear, the magic slightly unbalances him, and confuses him, resulting with Guacho knocking the air out of him with a well balanced quick towards the exposed underbelly. After raking down his sides, Guacho aims another quick, but Arrane knows he is going to do it, but he is too late to move out of the way completely. Guacho's hooves clip Arrane in the chest. Arrane then, regaining balance, runs up, and tries to barrel his side into Guacho's to see if he can make him stumble. He then quickly turns around, so that he his facing Guacho's hindquarters, and aims a kick for his knee, intending for him to fall, and tries to aim a bite towards his hindquarter.
02-16-2013, 09:01 PM (This post was last modified: 02-16-2013, 09:05 PM by Gaucho.)
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave can you make it shallow? So that I can feel the rain..
As Gaucho’s hooves struck into Arrane’s soft belly, a sensation of pleasure wafted through the bay. Perhaps he should have been restraining himself a little more than he was; this was only a spar after all, and ought to be a friendly one, even if he didn’t know this stallion. Yet as the white stallion emitted a cry of pain, Gaucho could feel the blood lust welling inside of him. It was so hard to resist, and yet Gaucho knew that a well-timed blow could seriously injure this fellow. Gritting his teeth together, as if the clenching of his jaw would satisfy his need for flesh, he forced Arrane’s gasp of pain from his mind.
As Gaucho’s hind hooves struck the ground, only to be immediately re-deployed, the beast could tell that Arrane had been smart enough to move back at least a step, as the contact wasn’t as immediate as it could have been: But it was still there. Deliciously, he felt his hooves strike against the stallion’s neck, and down to his chest. The cry of pain only re-affirmed that Gaucho was not playing as nicely as he could be.
Out of the corner of his steely gaze, Gaucho saw movement as his hind-hooves once again touched back to the ground. In a whir of white amidst the sea of night-time hues, he perceived Arrane charging up his left side. As Gaucho raised an antlered brow, straightening himself from his bucking-position, he felt the stallion’s slender body slam into his. Given Gaucho’s height, build, and the addition of wings, he was far heavier than Arrane, and yet no so much so that having another stallion knock into him, didn’t cause an impact. With a grunt as the lungful of air within him was expelled, he felt Arrane’s body connect with his shoulder, causing him to take a step to the right to compensate for the momentum.
As Arrane swung his body around, making himself parallel with Gaucho, yet facing the opposite direction, the bay pinned his ears back angrily. He assumed the stallion was going to buck, or at least kick - why else point that lily-white ass in his face? Rearing up to avoid the legs that he felt would soon be flying, Gaucho twisted slightly in the air to the left, and leaned in, to try and slam his barrel into Arrane’s flank. It might have ended there - Gaucho might have simply let the stallion knock into him with retaliation; he was supposed to be going-easy, after all. But as he moved, he watched the arabian’s leg jut out, kicking where Gaucho’s knee had only been moments ago. Enraged, he threw more of his weight to the left, hoping to knock the stallion off balance given that he was already only on three legs. With a squeal of pain, Gaucho felt teeth digging into the flesh of his thigh, already sore from Arrane’s hooves, gripping hard enough to draw blood. Fuck it he thought - or whatever the primitive equivalent would be.
Feeling the stirring of his magic swell as his blood oozed, 3 spirit-wolves flowed from his antlers, circling around in the air they fanned around the front of Arrane, before finally touching the ground. Snarling, they snapped their jaws and barked eerie challenges as their ethereal bodies tensed. They moved closer to the white stallion, trying to block him from moving ahead with their bodies. As Gaucho’s body began to return to the ground from his rear, he tucked his chin in, hoping to scrape his antlers alongside the white stallions left stifle as he descended. Hooves back on the ground, Gaucho tried to shove into the stallion one last time, leading with his left shoulder, aiming to hit Arrane’s left flank. (Either hitting him or not..) Gaucho turned sharply to the right with a grunt of effort - his croup was sore from where Arrane’s hooves had scraped down, and his left hip already felt swollen and bruised from the bite. Trotting a circle to the right, Gaucho grunted, tossing his antlered head defiantly as he looked down at the white stallion, his steely gaze full of contempt due to the bite on his thigh.
As the commotion ceased, Gaucho noticed that he was not breathing as hard as he once had - all of his recent sparring had conditioned his body better than he had previously noticed. Sparring at night had been a pleasurable change of pace, as well. Curtly, he nodded to Arrane, nostrils flaring. "I am Gaucho." He mumbled, by way of introduction, and farewell.
[Summary - Steps to the right as Arrane knocks into him. He rears to avoid the kick he knows is coming, but takes the bit to the thigh, drawing blood. He uses his magic to call forth 3 wolves which stand in front of Arrane. Gaucho twists in midair to try and knock into Arrane, and tries to scrape his left flank on his way down. Shoulder-checking him one last time for good measure, Gaucho moves away.
