Arty. Artorious, my son. Our son I never raised, never truly even knew. Why I even bothered with these people, I don’t even know, because in the end it was just – disappointment after disappointment, I think. Not on their part, because you cannot disappoint he who expects nothing of anyone, but I am quite sure I was responsible for many, many disappointments.

“Is he well? I mean, was he? Before you lost yourself…” ah yes, Sasha, so eloquent. And insincere too, I’m sure, though that was not the intent; I genuinely cared… even when, in truth, I did not even remember him.

Forgive me my sins, because I am not sorry, not really. How could I be, when I warned them?

“Maybe she will find us,” and yes, I was as bad at consoling as I was at caring. That she was here at all was remarkable, but then, this was Alysanne; and that I remembered and… cared… for her, well, that was the most remarkable thing of all. I could not understand it, not that I even bothered to try; to me she just was, the way Kostya just was, the way things happened. Maybe some day I would understand, or change my mind, but today was not that day.

She was so warm, and so comforting; it was like – but no, no motherly touch was like that (and that, well, that’d be creepy, wouldn’t it?). It was almost like my brother’s touch felt, except, it was not. Nothing and no one would ever take that place, but if he weren’t there (and wasn’t that thought terrifying), maybe she would be.

Maybe I was just a codependent sort of ass.

I missed you, she said.

“Why?” blurted out before I could censor it. It was a genuine question.

Politeness only goes so far, I guess. I never understood why, but…

Maybe I didn’t have to.

Maybe I should draw away before I hurt her further, but…

I was never a sensible man, was I?

And no, I had never planned to go back. I had not even thought of goodbyes; he went and I followed. That was our way, had always been, would always be, and I…

I didn’t answer, but she surely could feel the answer in the way I tensed against her shoulder. She would; females always did, somehow. They knew these things. Why she was even around… oh, but it didn’t matter.

I held on tighter. Couldn’t help it.

Such a fool I was.