I had finally left behind the wasteland and heat. So many seasons after I fought that hellish lizardzilla I finally found grass underneath my hooves, and trees that reached above me, tall and fragrant and all that good mess. It was epic, let me tell you. I didn’t know how much I missed this temperate kind of climate, but now I’m here, and my chest is aching in all sorts of beautiful ways that I can’t…I can’t even, okay.

Yeah, I ran here. It’s what I do—I run, and I think, and I run some more. The sun was up; the void in the universe was gone, and that could only mean Daddy and the Other Gods were back in action. I…still didn’t know how to feel about that. Okay, sure, the weight of the world was off my shoulders for a time, but the idea of facing my father scared the ever living shit out of me. I’m not even ashamed to admit that; my father, the all-powerful master of Time and Shock, expecting things from me I didn’t even know how to deliver. What…do you say to a guy like that? ‘Hey, I spent almost four weeks in a desert because I’m dermb and exhausted myself and almost died. Look at this knarly scar.’ Yeah, that should go over well, I’m sure.

Anyway, I learned my lesson, at any rate. I stopped running for a time, giving my body a rest, regardless of whatever incessant pool of energy I thought I had. I ate actual grass and drank really real water and had myself a merry time, despite whatever the hell was crushing my chest. It smelled like home—too much like home. Ma, Auntie, Mesec, Jiji……Jiji. Okay, yeah, it smelled like her.

Should I go see them? I had left the Foothills in total darkness without a word of goodbye to anyone, except maybe Bro, and I don’t count that because there was a lot of nasty crying on my end and we’re not gonna talk about that, ‘kay? I grazed in the nooks between two very old oak trees indeed, allowing the quiet of this huge-ass forest surround me, sedate me, wrap me in a blankie that protected me from all my worries for just a little while. I would face my Dad when I faced him; there was nothing to do but wait, because time was moving again, and it was washing me downstream to my fate.

I still couldn’t stop thinking about Jiji though.



@[Ranjiri]

I didn’t really register Jij’s tangible scent—I mean, I was thinking about her so hard, I figured it was part of the mental imagery or whatever. Because this forest….it was too thick for me, almost. Like, smelling it and being immersed in the smell brought me all sorts of memories from yesterday; my head pounded with a remnicent ache, almost as hard as my chest did thinking Ma and Auntie and Bro and Big Toto and Jiji. Especially Jiji. God, I hope Mesec gave her my message—actually, I don’t know about that. Did I want her knowing how hard I sucked? I was a wreck when the Gods gave me this body (I’m still not quite used to). How could I have faced her, as defeated as I was? I had no choice; I had to get out of there.

Okay, sure. No matter what I did, I sucked. Cool. Glad we worked that out.

Anyway, I caught Jiji’s scent, and it made no difference to me, and I continued to graze as though she were nothing more than a poignant, painful, beautiful memory I was enjoying in the privacy of my own privacy….Erm. Yeah. At least, I enjoyed her memory until she spoke to me—

”Ros”

--and I flipped the fuck out.

I jumped; I shrieked like a little girl (shut up); I bolted to my right, ramming my shoulder into a nearby old-as-ass oak that was probably laughing at me and my horrible luck with trees. I bounced off with an “oof”, and suddenly I was face-to-face with Jiji, the real thing, the genuine article, the honest-to-freaking-God flesh of Ranjiri, daughter of Ktulu the Contrictor, Resident of the Foothills, my best fucking friend and my sister and my little cousin, and I—

--I was speechless.

I mean, look at her! The last time I knew her, she was a tiny tot, a little spit of a filly—which, more than anything, was the reason why I left. I had been a little spit right along with her, and the Gods changed that on that fateful night of darkness. It tore me apart to watch Jiji sleeping like a baby, because she was a baby, when every nerve and muscle and instinct told me I should be sleeping like a baby too, but no, I was in this huge-ass-almost-adult body that didn’t fit, but I had to make it fit, and it was too much (too much) and I had to….I had to get out of there.

But NOW?

Jiji was nothing but leg—golden leg, graceful leg that supported a fuller, deeper, curvier body with a mane and tail that cascaded around her, behind her, on top of her like silk draped over a trove of obsidian. Like I said, I was speechless; not because I had nothing to say, but because I had no breath left with which to say it. Jiji had taken it away; Jiji and all her POW in my kisser and all the memories that surrounded her like a perfume; heady and intoxicating. I was thoroughly shamed; I didn’t know what to say, how to say it, what she would want to hear from me. She knows I suck. She must know that.

So I said, “You’re….tall.” And yeah, okay, whatever, shut up, my voice cracked a bit. Bite me.



@[Ranjiri]

He laughter should’ve made me smile; it should’ve warmed me up like it used to when we were kids, where I’d do the stupidest shit to get her to laugh at me, with me, whatever laughter I could tease out of her. But now? I was still frozen. Things were tumbling inside me, falling, crushing, rolling around, making a mess of things.