Attack 2/2: Mid-air body check, antler scrape, spirit-wolves, and shoulder check. ]
I felt Gaucho tense up beside, me eager and battle hungry. I felt myself smile in anticipation. As I rammed him from the side, I felt happier when I heard a grunt, as the air was knocked out of him. He didn't budge as much though, since he only took about one step. Anger swelled up in me, but I didn't let it take control. Rational thinking was the way to win a battle. I knew my ram wouldn't pay off that well, since he had the advantage of being bigger. He had wings, antlers, and more muscle. But maybe I had a chance with my intelligence.
As my legs jutted out to try to catch his knee, enraged, Gaucho reared up on his hind legs, slightly swerving to the left. I anticipated it. I knew he was going to try to hit me. He moved more towards the left to knock me from my spot, and I tensed up my legs awaiting the blow he was to give me. He barreled into me and slightly knocked me off balance, but I still felt my teeth grip his thigh hard enough to slightly make him bleed. I smiled. This was great. I heard his pained, and enraged squeal, as I nearly laughed it off. As Gaucho was descending, I saw a sort of white mist emerge from Gaucho's antlers. What? I looked at his antlers in confusion, showing no fear on my face, but inside my blood was churning. What was it that he was summoning? Three snarling wolves emerged from his antlers, snarling and snapping at me, making me nearly unable to avoid Gaucho's antlers scraping my left flank. I let out an enraged whinny, and I felt his body slam into mine.
I was too confused to know what was happening, with the ghostly wolves, and Gaucho's fast movements, that I felt myself stumbling all over myself. Embarrassment flooded over me. I looked up at Gaucho with his steely, rebellious gaze. He turned around to face me, and I heard him mumble out his name and leave. I regained my balance and watched him. "Farewell, Gaucho", I said, with a smile on my face.
occ: Nice spar! (Still inexperienced! XD )
Summary: Gaucho knocks into Arrane, while he is confused by the wolves, scraping him with his antlers. As he shoulder checks him, Arrane stumbles, and watches him as he leaves.
G a u c h o | A r r a n e
- - - - - By my verdict GAUCHO is the winner.
Gaucho has been awarded one VP and has unlocked the battle buff bulk. Now that you have more than two buffs, please specify which you are using.
Please note that we had to readjust your VP after the ruling of teaching spars was altered.
ARRANE -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism] + 1| Intimidation tactic: I like that you had him rear up, though you may want to avoid such wording as "like a flash". Unless he has time magic, I doubt it would really be this fast. nothing wrong it it in theory, though. - 1| Attack: Rearing at Gaucho's hind end. There was a lot wrong with this attack, so I'll unpack it. This attack post is written as though Gaucho hasn't moved, even in the face of a threat. That doesn't make much logical sense, as horses are naturally flighty creatures and Gaucho is the sort that would probably get impatient and start attacking anyway. Also, please keep in mind that horses are usually really easily unbalanced during most of the rear, as their centers of gravity are thrown off. Rearing at an area that Gaucho can just kick out at is risky, and should be avoided. Without the rear, it is usually unwise to stand at the back of a horse anyway. They kick without much warning or necessity. :P
[Prose] + 1| Easy Read + 1| Flow: You're barely scraping by on this one, as a lot of your sentences are choppy! Some transition words would help a lot. :) 0| Emotion: Very dry. You had a lot of surrounding detail (which is great), but you missed out on Arrane. I felt nothing personal or unique from him that would make this Arrane aside from her introduction. GAUCHO -- post 1
[Realism] + 1| Attack: Windstorm to try and disorient Arrane. + 1| Defense: Using the windstorm to speed Gaucho's turn to redirect the attack from Arrane, taking it instead on the back of the thighs. + 1| Attack: Bucking at Arrane's exposed stomach during the rear. + 1| Attack: Bucking once more at Arrane's chest when he would have been on the ground. "Assuming that he was still behind him." -- This clause saved you, to be honest. Awesome addition.
[Realism] 0| This is really a side note, since it doesn't affect the fight at all. However, I wanted to point out that you misread your opponent's post. "...with outstretched wings, he reared up on his legs and snorted menacingly to me." Gaucho is not rearing here, he was simply rising into a tensed position. He's a large horse, so he doesn't have to rear to be intimidatingly large. Be sure to read carefully, for had this been interpreted as an attack instead, it would have lost you points. 0| Defense: Being unbalanced by the wind. While this is good and realistic, you just mention that Arrane is unbalanced but do not go into further detail. How is he unbalanced? Are his steps thrown off? How does this affect his movement? 0| Injury: You do a good job to mention pain as Gaucho's hooves hit the belly, and while a buck would certainly unbalance most horses, Gaucho already placed Arrane's attack landing, so you couldn't very well depict him being knocked over. My main issue here is that you failed to describe the injury at all. I think it is realistic how you took the attack in this circumstance, but more detail next time! + 1| Defense: stumbling away from the kick. This was actually a great call. I loved that you made it sloppy and instinctual instead of relying upon "cat like reflexes" like some people are apt to during fights. 0 | Injury: this injury was good at first. You mention details, pain, location, and it is taken realistically. However, in the next couple of sentences you change the attack from a nick on the neck to "raking down the chest", so I was a little uncertain if you were continuing the attack or misreading your opponent's post. + 1| Attack: Ramming at Gaucho's side. Nothing wrong with this one. 0 | Attack: Turning to kick at Gaucho's knee. This attack was nonoptimal. While you mentioned enough details, I am confused why you would turn around to kick at a front leg instead of just kicking out right away toward his back legs or cowkicking toward his side. It would have made more sense. Even if Gaucho stumbles from being rammed into, I think he will still be able to move forward enough to get out of range of his knee being hit by the time Arrane turns around. Arrane could have bit at his neck or cheek after, or even a foreleg. + 1| Attack: Biting at the backleg.
[Realism] 0| "Given Gaucho’s height, build, and the addition of wings, he was far heavier than Arrane, and yet no so much so that having another stallion knock into him, didn’t cause an impact." -- This is the starting point for my cause of the taking off for easy read. I just wanted to put this here because it appeared first, and I wanted you to get a good example of what I was talking about. This sentence is one of many in this post that is written in a confusing manner from an organizational standpoint. There are too many conjunctions, and it's really just too wordy. It's easy to get wordy, but just re-read. This sentence easily could have become "Given Gaucho's height, build, and the addition of wings, he was far heavier than Arrane, yet the slender stallion still caused quite the impact." + 1| Defense: moving to the right upon impact. + 1| Defense: Rearing to escape the kick. - 1| Attack: Given the difference in height, especially with Gaucho rearing, and the fact that Arrane is aiming for Gaucho's knee, I feel like this would be bringing his ribs directly into the kick and not the flank. I would have rather seen this rear go in the opposite direction away from hooves. - 2| Powerplay: "Enraged, he threw more of his weight to the left, hoping to knock the stallion off balance given that he was already only on three legs." -- Nowhere in your opponents post does it say Arrane is standing on 3 legs. Arrane does not kick out with just one leg or does not give you enough information to even assume that he is. Normally, horses do not just kick out with one leg but two. This assumes how your opponent is standing and is powerplay. + 1| Injury: realistic handling of the bite. + 1| Attack: trying to scrape down Arrane's hip with his antlers. + 1| Attack: Ramming toward Arrane's flank. - 1| Inconsistent injury: "Gaucho felt teeth digging into the flesh of his thigh" and then... "...his left hip already felt swollen and bruised from the bite." and then... "...his steely gaze full of contempt due to the bite on his thigh." Which is it? Hip and thigh are not interchangeable places on a horse, just like you wouldn't refer to your pelvis as your thigh.
[Prose] + 1| Flow + 1| Emotion - 1| Ease of read: this post was confusing, with a lot of poorly worded sentences, mixed injuries, powerplay, and confusion of time frame around the rear and kick. I had a difficult time getthing through it. ARRANE -- post 3 (defense only)
[Realism] 0| Defense: No mention of pain or injury caused by Gaucho knocking into him. I did like that you mention being unbalanced. I cut you some slack for this one since the attack was written in a confusing manner, and I do not believe it was a fault of yours that maybe caused you to misinterpret it. - 1| Defense: No mention of how you evade the antler scraping, you just say the wolves distracted you into being "almost unable to avoid it". - 1| Defense: No mention of pain or injury caused by Gaucho ramming into Arrane, nor even where it lands or how it lands. ARRANE
[Bonus] + 1| Surroundings: You started out your opening attack post with a very clear sense of the surroundings.
[Injuries]
None
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: All in all, I think you did really well considering how much more experienced of a fighter Gaucho is in comparison. You need to work on your flow, using some transition words really helps! You had good emotion in your posts, for the most part, and I always knew what you were attempting to do, even if I did not agree with your logic. I would work on taking damage, describing the injuries and pain. Be sure you specify where you are aiming, where you take hits - be OVERLY descriptive if necessary. It's better than having points taken off! I look forward to seeing you improve! GAUCHO
[Bonus] + 1| Breed comparison: You kept Gaucho's breed in mind, and his body type was used against Arrane in an effective manner.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: You started out strong, but your second post was an absolute mess. Be sure to keep track of injuries, and do not change the names for them. Arrane only bit Gaucho once, yet from the way you described it, I thought for sure that Gaucho had been bitten twice. Also, you had some misinterpretation of your opponent. When it comes to opponents leaving out the direction they attack from, you have some leniency to decide for them, since where you take the hit is ultimately up to you. However, you absolutely cannot determine the position of your opponent as you are attacking them. Be sure to read your posts and take out overly wordy sentences. Keep up the good work! TOTAL
Arrane - 57
Gaucho - 60