Hell yeah, it’d been a while. Too long—much too long. I felt like I’ve grown a hundred years since I last saw her; after the monsters and the desert and the whole god thing, a thousand things had been planted in my mind, and my focus was just destroyed, and Jiji…didn’t have a place in that. The thought of it made me feel sick; all this time wandering around with no idea what to do with myself, and very little of it had been actually spent thinking about Jiji. She meant more to me than that—I swear she did!—but I suck, I suck and my brain can’t work so many things at once. It made me sick to know I had pushed her to the back burner.

My chest—it was crushing in on itself watching her. Because I still knew her body, as long and glamorous as it had gotten. I knew the anxiousness in her stance, the way she sat awkwardly in my presence, this awkwardness that I hated because we weren’t’ supposed to be awkward in each other’s company, but now we were and it was horrible. My mouth still wouldn’t work; my voice was dead; I should’ve been explaining things, I should’ve been easing the chill in the air, I should’ve been being responsible, but no, I was standing there dumb, watching Jiji fumble about with her voice and her obvious sadness and—

--oh jeez oh no, stop Jiji, stop, don’t cry because of me. I knew her body too well, I could see the mist in her eyes and hear the failing in her voice, and oh god oh jeez I was making her cry, this was too much, I can’t—no, Jiji, holy gosh I’m so sorry—

--and I still didn’t know what to do; I awkwardly rocked on my feet, taking a step toward her, taking a step back, because I wasn’t sure if getting closer would make it hurt more, if she even wanted to touch me after I turned into the kind of bastard I was—

--but somewhere in there I had found my voice. “No,” I was saying, my mind a whirl of panic and my chest absolutely destroyed in the pain I was feeling, “no, no, no, no Jiji, don’t cry, don’t cry because I suck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Ji!” I took a step toward her, and stood my ground. “Jiji….I…couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry, I told Mesec to tell you how much I actually suck balls, but the honest truth was that I panicked.” I didn’t know how she’d feel hearing this from me—so I told the truth, the honest truth, because that’s what I did with her. I always told her the truth. “When I woke up and the gods had given this…body to me, I got scared. I saw you, and you were still tiny, and I felt so—so confused—so angry—I didn’t want you to see me like that. It was—it was ugly, and I’m sorry I couldn’t’ help it, I should’ve been stronger—“

I took another step toward her, trying to ease the pressure in my gut that was trying so hard to destroy me. “Don’t cry,” I said, softly, and it was probably the tenderest thing that had ever let slip from my lips, but I didn’t care. This was Jiji and I didn’t care, I couldn’t care because Jiji was crying and it was my fault and no matter how fucked up I was as a demi-god, this was one thing I was going to set straight, dammit.

“I’m here now.”


@[Ranjiri]

What are you doing to me? I thought, watching her break in front of me, watching those tears roll from her eyes and feeling every rip and tear and crash they caused on my steel-toed heartstrings. You’re killin’ me, girl. You’re….no, maybe we’re killing each other. That’s it. Maybe we’re just bad for each other, like poisonous toadstools or something. Maybe I should leave you and save you from me, because all I do is make you cry, and all you do is make me hurt, and it’s ripping us apart and it’s—

--it’s so good to see you again, Jiji, goddamn.

I bristled a little though, when she told me to shut up. Even in this moment, so intimate and whatever, my inner ass-hat found a reason to emerge. “I wouldn’t be sayin’ it if you weren’t crying,” I said a little harshly, a little hiss on my lip, but it was a warm type of harshness, relieved almost….Like, I can’t tell you how it was exactly, because it was a secret type of husky voice just for Jiji and she could understand and that’s enough for me. I hoped she would understand, anyway.

She came at me, pulling me close to her, and my inner asshole arose once again; as her neck sucked me closer to her longer, fuller body, I reached with my own stubby neckline and attempted to pull her to me instead. It was a stupid, immature move of defiance, but it was an excuse to hold her fiercely; to touch her without fear of her recoil, to take her to me because that’s what I desperately wanted to do. Maybe she hated me; okay, I’d accept that. It would be a lifetime of pain and misery and unhappiness and all kinds of crazy pissy moods if Jiji hated me—but I could accept that, because I deserved her hate. She didn’t deserve the kind of treatment I had shown her—no, not Jiji, she didn’t need that, and she honestly didn’t need me. So if she hated me, that was cool.

But now? I let myself be a little selfish. I buried the side of my face in her mane, now so voluminous and thick enough to hide my nose and eye as I breathed in her scent. The scent was still Jiji—mixed with certain hormones, sure, okay, yeah, she’s grown up a little—but still Jiji. It was…aw man, what can I say? It was…pretty much the best thing that had happened to me since I woke up with this absurdly large and awkward body. I had to keep the tears from my own eyes (shut up), because two blubbering idiots in the forest wouldn’t do anyone good.

“….I suck,” I whispered against her, as though speaking into her skin, her fur, her body, speaking into her very essence. “I suck so much and I can’t help it, Ji. Could you handle that?” I closed my eyes; I continued to breathe her in. My head spun, and I guess I was getting a little drunk from her. “Could you handle a fuck-up?”


@[Ranjiri]

She called me a jerk, finally. She bit me with her fangs, poisoned me and my blood with her words and made my head spin a little bit more, because I laughed. I chuckled against her; it went into her mane and my shoulders shook with the force of it. Because I was happy she was fighting back, finally. Her attitude wasn’t tears, and it wasn’t breaking me to hear it. Besides, she was here, in my grasp, underneath my neck, even after acknowledging the fact that I sucked testiballs. Which proved that she didn’t hate me after all.

*“…I love you, you dummy.”*

No. I guess she didn’t hate me at all.

The laughter in me died down a little—but that was okay, because the contentment was still in my chest. I just sort of stood there, fully enjoying the moment I had with Jiji and all that it meant. I murmured into her mane, “You know I love you too, right?”, which were words that were just for her and that I usually wouldn’t admit to having said but right now I don’t give a crispy crackle because I was happy. And if it’s a moral crime for me to be happy instead of confused and panicked and agitated and pissed for once, then I’m just on first-class flight straight to hell. And it was worth it.

I let Jiji’s scent engulf me, let the memories flood behind my eyes, because I was gearing up for the inevitable. She told me not to insult myself—but what I was saying weren’t insults. They were cold, hard facts. I sucked, I sucked hard, and I was about to prove it at that moment as I pulled away from her, my eyes heaving, falling, falling. Because it was coming.

“….Look, Ji,” I said, my voice hanging low in dark, homesick forest, “It’s so good to see you again…and I’ll never leave you without a word like that again, cool? That was a dick move. I won’t do it again.” I tried to look into her eyes, passed all that golden mane she found somewhere; tried to see the Jiji I knew and loved, wondered if she would hate me now if she didn’t hate me then. My throat clenched—I didn’t want to say what I was about to say. But I had to say it, so. Ball up, Ros.

“I...can’t stay at home with you, though. I can’t—I gotta go, keep moving, keep exploring this land. I don’t want to,” I finally admitted, a confession I didn’t even know I had—but here it was, spilled right in front of Jiji like a toppled sack of beans, “I hate this, I hate leaving things and finding others and leaving them too. I hate not knowing what I’m doing. I hate being in this maze, Ji, it’s stupid and it’s wrong and it’s....cruel. I have to leave you behind again and it’s butt-fucking-dumb”

I paused; an idea that I had been pondering for some time danced in front of my tongue. “Unless…?” I whispered, looking deeply into her eyes. My nerve failed me; I didn’t have the grapes to say what was floating in my head.

Unless you come with me?



@[Ranjiri]

Something huge, black, and cavernous opened up in my chest, because my heart was done breaking and it would only break for Jiji anyway, so that was that. But something else was ruined in me regardless as I listened to her speak, hearing her describe how literally everyone and their mom had left the Foothills. Includingmy Ma. My Ma.

I was in free fall. Everything I stood on and stood for fell to pieces in that instant, because they were gone. Okay, maybe not everyone, but there was no denying that there was a great chasm where a good chunk of my childhood resided. I remember that fool Mr. Archiballs (I legit thought that’s what his name was when I was young and stupider, and it makes me laugh so I’ll call him that forever in my head) and I guess I sorta-maybe-kinda remember the dark Ms. CC, whoever she actually was. Whether I knew them or not wasn’t the point, though; they were pillars of my past, the background of my childhood portrait. They were there, always there. They were the Foothills--them and Ma and Auntie, all of them, they were the land that colored my life now and always. And they were gone?

Goddamnit.

It was a blow; I took a step back from Jiji, breathless by the news. My stomach clenched in a nauseatingly painful way. I swallowed; I swallowed again, looking up in Jiji’s eyes a little desperately. Yeah, I was desperate—maybe going a little crazy. Jiji can drive me nuts when she wants to, and maybe she didn’t want to now, but it was happening and there was nothing she could do to stop it because she was left alone, all alone, and there was nothing i could do stop it or change my Ma or my Auntie’s decision to leave her and it was cutting me up inside to know—

--to know I was about to do the exact same thing.

*"Unless.... I go with you?"*

“…Yeah,” I finally managed, something shaking in my voice and probably in my eyes too, “Come with me. We’ll…we’ll see this land, Ji. We’ll see more than some grass and some godawful sand or whatever the hell. We’ll see things and do other stuff and—Jiji,” I took a step closer to her, almost panting in my excitement, in my fear for her and my anxiety, “—I couldn’t stand it if I left you all alone, Ji. I just couldn’t. Ma and Auntie are gone and I know Big Toto left already and I just….I…” After that, I began to choke on my own helplessness. Because I knew I was a fuck-up—I had warned her of this, and she had accepted it. But it still left a grossnasty taste in my mouth to think about abandoning her again, even if I knew I wasn’t actually leaving her behind in my mind and spirit. What if something happened; what if I wasn’t there to protect her from some shit?

I would just break. To hell with the world and all who live in it, who need the Gods and their unwavering devotion. If something happened to Jiji and I wasn’t there to stop it, it would all burn.



@[Ranjiri]